is he ready to commit? what to ask him to find out (it’s not the obvious)

Today’s blog comes from a question I get asked quite a bit in my private practice as an intuitive coach and healer.

“How do I know if the guy I’m seeing is ever going to commit to me or if it’s just a casual thing?”

It’s an important question, especially if your intent is marriage or a long-term soul mate partnership.

The last thing you want to do is waste your time with someone who is clearly not ready but what about that in-between phase where you aren’t really getting a clear sign one way or another?

That’s where this one little question can give you way more insight than any traditional dating advice book will say.

I first heard it discussed on a local radio station and I even ran it past my own man.

He was expecting a cliche answer…”Well, have you just simply asked him?”

But when he heard it, his response was silence followed by a slow to fast head nodding and a “Whoa…now that is good advice…it’s true and I have never heard it said like that before…pretty spot-on.”

So, without keeping you in any more suspense, are you ready to know the magic commitment question/topic to bring up?

It’s this: “So, how is your career going right now?”

Generally speaking, before being ready for a solid committed partnership with a woman that may lead to marriage, most men are hard-wired to want to provide.

And to be in that position means having a solid financial foundation and having achieved a certain level of professional success.

Without that, what tends to happen (and ladies, what you may have noticed in the dating scene) is a guy may commit to you for a few months or even a year, but there’s always this constant striving and focus on career happening in the background and you may never feel like a priority.

Because quite frankly, you’re not.

Now, does that mean that just because the man you’re seeing is in school getting a degree or certification or maybe climbing up the corporate ladder working crazy hours that he’s never going to commit to you?

No.

Nothing is that black and white.

What I’m saying is it may be awhile longer before he does.

And you have to be okay not being the priority until that shift happens. Or come up with a timeline of how long you want to wait it out. It always circles back to being true and authentic to yourself.

So, in short, if you want to assess his commitment potential, ask him about his career and how he thinks it’s going. You’ll get valuable insight into where he’s at and also feel calmer knowing what you know!

Over to you: What’s one experience you had dating a man who was really ready or who couldn’t (or wouldn’t )commit? What were some of the signs your intuition gave you to clue you in on this? Share with us in the comments!

Want more? Check out this FREE audio training: Why you’re still single

this is embarassing… but i want to share it with you

Have you ever noticed something about yourself that you were embarrassed to see or admit?

Yea…that happened to me this past weekend and I’d love to share my story with you with the intent that it helps you see where you could be tripping yourself up in your own relationships.

You’ll also get 3 spiritual gems to help you navigate your own shifts right now and rock it out!

Sound good?

It’s about love, seeing how your thoughts create your reality and being bold (even when you’re uncomfortable as hell!).

My Story: Out of Towners

My man let me know that he’d be leading this big convention all weekend which was fine with me, since I was going to be out of town too.

He let me know ahead of time that he probably wouldn’t have time to talk much, but that he’d text me to say hi everyday.

Well, that was all well and good…until what I call my NeedyNelly-Diana showed up.

It started bothering me that I just got a text here and a text there from him (even though he already told me this would be the case!).

They were sweet ones-I miss you, I love you, I had so much fun today with the convention but I miss you…

But in my head, I created a whole other backstory to those messages.

Have you ever done that?

Instead of framing it as “Wow, that’s awesome I heard from him. I love that he took the time out a very busy weekend to think about me” my mind translated it to:

“I’m just an afterthought. He’s just doing this out of obligation. He doesn’t care about me. I am not important. I am not special. I’m so mad at him! How could he do this to me?”

So I snipped back with passive aggressive responses about not being sure I “had time” to see him when we got back on Monday as we had planned…and on and on it went until it took on a life of its own.

The poor man was so confused. I just stewed.

Yea…not my finest moment, but that’s where my mind was at.

And I literally made myself sick and mentally/emotionally drained with these thoughts for the next few days!

Why do we do this to ourselves?!

I woke up with a crick in my neck and I couldn’t turn my head one way or the other without howling in pain (the neck represents flexibility…..that was a no-brainer to figure out!)

My chest and heart area was incredibly heavy and I found it hard to breathe deeply (heartache).

And my sleep patterns were way off, making me cranky and confused.

The solution was right in my hands, it’s always in our hands.

But I couldn’t see it : admit the truth….first to myself. Then to him.

Some of my truths:

:: It was bringing up some deep seated fears around not being important or seen. Those felt super uncomfortable…

:: I was feeling lonely and needy and envious of the convention and the time it took away from us being able to see each other. 

:: I was having a hard time being at peace with just myself..

and the core of it all was…

missed him.

And I couldn’t deal with the emotions it brought up within me…without making it all about him and why he was to blame for what I felt…

That was embarrassing.

You can be strong and vulnerable. That is the Goddess way. It’s not an either/or proposition. TWEET THAT!

After all, I pride myself on being an independent, strong woman who genuinely enjoys my own company.

I’m not used to “missing my man” after being apart for just a few days…maybe because I was just never with the right one before!

And even when we talked and he came over on Monday all mature and ready to “resolve what came up this weekend” (That pissed me off too! I was supposed to be the ‘together’ one!) I was still holding onto a lot of my internal walls.

And he called me on it.

With love, but he did.

I started to cry.

Once the ice melted, I shared with him exactly what I just shared with you above and all was well.

We smoothed out a lot of miscommunications.

We came up with a game plan of “out-of-town” etiquette that made sense and I even gave him permission to tell me that I was about to board “crazy needy Train” before it derailed us.

The best part? My breathing calmed. And my neck felt way better.

In short: 3 GEMS

  1. Tell the truth, even when it is embarrassing, weird or scary. The truth will set you (and your body free!)
  2. Your relationships will be stronger when you let yourself be vulnerable. It’s okay…really it is.
  3. You are fabulous…and not perfect. And that’s exactly what life is about. Navigating through the imperfections and loving yourself anyway….

Over to YOU: Which one of the 3 gems above sound like you this week? Post it in the comments below! 

PeekPhotographyDorall-0949ps: Want to make 2016 your best year ever? I am taking on just a handful of private clients next year to help you bust out past your internal blocks + be a magnet for soul mate love and massive success!

 

Click here to apply for a free 20 minute consult call with me to see if we’d be a great fit! (No obligation necessary!)

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People Pleasing Tip #2: Tapping for “Saying No” (Video)

EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique “Tapping” is an effective way to help rewire your neural pathways with thoughts that support you and also free you from the ones that get in your way.

In this video, you will learn:

*The basic sequence of tapping that you can use to clear out beliefs around saying no 

*Identify where “saying no” lives in your body so you can catch yourself before going into a downward emotional spiral!

*Feel lighter, more centered and neutral around saying no and potentially disappointing others.

Just to review:

After you have practiced the Tapping points along the body….

Think of someone you need to say NO to or someone you wish you would said NO to in the past. 

Let it actually register in your physical body, even if it’s very uncomfortable.

What are you feeling?

What emotions come up? Shame? Embarrassment? Fear? Anger?

Name them. Write them down.

Example: When I say no, I feel scared that the other person is going to hate me. 

Tap on it.

  1. Say aloud, “I acknowledge that I feel scared that the other person is going to hate me when I say no.”
  2. Go through each of the tapping points as you say it until you get to the karate chop.

Now turn it around.

“It is safe for me to say no. I am safe. I can stay in my own energy no matter what the reaction.”

Tap on that!

How do you feel?

You’re done!!

ps: Want more? Schedule a full energy healing session to clear your vibes and jumpstart your August right here.

are you a recovering people pleaser? Soul Mantra inside!

I don’t know about you, but I am a recovering worrier and people pleaser.

Making sure everyone else felt comfortable (even when I was depriving myself) was the norm.

A few examples from my life that may sound familiar to you:

*Agreeing to “volunteer” my time and energy after work hours without compensation even though it meant missing a date with a friend I hadn’t seen in forever…in the name of wanting to be seen as a “team player.”

*Staying in a one-sided friendship with a girlfriend who drained all my energy, calling me only to complain about her relationship problems, only to find that when the conversation turned to me and my stuff, she suddenly had to go. But ignoring her calls seemed “mean”

and now the funny one….

*Buying an extra box of Girl-Scout cookies, because I felt bad saying no to the little girl who asked me, even though I had set an intention to stop eating so much sugar.

The common denominator in each of the scenarios above was…me.

And the core of it all? 

I had a hard time setting healthy limits with my time, energy and resources for fear of 

:: not wanting to be judged

:: not wanting to rock the boat 

:: not wanting to be seen as weird, greedy or self-indulgent

and the list goes on.

Sound familiar?

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But here’s what I realized as I learned how to become a master manifestor and help others manifest too.

Tough Love Tip:

When you respect yourself and set healthy limits, you create a safe container for all that you desire to find you!

When we have a hard time setting limits with ourselves and others, it also diminishes our self-respect and our ability to draw in/magnetize the gifts that the Universe wants to bring you! 

So what happens?

:: You ask for less than what you want and you get (surprise!) nothing…. or a watered down version of it that doesn’t leave you satisfied or excited. 

:: You attract people who mirror your wounds. They validate how you feel about yourself-that your time, energy and resources aren’t worth much. 

:: You feel jipped, because even though you’re doing all the “right” things: journaling, exercising, meditating, etc, you feel exhausted or restless and think the Universe just doesn’t care about you! 

I know…I’ve been there!

Ready to stop it?

Here’s the first step.

People-Pleasing SOUL MANTRA:

Say this aloud to yourself in the mirror 2X/day with intention. Put your hand over your heart and stand up.

“I respect myself.

“It is safe for me to set healthy limits around my time and energy.

“I now create a safe container for my desires to find me! And so it is!”

The more you say it, the more you will start to believe it and you’ll be on your way to drawing in more of the types of people and situations that lift you up! Stay tuned next week for another tip on recovering from people-pleasing syndrome!

Now it’s YOUR turn.

Q: Have you ever been a people pleaser? 

What was one situation where you gave your power away or time away and what did you learn from the experience that made you a stronger person now? Share with us by leaving a comment here!

Want MORE?

Tune into my NEW Radio show “The Dancing Goddess Show” this Thursday, July 30th.

Details here:

3 steps to master the art of receiving more

Want to increase the level of accuracy of your intuitive messages?

You’ve got to master the art of receiving!

But how do you actually you know…do that?

In this video you will learn:

  • The one belief that blocks you from being able to consistently receive messages and gifts from your intuition (and from life)
  • 3 steps anyone can follow to break the cycle that holds you back from manifesting big
  • A physical mudra (hand symbol) you can do to re-train your brain to receive more

After you watch, be sure to post a comment to this week’s question.

Q: What is one area of your life where you know you’d benefit from receiving fully? What could be different about your life if you were more open to receive?

Want more?

Sign up to get your free audio: The Top 5 Ways You Block Money, Love and Miracles From Coming into your Life (it’s not what you think!) Click right here