How to deal with rejection

 “I chose and my world was shaken. So what? The choice may have been mistaken; the choosing was not.”-Stephen Sondheim


 What do you do when you profess love for someone and they just don’t feel the same way you do?


Or you have what you think was a fantastic date-you connected with this person, you felt attracted to them and sensed they thought you were hot too. And then you get the uncomfortable text or email a day later saying, “I don’t think we’re a good fit. You’re a great person, but I’m just not feeling it and I don’t want to lead you on. Sorry.” Or even more brutal, they tell you to your face, at the end of the date! I know-it happened to me.


Hiking Dude: From Diana’s Dating files 

If you’ve read my first e-book, you know I’m not a fan of hiking and have had my fair share of dating disasters. A few years ago, I went on this really great first date with a guy who was sexy, very intelligent and instantly drawn to me. He had gorgeous curly hair and a body I couldn’t stop fantasizing about. Turns out we had a lot in common and he even owned a chain of organic juice/smoothie stories in town and had a dog who also loved me (great sign!). After date two, he invites me to go hiking or for a brisk “walk.” I’m game because I really really liked him, so I went on the hike despite my reservations, panting the whole time but laughing and appreciating that he stopped and slowed down so we could talk. He kept asking me about what I did to work out and I mentioned dancing and occasional running. (He was quiet, which should have been my sign to ask more questions, but I didn’t).Everything seemed fine and I was looking forward to hanging out with him and his dog for lunch after the hike. Only after we got to his house, he said, “I just want to be honest Diana. This isn’t happening. There’s probably something wrong with me. Don’t want to lead you on. So, no lunch. How about a hug?”


<Awkward moment ensues and my female Ego is burning up and I want to cry or slap him or both>


Fighting all these instincts, I went in for the hug and then it got weirder. He pulled back and said, “So, this is what you do, right? Can you tell me if we’re a match or if I’m making the right decision to let you go now?”


Oh. My. Goddess. No, he did NOT just ask me that!


I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to kill him. Instead, I took a deep breath, smiled, looked deeply into his beautiful blue eyes and with all the courage I could muster, replied with, “Sure. For my professional rate of $150 an hour. But I don’t date clients, so I guess you’re shit out of luck. Take care!”


I drove off as fast as I could but once I got home, I cried like a little girl. Like an embarrassingly long time. Rejection, no matter what age we are or what the context, hurts like a bitch.


But it doesn’t have to completely shatter your world. It can actually be the best thing that happens to you. If you’ve been rejected outright before too, here’s the upside as I see it and what I share with my clients now:


3 Things to Keep in Mind After Being Rejected:

  1. The person had the balls to tell you he wasn’t interested outright. A lot of people maybe never gave you that courtesy in the past!  It can be almost more painful to not know how they really feel and then start fantasizing about what could have happened…or worse, you start going all stalker and obsess about the version of the date in your head.*If you feel like you got rejected in the slow and painful way (like he just never calls you back), the faster you clear your own energy of the illusion of what could have been and let go, the easier it is to move on. If you need help with that, I’m your gal as it’s the #1 thing I help clients with. Learn more here.
  2. You have more energy for the long haul. This painful, but direct rejection saves you valuable time and mental/emotional bandwidth for the one who is interested.
  3. Anything that is truly meant to be in your space will be in your space. If it’s not, and if the “it” in question is a date, plain and simple, the Universe is setting it up for you to meet an even more aligned person. Sometimes it’s timing, sometimes we’re simply not energetically ready to handle what we say we want or the other person isn’t, etc. Trusting that nothing that is yours will be kept from you can be a comfort when you get hit with rejection. Or what I like to call “Spirit protection” experiences!



Now I want to hear from YOU.


Have you ever been rejected outright on a date or soon after?


How did you deal or what advice do you have for someone who is going through the feelings of rejection?


Post a comment! I can’t wait to hear from you!

And if you enjoyed this article, please share it with your friends and click here to get a free love audio class when you subscribe for weekly updates (it’s also free!).


Diana Dorell, Your Intuitive Relationship Coach

Diana Dorell, Your Intuitive Relationship Coach

Ps: Yes, I am still doing 1:1 intuitive readings but I am not sure how long I will be offering them. If you are interested and ready to get some laser clarity and answers, go here:


Ever felt like you have to get your ‘ducks’ in a row and then you’ll be ready for love? A true story and 3 take-aways

Have you ever felt like you’re maybe just not “ready” for love or a soul mate partnership?

Ever felt like you had to get your ‘ducks in a row’ first and then you’ll feel more ready?

Have you ever secretly had thoughts like “Maybe I’m just not good enough or my life just isn’t good enough for a guy to stick around?”

OMG. So did I. I want to share a story with you from my personal dating files with the intention that it offers you some peace and insight into YOUR approach to dating.


A Story

Man, I’ve felt like that so many times in love.  Like maybe I should figure out how to manage my money better and not overdraft 10,000 times and THEN a guy would see how special and fabulous I was. Or I thought that maybe I should lose 10 more lbs and THEN I’d go out with that guy my friend wanted to set me up with and wear that sexy dress with Spanx. I even thought that I shouldn’t date anyone or show real interest in anyone until I actually lived in my own place in the Bay Area (which is pricey!) to prove to a guy that I was ‘successful’ and capable of keeping a beautiful house.’ It’s embarrassing to share this with you, but that’s where my head was a few years ago!

But looking back at all my serious partnerships back then, I noticed an interesting pattern. During that chaotic time in my life (my early-late twenties), I met not one, but three amazing men that would turn into future boyfriends during periods of intense internal chaos and transition of all kinds. With one guy I met and dated seriously I had just broken up with someone and was in a man-hating stage, which apparently did not deter him from pursuing me. With another, I was super stressed about my teaching job and wanted to escape so I would eat and put on weight or starve myself and eat nothing. And with yet another long-term love during that crazy ass time, I was completely broke and trying to make it as a film and commercial actress in the city, feeling totally scattered and shaky with my inability to have my ‘shit’ figured out.  Yet these amazing men showed up in my life.

This defied my ‘ducks-in-a-row- theory.’ Was the Universe giving me a free pass and it didn’t matter how self-destructive I was (I could go crazy!) because I was just the shit and men would flock to me regardless of what I did? Ummmm, no I don’t think that’s what my Soul lesson was! Looking back now, I see that each of those men popped into my life to re-affirm 3 things:


Tough Love Take-Aways

1) At our core, we are all deserving and worthy of love, affection and attention regardless of our temporary circumstances. Say it with me. I AM worthy of love, affection and attention no matter what is happening in my life right now. 

2) You don’t (and probably won’t) have all your ducks in a row as much as you think you should.  You can still find someone who finds you incredibly amazing and wants to date you anyway. Work towards getting your life in order with grace and patience!

3) And most importantly…Stay curious and look for hidden gems!

These men helped me see the areas in my life that I sincerely wanted to shift, mostly the negative thoughts bouncing around in my head that were living there rent-free! The difference was I shifted from what I thought I NEEDED to shift or change for THEM to asking myself, “What would help me feel most beautiful, joyful and proud of ME?”  

Though obviously none of these three men were not to stay in life forever, they all were incredibly rich relationships that were birthed from not having my ducks anywhere near a row! And from my own growing self-love and self-respect with each evolution of those partnerships and the solo times in between, I learned how to better manage and respect my money (which is closely tied to how we value and show respect to ourselves), I eventually sought support for my eating disorder and destructive eating habits and began speaking in public schools to young boys and girls around how to love your body and I even uncovered a joy for Feng-Shui and color therapy (and hired a housecleaner!). 

That’s my story. Now I’d love to hear from you!

Which one of the 3 take-aways resonates with you right now? 

Have you ever struggled with feeling like you have to have it all figured out?

Share your comments below!

Thank you so much for reading and if you’re new to my community, click here for a free LOVE gift!





why you’re still single…a question every woman must clarify first to get lasting love

So, one of the biggest questions I get asked in my private coaching practice is “Why am I still single? What am I doing wrong?”


Well, while there’s no easy answer to that, I’d love to share a question from the book I recommend to all my private coaching clients called Getting to I Do, that helps to shed some light on what could be happening for you. I’ll illustrate it with a story you can relate to.



Ann was a beautiful, well-educated, compassionate woman approaching her 40th birthday.


She was making over $300,000/year in her own business and she was seriously wondering if there was something wrong with her that she couldn’t seem to hang on to a man.


When I asked her what she was looking for she said, “Someone who isn’t intimidated by my success. Someone who lets me be me and doesn’t try to put me into some traditional housewife role. I am ready to settle down and I’m tired of dating men who only want to have sex with me. What am I doing wrong?”


“Well, let me ask you this,” I replied. Would you say that it’s more important to you that he respect your thoughts and opinions OR that he cherish your feelings above anything else? What is your first natural response after you quiet your mind and relax your body? I know that both are important to you and in a serious relationship, you will get both, but which one if it were satisfied FIRST, would you prefer? Take all the time you need but only give me one answer.”


She said the first one (that he respect her thoughts and opinions was priority.) And thoughts and opinions are MALE or directive energy.

Just to be clear: Both genders (men and women) have feminine and masculine energy that we flip flop between during the course of our days. That is totally natural. But in romantic partnerships, there is a predominant energy. A woman can be in her masculine at work and mostly feminine in love. A man can be in his masculine at both work and love. A woman can be in her feminine at work and masculine in love. And a man can be in his feminine at work and feminine in love. One energy is not better than the other. It just IS. Have I confused you yet? 🙂


The big Ah-HA

So… in my story with Ann above, in order to have a long-lasting partnership, she needed to find a male partner who wanted to carry predominantly FEMALE or receptive energy in their relationships to create that opposite tension needed for long-term sexual and emotional compatibility. Otherwise, she would always be attracting directed, alpha-type-men who may want to sleep with her, would respect her success as a businesswoman but not view her as a future life partner. She was hooked sexually (oxytocin is a bitch!) obsessing about them while they were off dating other women with little or no thought to her. It was simply a question of energetic mis-match for the long haul.


I’m busting this Myth

Society ingrains in us women that if you carry predominantly masculine energy in your love relationships that there is something “wrong” with you but that is so not true! There are plenty of fabulous men who are wonderful and compassionate partners who will value you as the directive energy in the relationship and take your lead without a dent to their masculinity. Conversely, if you find when you ask yourself that question that you desire to be the feminine/receptive energy in love relationships, then you’re going to have to learn how to leave your masculine at the office and let a man lead you. *(This is one of the toughest spiritual lessons to learn and one that I love helping my clients with, so if you have trouble with this too, scroll down as I have an invitation for you!)


The trap is thinking you can have both a masculine, directed alpha-male AND also lead with your masculine in love. It may work for you in your business but unless you are with a feminine-energy man in love, you’re either going to sleep with each other but he won’t want a commitment or you’ll fight and try to “top” each other. Neither is a recipe for lasting love!


So ask yourself: in LOVE relationships …….(not business, friendship or family…I want to be so clear on that!)


“Is it more important to me that my future soulmate/husband/partner respect my thoughts and opinions OR that they cherish my feelings above anything else?


If you said the first, you are naturally more DIRECTIVE in love and would best have your needs met if you carry the masculine role and look for a partner willing to lead with their feminine.

If you said the second,  you are naturally more RECEPTIVE in love and would best have your needs met if you carry the feminine role and look for a partner willing to lead with their masculine.


Invitation: Which energy are you in love? Any insights or ideas you want to share on this concept of male/female energy? Please post a comment!


Diana Dorell, Your Intuitive Relationship Coach

Diana Dorell, Your Intuitive Relationship Coach

Psssssst….Would you like to learn exactly how to become a man MAGNET in love, drawing men to you like flies without compromising your values? or if you want to carry masculine energy in love, how to APPROACH amazing receptive men who love and respect you for your thoughts, opinions and ability to lead?


This is what I help my private coaching clients with in my full 3-month love immersion program and I’d love to help you!


Click here to schedule a complimentary Intro Call to learn more about this and if the program is right for you! Spaces are limited so if you’re done being single, grab one!

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The #1 dating buzz killer and how to avoid it

This one thing can mean the difference between a great date and a catastrophe.

It’s something very subtle and distinguishes you as “second date potential” or “first date horror story.”

Which would you rather be? (That was a silly question.)

It’s like black ice on the highway. This buzz killer sneaks up on you and when you are on it, it is ungrounding, confusing and well, super unpleasant and you can’t wait to get away from it.

So, what is the #1 dating buzz killer? 

Want to take a guess? (I’ll wait).

No, it’s not talking about old relationships (although that one ranks pretty high up there too) and it’s not just talking about work and your career (which also makes the top 5 list).

The #1 buzz killer is…..<drumroll please!> Negative self-talk!

You’ve probably been around those people who are charming, lovely and down-to-earth and then out of nowhere, they start complaining about themselves or deflecting compliments you give them with a negative comment or downplaying what you just said with false modesty. It doesn’t feel so great on the receiving end, does it?

So…plain and simple, STOP the negative self-talk and also recognize that a date is not an substitution for a therapy session or vent session with your girlfriends! If you had a bad day, it’s understandable but don’t take that energy into a date.

Instead, here are three things you can do before a date or important meeting if you find yourself about to spiral down the negative self-talk rabbit hole.

Step 1: Rant

Give yourself permission to be the victim in a safe space and rant out loud or on a piece of paper the unfiltered thoughts and feelings you are having. Or cry. Yell. Scream. Make faces. Give an imaginary person the finger. Just get the negative out. No one is going to be grading you or shaming you for being un P.C. 


Step 2: Re-lease

Using your breath, once you’ve completed your full-on rant, close your eyes, take a deep breath and as you exhale, visualize all that negativity leaving your body and being put into a basket being held by a beautiful Angel to release out.


Step 3: Re-frame

Now with that energy out of your space, set an intention on something that you appreciate about yourself. It could be something simple like, I am grateful for my eyes that are allowing me to see this. One thing. Notice how it easily shifts and if all else fails, smile like a silly Cheshire cat. It works every time! Now you are ready to come to the table with a positive, lighter (and more accurate) version of your True self…and honey, that’s DAMN attractive!


Action This Week: What is ONE thing you appreciate about your life right now? Share in the comments below? 

As an invitation, consider writing out one thing each day that you appreciate about you and notice how you feel and how your interactions with others go.

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