5 signs you’re addicted to helping + how it affects your love life + bank account!

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You know that feeling when something someone says just ZINGS you and you feel like they are talking to you and only you?

 

Awhile ago, I was de-cluttering my home while listening to the fabulous Mona Lisa Schultz, intuitive medical advisor on Hay House the other day and she was talking about stresses on the body, specifically the adrenal glands, allergies and hormonal imbalances. I was half listening if truth be told but the phrase that caught my attention was: “Overcoming the need to serve and help people 24/7 can be likened to overcoming a cocaine addiction. It triggers the same responses in the body.” Hot. Damn. Guilty as charged. As she went through the list of medical issues, I saw the underlying root of the pain I had experienced in my body over the past 20 years. It wasn’t just environmental or just my diet or exercise routine. It was an overwhelming addiction to helping and needing to be needed (accompanied with the guilt that came when I said NO or tried to put limits on it) that was causing my body to go out of whack. Ovarian cysts, Interstitial Cystitis (bladder dysfunction), allergies since I was young enough to walk. The list went on and I decided to take it a step further and see how this misplaced need to help all the time affects our love life and relationships. After doing some inventory on my own relationship history and looking at the issues that my clients continually come to me with, there were 5 signs that kept popping up. See if you can recognize any of them in yourself.

 

5 signs you may be addicted to over-helping:

 

1. Most of your waking life is spent responding to other people’s needs other than your own.

2. When you aren’t helping someone you may feel guilty, inadequate or unworthy.

3. You tend to respond to other people’s pain and feel responsible for their suffering, especially when you feel good and they don’t.

4. You’re the first there to help out a friend who is in crisis or drop all your plans to help, even when your body is screaming for rest and relaxation.

5. As a result, you usually end up feeling too exhausted to follow through on your own plans but have a hard time saying NO.

 

 

How Over-Helping Affects Your Love Life + Finances: (Direct from my own experience  btw!)

  • You may attract men or women who you need to “fix” or rescue. (that never works but we think it does and then we are surprised when they up and leave after being healed!)

  • You send an energetic signal to others that you ARE unworthy of being a priority and thus you prove yourself right that you are unworthy if you aren’t helping… (totally false, but overhelping sets you up for this!)

  • You may feel more like an unpaid therapist or mother vs. a cherished woman in a relationship.

  • You may feel used (sexually, financially, energetically) but discarded emotionally.

  • You can be attracting players, psychic vampires (people who just take your energy and leave when they’ve had their fill), or partners who are good people but have a closed heart and are unable to give to you in the way you need, especially intimacy.

  • Your decision-making abilities may be clouded and you won’t be able to hear your intuition calling out “red flag!” because you’re so busy trying to rescue or help someone else first. This may cause you to doubt yourself and fosters a general sense of insecurity.

 

Ready to change your pattern? Here are a few things you can do to start:


If you said YES to any of the five in each category (or all of them if you’re like I was!) please don’t beat yourself up. It’s okay!

  • The first step is to recognize what is happening and talk to yourself with the love and respect you would a young child who is learning something new. When you recognize it, you are on the right track to making a change that will positively impact you and all your relationships.

  • When the need to over-help or over-extend comes up, notice where it lodges in your body. Close your eyes and breathe white light into that space. Let yourself feel the discomfort and the feelings that come up without needing to “fill” it with food or action. Let it be okay that it doesn’t feel comfortable. (It gets easier!)

  • Affirm: “I am worthy and loveable just as I am. As I give to myself, I am able to give to others.”

 

Your Turn: Have you been over-extending yourself? How has it affected your health and your relationships? What is ONE thing you are committed to do to change up the pattern? Let us know in the comments!

 

Diana DorellIntuitive Relationship Coach and Master Healer

Diana Dorell
Intuitive Relationship Coach and Master Healer

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Decision-making made simple…an spiritual tool to help you make better decisions + raise your confidence in love!

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It’s no surprise that confidence is the #1 thing we all look for in prospective partners (and the #1 thing they look for in you too!) A confident woman is a powerful woman and this is different from arrogance in that the first leads with grace and clarity and the second leads with fear and uncertainty.

One thing that can help you become more confident is to become a NINJA in your decision-making skills. When you waffle between “should I do this? or should I do that?” land, you lose power, you start to doubt yourself and you tend give off a desperate, unsure vibe that turns men (or women) off. So what do you do? I’d like to share a spiritual energy technique you can use to help you make better decisions, which will set you up for attracting in relationships that are more balanced and energizing! I call it the “SPIRIT HAND” technique. Watch the video below or if you prefer to read the steps, scroll down!

 

Step 1: Get Grounded.

Close your eyes and breathe deeply into your belly 3-5 times. With every inhalation, think the word, “Love.” Receive Love from the Universe, the Spirit, Guides, whatever you believe in. Drink it in and with every exhalation, think the word, “GIVE.” Imagine that your breath is literally sending love and peace back out into the Universe and to all the people and causes you care about. SMILE as you do this.

 

Step 2: Prepare  + Get Specific

From this grounded state, write down the situation you have in question. Specifically write down 2 potential options.

Example: If your question is “Should I put myself back on Match . com?” then you could write down Choice #1: Putting myself back on Match   #2: Putting myself out there in other ways besides this dating site.

Then looking at your hands, decide which choice you will place in which hand. (Left or right). Don’t think so hard about this!

 

Step 3: Get Ready to Receive

Sitting down relaxed with your palms open to receive on your lap, visualize a line of pure white energy being flooded from the top of your head (crown chakra) all throughout your energy centers, through your whole body until you feel like you are literally glowing with white light. Use your imagination and don’t judge your experience or try to force anything. When you feel ready, out loud ask, “Spirit, please raise the hand that holds the path of my Higher Self.” Then following the energy that comes WITHOUT THINKING, one of your hands will immediately raise.

There is your insight!

A few tips:

1. Q: What if both of my hands raise?

A: You may need to go back to the grounding or double-check that you have two clear and distinct choices. If the choices are too similar, then you may get both up in the air!

 

2. Q: What if none of them raise up?

A: You may be afraid to hear the answer of your Soul. In that case, relax into the question and try the exercise again when you are truly ready to receive insight. Also check to see that the question you are asking is really what you want to ask.

3. Q: Can I influence the hand that goes up?

A: If you are truly surrendering to Spirit, the hand that raises will be of pure energy. That is why I have you say SPIRIT, please raise the hand vs. just saying the choices from your own name. A good rule of thumb: If you feel like you are influencing your hand, then you probably are! You are most likely in your head and I would recommend you ground again before doing this exercise! It takes practice to surrender but over time it will become easier and easier!

——–

Did you try this? How did it go for you? Please leave a comment below!

Want more insight? sign up for my free audio class + newsletter!

 

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ps:
Are you ready for a spiritual get-away? Join me in the gorgeous Red Rocks of Sedona, Arizona November 7-9 for my annual spiritual retreat! Details to come soon but to get on the priority list, please click here.

How to Deal with Disappointment…7 golden nuggets to help you

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Q: How do I deal with disappointment in love?

A: *channeled by Diana’s Spirit Guides for all who read this 

Dear Soul,

1. Do not be afraid of your sadness or your anger. Feel it. Denial of your feelings creates unnecessary suffering.

2. What is truly yours can never be withheld from you. We only want the very best for you and to get the very best, your Soul must learn certain lessons that you could not learn if you had the thing the most desire at this time.

3. Learn to fill up your own cup of self-love. Fill it full everyday or you will look to others to fill it up  for you and will always be left feeling empty and alone. 

4. Disappointment can show you where your greatest desires lie. Listen. They may surprise you.

5. Every manifestation has an ebb and a flow. The ocean does not care what you look like. It will ebb and flow. But when you confuse yourself with being the ebb or the flow, that is when you create problems.

6. Every emotion is fleeting. Wait a minute. Another will arise. Do not judge it. Love it. 

7. You may have heard the saying “Tomorrow is another day.” Consider shifting this to “I am only one thought away from love.” Then choose it. 

With Love and Infinite Blessings, 

The Universe.

Your Intuitive Relationship Coach, Diana Dorell

Your Intuitive Relationship Coach, Diana Dorell

Your turn: On this New Moon, which number #1-7 resonated with you tonight? Share below and tell us why!

 

ps: Ready for a Breakthrough? TWO Spaces left to work with me this Spring and help you break through the barriers that have kept you from your soul mate and your self-confidence in relationships! Click here.

 

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New Video: What is your subconscious telling you? “I don’t date short guys…”

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Our predominant thoughts create our reality and especially when it comes to dating!

Watch the video below to learn:

  • How Diana feels about “not dating short guys” and other interesting things we tell ourselves
  • Hear a real-life dating example of the subconscious at work
  • A simple prompt you can ask yourself to find out what YOUR subconscious thoughts run your love life!

 

When it comes to dating I believe that…(come up with at least 3 things).

 

 Ask yourself, “Do I truly believe this?”

 

 “Does this thought/statement feel expansive in my body?”

 

 “Is this thought/statement actually helping me find love or not?”

 

 If not, you know you’ve got some Soul excavation to do! But awareness is the first step and you did it!

 

 

 

After you watch: What advice would you give to woman Diana spoke to? Do you agree/disagree? What subconscious thoughts have you found that sabotage or support you when going on a date? Share in the comments below!

ps: Are you coming to NYC for Diana’s event May 17th? Find out more here!

 

Want to turn heads? Master this…

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You know those women at a party or networking event that people seem to just gravitate towards? They may not be conventionally beautiful but they have that well…THING that makes you and other people, especially men, want to be near them? I call it the Glow. These women are literally glowing and being in their presence can often activate all sorts of weird insecurities you may not care to admit to yourself like:

I hate my body. I wish my boobs/butt/thighs/etc were bigger/smaller/tighter, etc. 

What does she have that I don’t?

What’s wrong with me?

Comparing ourselves to another takes a lot of emotional energy and actually repels your future partner from you because your light isn’t on. So…how do you turn your Light on? How do you turn heads?

Here’s the golden nugget: You too can turn heads. One simple thing you can do is to step out of comparison land and consider this:

“Anything you can recognize in another, you already possess in yourself.” Tweet that!

 

So if you notice the Glow in someone,  ask yourself immediately, “What qualities does she/he have that I’m drawn to in this moment?” Maybe it’s her open heart. Maybe it’s her confidence. Maybe it’s even her ability to hold her boundaries with others.You have those qualities too. But it’s your responsibility to activate them and bring them out. When you do, the world is your oyster and your Light’s brightness is no longer dictated by your outer circumstances or environment. And that is damn attractive!

 

Example:

If it’s confidence you see in that woman, ask yourself, “Where do I need to be more confident in my life? What would help me step into that confidence? Start there and pick an action.”When you do that, you are literally turned on from the inside out and if you do this consistently, you will have men or women falling all over you! 

YOUR TURN: It definitely takes practice, but I’d love to hear from you: What’s your Glow factor?

Think about someone who you admire who has the Glow factor. It could be a friend, celebrity, co-worker, etc. Got them? Okay, now ask yourself, “What is one quality that I admire about them?” Write down the first thing that comes.Then, finish this statement: I now own my __________________ (fill in the quality you wrote down about them) with love and joy! State it outloud in the mirror and notice how you feel.

 

What is your fabulous Glow statement? Share with us in the comments if you feel guided! You’d be surprised just by stating it and sharing it how much energy you move!

 

ps:

Want to be a Master Head-Turner? How about double your income, call in more dates or become a decision-making ninja who isn’t stopped by self-doubt and second guessing? All of the above? It all comes from the same Source and ff you said YES PLEASE, I want YOU at my exclusive event in New York City: Five Star Soul May 17th! Click here for deets!