on dating multiple people-good idea or not?

Have you ever had friends or even a coach tell you to date more than one person at the same time?

If you tend to be someone who is a one-person-kinda-goddess, this dating tip can feel weird or off-putting.

But when you understand the right way to do it, it can actually help you increase your chances of attracting a quality relationship. 

Without feeling icky or inauthentic, which is key!

Watch here or prefer to read? Scroll down!

1. Stay objective

Dating multiple people at once helps you get to know whether or not you have compatible values, relationship goals and how you feel about yourself when you are with them…without getting so emotionally attached to one before you know who they actually are!

Now, notice I said dating multiple people, not sleeping with multiple people.

In this sense, dating meaning going out, having conversations and getting to know each other.

2. Commit for the right reasons

Putting all your energy into one person or sleeping with someone too early before you know where they stand in relation to what you truly want can muddy the waters and make you attach prematurely and for the wrong reasons.

Getting to know multiple people can help you sift through what you truly want and make sure you are moving towards a shared goal together. And if it’s not right, it’s easier to move on! 

3. Honesty is key.

Until you have an exclusive arrangement (which is a conversation you both have with each other), you are not obligated to share that you are seeing other people. Particularly if you are not being physically intimate with anyone.

However, if you want to disclose that, that is totally up to you. If asked, and you want to say something, you could say, “I’m getting to know a few people right now and when exclusivity is discussed with anyone, of course that will change things.”

The more you can follow these 3 principles, the more you can increase your chances of picking the right person to move forward with!

Q: Which principle spoke to you the most? Share by leaving a comment here and make sure you grab your free gift: 7 Goddess Secrets to Up Your Confidence Now! www.dianadorell.com

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same guy, different face

Have you ever felt like you’ve dated the same type of person with a different face?

Often times, you don’t even realize it’s happening until a well-meaning friend points it out (usually the one that is exhausted from hearing you vent because it’s the same…freakin story and they know how it ends, but you don’t listen!)

Sometimes we choose partners who remind us of our parent(s).

Or we choose their exact opposite in an attempt to rebel against a pattern.

Or sometimes it’s totally random, but there is a pattern to the randomness.

I was out the other day and this woman near me started talking about how she keeps calling in married men.

She doesn’t know why this keeps happening.

I stayed quiet because I was doing my best to just listen and take my “love coach” hat off, but she kept going and said, “Do you have any ideas?”

When I told her my line of work, she burst out laughing and said it must be the Cosmos because she usually never opens up that much to someone she barely knows.

Here’s what I shared with her:

Instead of focusing on “why,” I suggested she focus on “what.”

Specifically, I posed this question for her to ask herself: “What are you getting from dating unavailable (still married) men?”

She looked at me like I was crazy at first and said, “Nothing! They can’t give me what I want.”

But I asked her to go deeper than that.

There is always a pay-off, even if it’s small or weird…that we are receiving when we find ourselves in a pattern.

Maybe the pay-off is that it’s familiar, so you know there is an end-point.

In her case, when she really dug in, she came up with this:

“What I’m getting is that I don’t have to put myself out there fully-opening up after being hurt so many times feels scary, so when they are married, it’s like having a part time boyfriend who only knows the bit about me that’s exciting and sexy and fun, but it’s also lonely because I know it’s not going anywhere.”

Whoa.

Lightbulb moment.

The payoff was not having to put herself out there fully…

And once she owned that’s what was going on, that was the starting place to shift that pattern.

So over to you.

What’s a pattern you notice about yourself in relationship?

What could you be getting out of it?

Share with us in the comments and if you enjoy reading stories like this and want to learn some simple but powerful tools to start breaking the pattern, check out my best-selling book, The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again in the store!

the paradox of nurturing

Happy Wed!

If you’ve been in my world awhile you’ve heard me speak on feminine and masculine energy.

When you have two people in their masculine or two in their feminine, the energy is neutralized and it’s often at this point when people call me saying things like:

“He used to pay all this attention to me and now he treats me like a roommate…

or “We stopped having sex and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

or…”This girl I was seeing for a few dates totally went hot and cold on me.”

Not always, but often, it comes down to polarity and energy.

When it comes to romantic relationships, the thing that makes the spark stay alive is polarity, or the energy of opposites.

And contrary to what most people believe, nurturing is actually a masculine task, not a feminine energy one.

It is giving energy and when you’re giving too much, you’re setting yourself up to be put in a “neutral”/mother role vs. a partner role.

But it’s a delicate dance.

You don’t want to never nurture or give the impression that you are unemotional and uncaring.

But you also don’t want to over-nurture and end up being the “mommy.”

Today’s Q+A comes from Rachel: “Where is the line between nurturing and over-functioning in my masculine energy with a man? Is it never okay to nurture, even if my man is sick?”

Play the audio below to hear my answer:

what to do if he won’t stop texting…

It’s Q+A time, where I take your questions from the community.

Have something you want me to answer for future posts? Go here to submit anonymously!

Today’s question is about communication.

NOTE: Even if you can’t relate to her particular situation, the advice shared applies to any relationship where you are feeling overwhelmed with a certain behavior from another.

Q: “I have a weird problem. This guy I’ve been seeing for three months constantly texts me. All day. Every day. I feel silly complaining about this but I really like him, but I feel this constant pressure to respond all the time, even though sometimes I really have nothing to say. I wish he would text LESS…and I’m starting to feel annoyed but I don’t want to push him away. Help!”

This isn’t a weird problem! 

It can be a delicate dance when you really love someone but the way they are choosing to communicate isn’t working for you.

A:  Less is more Goddess. Men respond to actions more than words. If you want him to text less, you can give yourself permission to not respond to every single text. He may think you expect multiple daily texts (who knows-maybe some woman in his past got mad because he didn’t do this!) so instead of having a conversation about it, which could put him on the defensive, just focus on what it is you want. Maybe it’s less texts with more substance. Or you want him to call you. A simple message like, “I miss hearing your voice baby…” mid-day could send him a clear message to call. What you respond to, you will get more of. Good luck!

Now over to you: Have you ever faced a similar situation? What advice would you share? Leave a comment below!

how to stop accepting crumbs in a relationship

Nothing annoys me more and makes me want to do some scary Kali-Ma drumming rage dance than hearing woman after woman call me + say some version of this:

I’m okay accepting crumbs….it’s not that bad.

Oh. my. Goddess. Nooooooo!

This madness must stop and especially the day before National Self-Love Day and 2 days before the V-day, I’m not going to sugar coat it.

You will never create the type of amazing, lasting, nourishing relationship you say you want if you keep accepting crumbs.

It’s like walking by this gorgeous cake with your name on it and deliberately walking two blocks out of your way to pick up the crusty, nasty CRUMBS that some other goddess left behind as she was eating her gorgeous cake.

It’s in-sanity!

Why do we do this?

A few specific examples of how this shows up in real-life:

  • saying yes to booty calls with your ex (who you’re supposedly ‘over’) 
  • getting stood up on a date and letting the guy reschedule?! (after you text him to find out wtf happened).
  • calling your friend because you really need a friendly ear after a shitty day at work..and then letting her steer the conversation to herself for the entire call and keeping quiet about it.

No. no. no.

If this is pissing you off too, I’m doing my job.

If you are ready to retire your crumb-accepting crappy broken tiara once and for all, here are 3 behaviors you’re going to need to stop.
Stop the following-

1. Stop thinking you won’t get anything else if you reject this crappy, unacceptable option.
I call this the something-is-better-than-nothing mentality. Yes, it takes courage to walk away when you don’t have a guarantee that something else will immediately rush in to take its place. But it’s a discipline and requires a lot of self-trust and trust in more than enough.

2. Stop believing that it’s “greedy” to want more than the bare minimum and that wanting more makes you a bad person.

This usually comes from childhood and what was modeled to us around being a “good” girl. Wanting more than the minimum can feel scary but you’re going to have to shift this if you want to be treated like the Queen you are.

3. Stop letting other people dictate your standards.

Often times, it’s easier to just not have any standards, but leaves you constantly at the mercy of what other people decide. And it’s hard to attract a quality relationship when your standards are non-existent or unclear. So get some girlfriend and take  ownership of this!

The more you can stop these three behaviors, the sooner you’ll be on your way to not even notice the yucky crumbs and claim the whole damn cake.

ps: It’s likely that the pattern of accepting crumbs isn’t one that just started. And it can be easier to navigate and break when you have a partner beside you who has been through the ropes. If you’re ready to turbo-charge your results this year, private coaching can help you get there! Click here to explore coaching and book a complimentary love-assessment call with Diana.