One of my clients shared a very interesting dilemma she was having. One of her heart’s desires in addition to finding a spiritual soulmate was to write her first book to help children make their way in the world. She had been really procrastinating on it and the convo basically went something like this:

The Convo:

Her: “Diana, I am so proud of myself! After our last session, I actually created a writing schedule for myself. And I’m actually sticking to it! I wrote for 2 hours yesterday and it felt so amazing!

Me: That’s awesome! So, what’s the problem?

Her: “Well, I really want to be a relationship right now, and every time I seem to meet someone, I fall for them fast and end up just not making time for writing at all. It’s like I just put all my focus on them. I just met someone I really like…and I’m terrified that I’m just going to stop writing again and that I’m not going to live my Purpose and then I’ll just hate myself. What should I do?”

Hmmmm…very interesting indeed.

• Have you ever struggled with giving all your creative Life Force energy to someone you just met

• Ever worried about not fulfilling your Life Purpose because of a new (or existing) relationship?

• You’re going to love today’s post!

Below, I break down:

• The real issue that was keeping this woman (and possibly you) stuck +how she got out of it

• The immediate next step to take if you find yourself going down this train of thinking

• A Soul power thought you can use to stay aligned with your Purpose AND love

—

Part 1: The Real Issue (What I shared with her)

A: Okay, what could be going on here is that there may be a part of you that believes that to truly have abundance and flow in one area of your life requires that another area has to sacrificed or compromised. In this case your commitment to your writing/Purpose. It’s about reframing it from an  energy of “I have to have either/or to I totally and completely will create both/and.”

Second, you say, “I just put all my focus on them..” and then what happens? The relationship eventually ends, right? (she nodded and I went on..) because let’s face it, no one wants to be the sole focus of your attention 24/7. It creates an imbalance and what you’re really after I’m guessing is someone who adores you and actually inspires you/you inspire, right? So then it just becomes a matter of balancing out the distribution of energy you’re giving and energy you’re receiving.

Part 2: The Discovery

She coughed a few times. A great sign that her throat chakra, which rules communication was opening!

We did some major energy work around this as this “either/or” energy had been with her since she was a childhood (and honestly probably before that too). She experienced a huge release and we put together a simple action plan that allowed her to create specific blocks of time for her writing, the language to use when she found herself getting invited to activities with this new person who conflicted with that block (having the language for it is huge!) and she even came up with her own mantra to tell herself when she started falling back into the old fear.

Part 3: Your 4-Step Action Plan!

1. Notice

Where are you engaging in either/or thinking or behavior in your life right now? What are two areas that are really wanting your attention? Scan the core areas of your life and write it down.

2. Breathe

When you go into scarcity thinking, stop and take a deep breath. With each inhalation, visualize yourself receiving more of what you want. And on every exhalation, visualize yourself giving out love to the world from your new abundant state. It will take you to a different head-space.

3. Soul mantra it:

Say aloud, “I can now have both. It is safe for me to have both. Creating both helps me and the people I care about.” (This activates your subconscious but it also makes it about how this new thought will positively impact your relationship to others and how they view you too!)

4. Schedule it

Look at your calendar or sheet of paper. Where will you now make time for the things that keep falling to the wayside that are important to you? For your Soul Purpose-activating activities. These don’t have to be broad-sweeping business plans. I’m talking small steps. Example: Maybe from 1-2pm on Mondays you will commit to researching experts in the field in which you want to be in. Or you will look at going through your closet and putting together an outfit that is date-worthy and represents who you really are now!

Q: What is ONE thing you are going to do this week to move into a place of balance between your relationships and your Purpose? Share your Step 4 if you feel moved!

ps: Want to stop your monkey-mind chatter that’s keeping you from making an important decision around a relationship or your business/career? Sign up for my Intuition 101: How to Master Decision-Making course that kicks off June 2!

Intro rate ends TONIGHT at 12midnight PST.

Go here to join us:

You know that feeling when something someone says just ZINGS you and you feel like they are talking to you and only you?

Awhile ago, I was de-cluttering my home while listening to the fabulous Mona Lisa Schultz, intuitive medical advisor on Hay House the other day and she was talking about stresses on the body, specifically the adrenal glands, allergies and hormonal imbalances. I was half listening if truth be told but the phrase that caught my attention was: “Overcoming the need to serve and help people 24/7 can be likened to overcoming a cocaine addiction. It triggers the same responses in the body.” Hot. Damn. Guilty as charged. As she went through the list of medical issues, I saw the underlying root of the pain I had experienced in my body over the past 20 years. It wasn’t just environmental or just my diet or exercise routine. It was an overwhelming addiction to helping and needing to be needed (accompanied with the guilt that came when I said NO or tried to put limits on it) that was causing my body to go out of whack. Ovarian cysts, Interstitial Cystitis (bladder dysfunction), allergies since I was young enough to walk. The list went on and I decided to take it a step further and see how this misplaced need to help all the time affects our love life and relationships. After doing some inventory on my own relationship history and looking at the issues that my clients continually come to me with, there were 5 signs that kept popping up. See if you can recognize any of them in yourself.

5 signs you may be addicted to over-helping:

1. Most of your waking life is spent responding to other people’s needs other than your own.

2. When you aren’t helping someone you may feel guilty, inadequate or unworthy.

3. You tend to respond to other people’s pain and feel responsible for their suffering, especially when you feel good and they don’t.

4. You’re the first there to help out a friend who is in crisis or drop all your plans to help, even when your body is screaming for rest and relaxation.

5. As a result, you usually end up feeling too exhausted to follow through on your own plans but have a hard time saying NO.

How Over-Helping Affects Your Love Life + Finances: (Direct from my own experience  btw!)

• You may attract men or women who you need to “fix” or rescue. (that never works but we think it does and then we are surprised when they up and leave after being healed!)

• You send an energetic signal to others that you ARE unworthy of being a priority and thus you prove yourself right that you are unworthy if you aren’t helping… (totally false, but overhelping sets you up for this!)

• You may feel more like an unpaid therapist or mother vs. a cherished woman in a relationship.

• You may feel used (sexually, financially, energetically) but discarded emotionally.

• You can be attracting players, psychic vampires (people who just take your energy and leave when they’ve had their fill), or partners who are good people but have a closed heart and are unable to give to you in the way you need, especially intimacy.

• Your decision-making abilities may be clouded and you won’t be able to hear your intuition calling out “red flag!” because you’re so busy trying to rescue or help someone else first. This may cause you to doubt yourself and fosters a general sense of insecurity.

Ready to change your pattern? Here are a few things you can do to start:

If you said YES to any of the five in each category (or all of them if you’re like I was!) please don’t beat yourself up. It’s okay!

• The first step is to recognize what is happening and talk to yourself with the love and respect you would a young child who is learning something new. When you recognize it, you are on the right track to making a change that will positively impact you and all your relationships.

• When the need to over-help or over-extend comes up, notice where it lodges in your body. Close your eyes and breathe white light into that space. Let yourself feel the discomfort and the feelings that come up without needing to “fill” it with food or action. Let it be okay that it doesn’t feel comfortable. (It gets easier!)

• Affirm: “I am worthy and loveable just as I am. As I give to myself, I am able to give to others.”

Your Turn: Have you been over-extending yourself? How has it affected your health and your relationships? What is ONE thing you are committed to do to change up the pattern? Let us know in the comments!

Diana Dorell
Intuitive Relationship Coach and Master Healer

Want more? Sign up for weekly updates so you never miss a tip!