Ever feel afraid that you’ll be “off” Purpose if you fall in love? 4-step process to help you!

One of my clients shared a very interesting dilemma she was having. One of her heart’s desires in addition to finding a spiritual soulmate was to write her first book to help children make their way in the world. She had been really procrastinating on it and the convo basically went something like this:

The Convo:

Her: “Diana, I am so proud of myself! After our last session, I actually created a writing schedule for myself. And I’m actually sticking to it! I wrote for 2 hours yesterday and it felt so amazing!

Me: That’s awesome! So, what’s the problem?

Her: “Well, I really want to be a relationship right now, and every time I seem to meet someone, I fall for them fast and end up just not making time for writing at all. It’s like I just put all my focus on them. I just met someone I really like…and I’m terrified that I’m just going to stop writing again and that I’m not going to live my Purpose and then I’ll just hate myself. What should I do?”

Hmmmm…very interesting indeed.

  • Have you ever struggled with giving all your creative Life Force energy to someone you just met

  • Ever worried about not fulfilling your Life Purpose because of a new (or existing) relationship?

  • You’re going to love today’s post!


Below, I break down:

  • The real issue that was keeping this woman (and possibly you) stuck +how she got out of it

  • The immediate next step to take if you find yourself going down this train of thinking

  • A Soul power thought you can use to stay aligned with your Purpose AND love


Part 1: The Real Issue (What I shared with her)

A: Okay, what could be going on here is that there may be a part of you that believes that to truly have abundance and flow in one area of your life requires that another area has to sacrificed or compromised. In this case your commitment to your writing/Purpose. It’s about reframing it from an  energy of “I have to have either/or to I totally and completely will create both/and.”

Second, you say, “I just put all my focus on them..” and then what happens? The relationship eventually ends, right? (she nodded and I went on..) because let’s face it, no one wants to be the sole focus of your attention 24/7. It creates an imbalance and what you’re really after I’m guessing is someone who adores you and actually inspires you/you inspire, right? So then it just becomes a matter of balancing out the distribution of energy you’re giving and energy you’re receiving.


Part 2: The Discovery

She coughed a few times. A great sign that her throat chakra, which rules communication was opening!

We did some major energy work around this as this “either/or” energy had been with her since she was a childhood (and honestly probably before that too). She experienced a huge release and we put together a simple action plan that allowed her to create specific blocks of time for her writing, the language to use when she found herself getting invited to activities with this new person who conflicted with that block (having the language for it is huge!) and she even came up with her own mantra to tell herself when she started falling back into the old fear.


Part 3: Your 4-Step Action Plan!

1. Notice

Where are you engaging in either/or thinking or behavior in your life right now? What are two areas that are really wanting your attention? Scan the core areas of your life and write it down.

2. Breathe

When you go into scarcity thinking, stop and take a deep breath. With each inhalation, visualize yourself receiving more of what you want. And on every exhalation, visualize yourself giving out love to the world from your new abundant state. It will take you to a different head-space.

3. Soul mantra it:

Say aloud, “I can now have both. It is safe for me to have both. Creating both helps me and the people I care about.” (This activates your subconscious but it also makes it about how this new thought will positively impact your relationship to others and how they view you too!)

4. Schedule it

Look at your calendar or sheet of paper. Where will you now make time for the things that keep falling to the wayside that are important to you? For your Soul Purpose-activating activities. These don’t have to be broad-sweeping business plans. I’m talking small steps. Example: Maybe from 1-2pm on Mondays you will commit to researching experts in the field in which you want to be in. Or you will look at going through your closet and putting together an outfit that is date-worthy and represents who you really are now!


Q: What is ONE thing you are going to do this week to move into a place of balance between your relationships and your Purpose? Share your Step 4 if you feel moved!

ps:Diana Dorell Red Pic Want to stop your monkey-mind chatter that’s keeping you from making an important decision around a relationship or your business/career? Sign up for my Intuition 101: How to Master Decision-Making course that kicks off June 2!

Intro rate ends TONIGHT at 12midnight PST.

Go here to join us:

The secret behind mastering decision-making…a true story about how I ended up in NYC!

Diana Dorell Red PicI remember the day I sat down and told my sweetheart, “I am going to New York City for three to six months. I just want to experience it. I’ve been dreaming about living in that city since I was 5 and well, I just can’t wait any longer.”

My stomach was churning with butterflies and stress about how he was going to react to this declaration. He sat across the dining room and stared at me with his big Aquarian saucer eyes that are sometimes incredibly hard to read.And after what seemed like an eternity, he replied with a monumental, “Okay. Have you found a place to live already?”

His rational and grounded response floored me as I went on to inform him that I had actually gotten very clear on what I was looking for and lo and behold had found the perfect place at the price point and neighborhood I had written down for the exact time frame. I had even seen the place on Skype webcam (I felt very responsible and techie!) He gave a sigh of relief and incredulity at how fast I had pulled it all together and I think I sort of saw a smile creep in there too. I also showed him my ticket…I had purchased my airplane ticket (one-way) before I could let my nerves and any guilt about leaving stop me from my dream. We both hugged for a long time and he said, “I have no idea what is going to happen, but I know you have to do this or you’ll be very unpleasant to be around.(smart man) So, go and make sure you download this app called Hop Stop that tells you which train to take. You’re not the best with directions honey.” I started crying right there. He is an amazing person. To re-cap the 3 main lessons about taking risks and making a big decision from my story: take what works and leave the rest!

  • Know what you want (example: the list I made of the qualities I wanted in my NYC pad)
  • Take one action that aligns with what you want and doesn’t allow for a back-door/gets you out of your own way (example: buying the ticket before I had anything else in place)
  • Be clear with your intention and have faith that those who love you will still love you after you go for it (example: having the difficult but necessary heart-to-heart with my honey)

So, literally three weeks after that conversation, I arrived in the Big Apple, my life packed into 2 large suitcases, a small one, a backpack and my violin. I was more excited (and a little freaked out) than I’d ever been in my entire life. I often get asked, “Diana, how did you find the courage to take action on your dream? What made you leave your man and your peaceful life in Kansas City behind for a city that everyone says is impossibly hard to live in? How did you manifest a partner who is willing to let you follow your dream, how did you manage to snag an apartment in the heart of the city and the funds for the travel so quickly?” 

The answer is very simple and is the same I would give to all of those questions.

I have learned to master my intuition.

To feel it in the depths of my Be-ing, to follow it and to trust it without too many questions.

It’s a muscle that I have honed over the years that has allowed me to take incredible risks…and experience things that make me very happy and joyful. I’m still working it (I believe the learning never stops!) I’ve shared these principles with my private clients and they have used them to quadruple their quarterly business profits, leave an unsatisfying job to venture out into the world of entrepreneurship, manifested a new love starting with positive self-love and talk and much more.

And I want to help you trust YOUR intuition too.

And for the first time ever, I want to share the principles I’ve learned from some amazing mentors, teachers and the best school (hard core life experience) to help you master decision-making, to help you go from feeling like you aren’t sure which direction to take to having a roadmap and tools there to help you make your way out of the fog. At Spirit’s nudge, I’m putting my teacher hat back on and have created this intuitively-driven, Spirit inspired course just for you!

I’m calling it Intuition 101: Feel It, Trust it, Follow It: 5 weeks to master the art of decision-making and whether you are at that crossroads in your life where several directions pull at you and you aren’t sure what to do, or you are an entrepreneur wanting to get out of shiny-object syndrome and make some more money, know which of your big ideas to follow next or are simply a spiritual seeker looking for more peace of mind and self-trust around making decisions that impact your love life, family ties and even spiritual connection, I hope you’ll join me! 

Learn all about it right here and before I sign off, a question for you: “What is a big risk that you have taken in your life or a time to did something you didn’t think you could do? Share it with us in the comments below and I can’t wait to see some of you in class!” 



ps: Want more great tips and weekly inspiration? Join here + I will send you a gift (it’s totally free-yay!)

5 signs you’re addicted to helping + how it affects your love life + bank account!

You know that feeling when something someone says just ZINGS you and you feel like they are talking to you and only you?


Awhile ago, I was de-cluttering my home while listening to the fabulous Mona Lisa Schultz, intuitive medical advisor on Hay House the other day and she was talking about stresses on the body, specifically the adrenal glands, allergies and hormonal imbalances. I was half listening if truth be told but the phrase that caught my attention was: “Overcoming the need to serve and help people 24/7 can be likened to overcoming a cocaine addiction. It triggers the same responses in the body.” Hot. Damn. Guilty as charged. As she went through the list of medical issues, I saw the underlying root of the pain I had experienced in my body over the past 20 years. It wasn’t just environmental or just my diet or exercise routine. It was an overwhelming addiction to helping and needing to be needed (accompanied with the guilt that came when I said NO or tried to put limits on it) that was causing my body to go out of whack. Ovarian cysts, Interstitial Cystitis (bladder dysfunction), allergies since I was young enough to walk. The list went on and I decided to take it a step further and see how this misplaced need to help all the time affects our love life and relationships. After doing some inventory on my own relationship history and looking at the issues that my clients continually come to me with, there were 5 signs that kept popping up. See if you can recognize any of them in yourself.


5 signs you may be addicted to over-helping:


1. Most of your waking life is spent responding to other people’s needs other than your own.

2. When you aren’t helping someone you may feel guilty, inadequate or unworthy.

3. You tend to respond to other people’s pain and feel responsible for their suffering, especially when you feel good and they don’t.

4. You’re the first there to help out a friend who is in crisis or drop all your plans to help, even when your body is screaming for rest and relaxation.

5. As a result, you usually end up feeling too exhausted to follow through on your own plans but have a hard time saying NO.



How Over-Helping Affects Your Love Life + Finances: (Direct from my own experience  btw!)

  • You may attract men or women who you need to “fix” or rescue. (that never works but we think it does and then we are surprised when they up and leave after being healed!)

  • You send an energetic signal to others that you ARE unworthy of being a priority and thus you prove yourself right that you are unworthy if you aren’t helping… (totally false, but overhelping sets you up for this!)

  • You may feel more like an unpaid therapist or mother vs. a cherished woman in a relationship.

  • You may feel used (sexually, financially, energetically) but discarded emotionally.

  • You can be attracting players, psychic vampires (people who just take your energy and leave when they’ve had their fill), or partners who are good people but have a closed heart and are unable to give to you in the way you need, especially intimacy.

  • Your decision-making abilities may be clouded and you won’t be able to hear your intuition calling out “red flag!” because you’re so busy trying to rescue or help someone else first. This may cause you to doubt yourself and fosters a general sense of insecurity.


Ready to change your pattern? Here are a few things you can do to start:

If you said YES to any of the five in each category (or all of them if you’re like I was!) please don’t beat yourself up. It’s okay!

  • The first step is to recognize what is happening and talk to yourself with the love and respect you would a young child who is learning something new. When you recognize it, you are on the right track to making a change that will positively impact you and all your relationships.

  • When the need to over-help or over-extend comes up, notice where it lodges in your body. Close your eyes and breathe white light into that space. Let yourself feel the discomfort and the feelings that come up without needing to “fill” it with food or action. Let it be okay that it doesn’t feel comfortable. (It gets easier!)

  • Affirm: “I am worthy and loveable just as I am. As I give to myself, I am able to give to others.”


Your Turn: Have you been over-extending yourself? How has it affected your health and your relationships? What is ONE thing you are committed to do to change up the pattern? Let us know in the comments!


Diana DorellIntuitive Relationship Coach and Master Healer

Diana Dorell
Intuitive Relationship Coach and Master Healer

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Decision-making made simple…an spiritual tool to help you make better decisions + raise your confidence in love!

It’s no surprise that confidence is the #1 thing we all look for in prospective partners (and the #1 thing they look for in you too!) A confident woman is a powerful woman and this is different from arrogance in that the first leads with grace and clarity and the second leads with fear and uncertainty.

One thing that can help you become more confident is to become a NINJA in your decision-making skills. When you waffle between “should I do this? or should I do that?” land, you lose power, you start to doubt yourself and you tend give off a desperate, unsure vibe that turns men (or women) off. So what do you do? I’d like to share a spiritual energy technique you can use to help you make better decisions, which will set you up for attracting in relationships that are more balanced and energizing! I call it the “SPIRIT HAND” technique. Watch the video below or if you prefer to read the steps, scroll down!


Step 1: Get Grounded.

Close your eyes and breathe deeply into your belly 3-5 times. With every inhalation, think the word, “Love.” Receive Love from the Universe, the Spirit, Guides, whatever you believe in. Drink it in and with every exhalation, think the word, “GIVE.” Imagine that your breath is literally sending love and peace back out into the Universe and to all the people and causes you care about. SMILE as you do this.


Step 2: Prepare  + Get Specific

From this grounded state, write down the situation you have in question. Specifically write down 2 potential options.

Example: If your question is “Should I put myself back on Match . com?” then you could write down Choice #1: Putting myself back on Match   #2: Putting myself out there in other ways besides this dating site.

Then looking at your hands, decide which choice you will place in which hand. (Left or right). Don’t think so hard about this!


Step 3: Get Ready to Receive

Sitting down relaxed with your palms open to receive on your lap, visualize a line of pure white energy being flooded from the top of your head (crown chakra) all throughout your energy centers, through your whole body until you feel like you are literally glowing with white light. Use your imagination and don’t judge your experience or try to force anything. When you feel ready, out loud ask, “Spirit, please raise the hand that holds the path of my Higher Self.” Then following the energy that comes WITHOUT THINKING, one of your hands will immediately raise.

There is your insight!

A few tips:

1. Q: What if both of my hands raise?

A: You may need to go back to the grounding or double-check that you have two clear and distinct choices. If the choices are too similar, then you may get both up in the air!


2. Q: What if none of them raise up?

A: You may be afraid to hear the answer of your Soul. In that case, relax into the question and try the exercise again when you are truly ready to receive insight. Also check to see that the question you are asking is really what you want to ask.

3. Q: Can I influence the hand that goes up?

A: If you are truly surrendering to Spirit, the hand that raises will be of pure energy. That is why I have you say SPIRIT, please raise the hand vs. just saying the choices from your own name. A good rule of thumb: If you feel like you are influencing your hand, then you probably are! You are most likely in your head and I would recommend you ground again before doing this exercise! It takes practice to surrender but over time it will become easier and easier!


Did you try this? How did it go for you? Please leave a comment below!

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Are you ready for a spiritual get-away? Join me in the gorgeous Red Rocks of Sedona, Arizona November 7-9 for my annual spiritual retreat! Details to come soon but to get on the priority list, please click here.