a reframe if you hate confrontation…(love tip)

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Do you tend to shy away from confrontation or sharing how you feel?

I was speaking with a client about this awhile back.

For privacy sake, we’ll call her Jasmine.

All her life, Jasmine had learned that it wasn’t safe to be seen or to have a voice.

It was very much an old-school mentality of children should be “seen, not heard.”

So, naturally when she got into a relationship, anytime her needs were not be met (or she knew deep down she had to voice them and have a confrontation), this inexplicable terror would come up.

A fear of abandonment. (What if they leave me after I say this?)

A fear of being yelled at (or iced out). (What if they go silent or yell at me?)

A fear of upsetting or angering them.  (What if I let them down or make them mad?)

This was all coming from a childhood core belief that it wasn’t safe to express or even have a voice.

And a secondary belief that she didn’t matter and her opinions and feelings weren’t important.

Once she identified that, some energy released but that fear of confrontation was still very strong.

I offered her this reframe on “confrontation” that helped her put things in perspective and feel safer to have the dialogue she wanted to have with her boyfriend.

Consider this:

What if instead of viewing it as a confrontation, it was an opportunity to feel your power and connect?
Words have a frequency and even reframing confrontation to opportunity sends out a different vibe!
In one, we are expecting it to be one-sided, ie: “I’ll be saying what I need to and the other person will be the recipient of my verbal hurl and venting.”

It breeds separation.

Me vs. you.

None of which can foster an open dialogue and connection.

But an opportunity to feel your power and connect with yourself and another?

It’s a win:win.

When we share from a place of grounded connectedness, even when what you have to say is uncomfortable or painful, it is more likely to be received and heard.

Then it becomes a conversation vs a one-sided confrontation.

It takes practice and a willingness to express yourself in an imperfect, but honest way.

And it’s a good first step in fostering a new belief that it is indeed safe (and encouraged) to share your voice with the person you care about.

Jasmine got clear on what she wanted to say and will be having a conversation with her guy this weekend.

Win:win.

Are you ready to feel safe to express yourself?
Join Awaken: 21 Days To Embrace Your Inner Goddess!
Early bird rate ends May 31.
www.dianadorell.com/awaken2020

Q: Have you ever struggled with confrontation? What helped you to be more at ease with expressing yourself?

Share below and if you would like to read empowering stories from my own dating files as well as friends and clients, check out my bestselling book, The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again!

can you find love if you don’t have your shi& together….

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Oooo today’s Q+A is juicy!

This is where I take your questions from the community.

Have a question you want me to consider for the blog? Share it here!

Today’s Q: “Diana, I want to be in a relationship, but I feel like I don’t have all my shi(z) together, especially when it comes to dealing with my emotions and it sounds silly but my finances. I feel like I should be further along and while I do okay for myself, I feel like it may turn off a potential partner….I feel a little embarrassed and like a fraud. Help!”

Wowzers.

This is a great question and one I’m sure we can all relate to.

Who hasn’t ever felt like a ‘fraud’ in some area of their life, right?

It’s a very common feeling, especially among the big hearted, high-achievers that I work with.

Here’s my response:

3 simple daily practices to clear mental clutter

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Have you ever had one of those days where you can’t seem to get anything done because you’re obsessing about something that happened…or someone?

Maybe it was a conversation, lack of communication, miscommunication or just plain ghosting!

It can be really difficult to get past the mental and emotional clutter but there is good news!

It’s not impossible.

By engaging in three very simple daily practices, you can begin to clear out the clutter, increase mental clarity and be more in balance with your emotions.

*Funny note: ironically, today’s tips were actually inspired by a dog that I sat for awhile ago.

His name is Andre.

I dubbed him Andre the Giant even though he is a tiny chihuahua.

Here are the 3 practices to incorporate daily into your life..


#1 Play with Purpose

At any given moment, he would go into a spastic “Happy Dance” where he’d wiggle his little body, bury his nose in the blanket and roll over with a satisfied grunt. Then he’d proceed to run around my entire home with his stuffed baby elephant until he was complete. It was pretty amazing to watch and I couldn’t help but get in the game and play with him. I got so much done after that!

YOU: In all your relationships, could you commit to making some time each day to just play without agenda or purpose? 

Example: Do a video conferencing wine night with all your girlfriends who live out of state, tell a silly joke  or story and ask your partner to share one too, tickle your lover, etc! When we can play, we up the fun factor and the energy you give off is attractive, open and expansive.


2. Kiss and Make Up

Andre chewed a corner off my current favorite hardcover book and I was livid.  Fuming. And with tail between his legs, he knew Auntie Diana was not happy.

So I did what a lot of us adults do when we’re mad in relationships.

I ignored him and pretended like everything was fine. (A truly passive aggressive, confusing combination to the other party in our lives!)

And inside I felt like I was going to burst. 

His ears perked up and he promptly climbed into my lap and started kissing my arm. When that didn’t work, he started kissing my knee.

And when I still wasn’t looking at him, he went for it and started kissing my big toe, which made me burst out in laughter! I said, “Andre, I am very mad at you right now. Never touch my books again, especially if they are on the floor. But I love you and thank you for the kisses.” 

Message received. All my books are intact to my knowledge and the kisses keep coming.

YOU:  Instead of holding your emotion in, how would it feel to let it out in a creative way for a change? Could you communicate clearly what it is you’re feeling, without trying to “make it right” or avoid personal responsibility?

A good formula that works: 

  • State your feeling in the moment, not the past  (I feel…right now).
  • State what you want to see change (be specific and don’t blame).
  • End with an authentic compliment (I love you, I appreciate you for ___, etc).

3.    Embrace the power of stillness and space (aka do nothing) everyday.

Andre has no problem sleeping all day and bouncing from fuzzy blanket to stuffed pillow with stretch breaks in between.

It was actually amazing to me and sometimes as I was working in my home office, I literally would forget he was there because he was sleeping like a cat, quiet as a mouse, content to do nothing at all.

No apologies. No sneaking around like he was being “productive.”

Just full-out lazing about. It was really quite admirable and I found myself feeling envious, so I did a little experiment.

Instead of darting to my computer right when my eyes opened, I took a bubble bath.

And just sat there in the tub. Closed my eyes. Listened to Pandora and just splashed about without any cares.

For like 30 whole minutes (I have to start small right?). Then I made some fresh juice for myself and petted Andre, who was happy to see me adopting his pampering, guilt-free attitude!

All this happened before 11am. After that, the shit I was obsessing about the night before stopped and I got a day’s worth of stuff done in literally 3 hours. 

But that wasn’t all.

I heard from the guy that I’d be obsessing about that I thought had dropped off the face of the earth.

Turns out, there was nothing to be concerned about. I just crafted a crazy story in my head.

And I realized, wow. There really is something to this “do nothing/relax” time!

YOU: What “stillness” activities sound like fun for you to incorporate into your day? Doing these activities consistently, even if just for 10 minutes could potentially save you hours of time and increase your mental clarity, focus and intuition!

Over to you:

Q: Which one of the 3 practices above will you embody this week? List your choice below!
ps: Do you struggle with managing your emotions? Are you ready to break free from old patterns in relationships that are keeping you stuck? Private coaching can help! Go here to book a consult call + check out other ways I can be of service to you right now. 

may’s going to be magical! your message inside

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Happy May!

Wow-what a whirlwind April was, yea?

I don’t know about you, but I am ready for a lighter, smoother energy!

So much was getting sorted out in April and if you’re feeling a little beat down, confused or just like…what is ahead?! it’s all okay!

I was delighted when I sat down and pulled the cards for May to share with you.

If you’re new, welcome! Each month, I do a monthly forecast using Goddess oracle cards to help you have an overview for the vibe ahead.

When it comes to relationships, I find that pulling cards can help confirm what I already know to be true deep inside.

Sometimes when we look at images or symbols, it taps into that part of our subconscious that by-passes fear and rationalization….so you can hear your Truth and inner knowings and rumblings…

Which of course, is the place where you learn how to take care of yourself and how to embody love with another.

Ready?

Q: Which card spoke to you? Why? Share a comment and if you’re an empath, be sure to grab your free gift: 21 Best Practices for Empaths right here.

when your intuition is wrong (Q+A!)

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Does your intuition seem to be working on overdrive?

Is it really your intuition? Or is it something else?

It’s Q+A time-where I take your questions from the community.

Today’s question:
“Diana, I had a dream about my ex and getting married. It’s definitely a sign from my intuition that I should call him and re-connect, right?”

A: Will calling him move you closer where you want to be or further away?  
Sometimes our subconscious just needs to work something out. It doesn’t always mean we need to leap to conclusions or take the dreams literally. If you ask your intuition and sit quietly with the possibility of contacting them, you’ll get a definite answer to the first question I posed by how you feel before you act rashly and regret it later by eating lots of chocolate and pizza. (been there, done that.. and it doesn’t feel very good!)

There’s a difference between listening to your Intuition and totally giving your power away to avoid having to tune into yourself and take grounded, concrete action.

So, taking the time to identify where you’re at with the question posed above can help you discern.

ps: Having trouble letting go of your ex? This is one of my specialities! Go here to book an intuitive reading or healing session to get clarity!