how to have a difficult conversation with your boyfriend (or friend!)

Your stomach is tight. You may even get a headache or find it really hard to breathe.

You start distracting yourself by cleaning, checking email or doing a million other “important” things to avoid having the inevitable “talk” with someone that has been a long time coming. Your mind races with thoughts like:

What if they hate me?

What if I shoot myself in the foot and say the wrong thing?

What if I’m just being ridiculous and unreasonable?

Not to worry, goddess. I’ve got you covered.

Use this.

4 steps to have a difficult conversation with your boyfriend (or friend!)

Step 1: Set your space and be real.

“Hey, (insert their name). I really appreciate you for listening right now/taking a few minutes to hear me out. I have always admired (insert genuine compliment here or say nothing!)

Optional: “This is uncomfortable for me to share with you but I need to say this.”

 Step 2: Lay out what you want without emotion

“I want (to end our relationship, a divorce, a raise, to change directions in this project, to reconsider my initial offer, to feel heard in this relationship, etc….”)

 Step 3. Spell out your feelings (no one can argue with them!) AND any actions that you will be taking as a result

“This doesn’t feel right anymore and I need to honor that. Because of that, I/we will be _____________ 

OR,

“In order for this to feel right, I need to see the following things happen: _____________(state anything they can do to make it right)___________ .

Example: “This doesn’t feel right anymore and I need to honor that. Because of that, I will (moving on, moving out, etc.).

Step 4: Appreciate them again and Choose your ending

*Do you want to hear them out and continue the discussion? If so, choose this:

“I appreciate you listening to me and I’d love to give you space now to share anything you’ve been wanting to say to me. I’m all ears.” (Then you REALLY have to listen and do your best to avoid interrupting or getting defensive. Follow through.)

*Do you just want to wrap up the conversation and end the discussion gracefully? If so, choose this:

“I am sharing this with you because I respect you and am just doing what feels true for me. (appreciate them and set the boundary).

I understand you may have more questions but I’ve shared what feels right for me in this situation and am unwilling to continue discussing it at this time. (set your parameters. notice the word “unwilling” has a different vibration than “I can’t” or “I don’t want to”. It’s more powerful!) I’m choosing to move on and again, thank you for listening. That means a lot to me.”

(notice the end with a genuine compliment or nothing at all and follow through on what you say! They may try to test you and continue the conversation and in that case, just keep going back to “I’m unwilling to continue discussing this at this time…” or walk away if need be.) You never have to over explain or defend your choice.

Congratulations! You did it!

What to do after having a difficult conversation

It’s always nice to have something special planned for yourself after having any uncomfortable “talk.” It does not need to be expensive or fancy or even anything that requires money. You can go for a walk to your favorite park, schedule some time to do paint your nails or just browse at your favorite bookstore that you never got a chance to go in because you were worried about this conversation! Self-care is so important at the end of the “talk.”

 Take Action!

1. What is 1 suggestion you have that helps you prepare for a difficult conversation?

2. Post a comment here and let’s connect!

 ps: Do you want to let go of your ex?

This is one of my specialities and I would happy to be of service. Click here to book a free coaching consultation to get the ball rolling! 

3 qualities that make men want you

Have you ever seen women who may not have the best body, the most attractive face but they seem to draw an abundance of men and you can’t help but wonder, what does she have that I don’t?

They have this It factor about them and it’s more than just a great personality.

You can’t put your finger on it, but you want to know how you generate that for yourself.

The good news is that it’s not rocket science and it has nothing to with trying to be someone you aren’t. (hooray!)

Over the years of speaking with private clients, (and surveying my male clients!), I have found 3 consistent qualities that make the difference between being just another woman with a nice personality…and being the woman that he wants and can’t get enough of!

Listen here for the full juicy tips or prefer to read for cliff notes? Scroll down!

If you’ve been attracting men that aren’t treating you well or as well as you want,you’ll want to pay attention to these 3 qualities because the more you bring them out, the more he’s going to want you.

*For those of you who are happily married or happily single, the 3 qualities I share can easily translate to your other relationships (personal-family, friends, etc and professional-clients, JV partners, etc). 

Mystery: When you can hold back a bit emotionally and not disclose everything about your childhood, your ex, or any other heavy topic at the beginning, you create an air of mystery that makes him want to learn more. Staying in the mindset of “the best is yet to come” with communication and what you reveal can help generate this natural curiosity in others.

Optimism: Being happy about your life and being able to roll with the punches when things don’t go your way can make you irresistible to be around because the other person isn’t responsible for your happiness-it shines from within you! When you feel even happier when you are with them and are having fun when you are together, it also generates passion and a desire to give more to you.

Self-respect: There is a way to honor your boundaries and energy without being unkind or negative. Stating your preferences and using language that easily communicates how you expect to be treated (and demonstrating and backing this up through your actions) makes you a high-value woman.

The more you can cultivate each of these three qualities in yourself, the more he will want to claim you and make you his!

Q: Which of the three traits speaks to you today? Share a comment and are you desiring support in bringing out all three of these traits so you can be magnetic to men and other things in your life?

Book a free consultation and let’s talk!

3 ways jealousy can ruin a relationship

Listen to the audio below or prefer to read? Scroll down!

Q: Is jealousy ever healthy in a relationship? why or why not? 

Jealousy, if it is communicated in a playful way can be healthy-Example:  “I saw that waitress staring at you and it made me really jealous=you are so hot!” The key is making it light and playful. If you seriously believe that they are not doing anything to make it clear they are in a relationship then you have an issue with your partner around fidelity and that needs to be communicated.

3 ways that jealousy ruins a relationship:

1-It indicates a lack of trust in your partner. If you are constantly jealous, on some level you are saying to your partner, “I feel threatened and I don’t trust that you can reassure me.”

2-It breeds insecurity.If you’re feeling jealous all the time, your energy contracts and you are suddenly focused on the other person and what could go wrong vs what you appreciate about them and the relationship. They may start to pull away without realizing why.

3-What you focus on most is what you get more of.If you are focused on the negative then you will just recognize more of that and the Universe mirrors that back. Flip it and focus on trust and confidence within yourself around the relationship and you get more of that. What do you want to choose?

If you sense that jealousy could be ruining your relationship, first ask yourself if this is a one-time thing or if it’s a pervasive feeling and you never really trusted your partner from the beginning. Ask your intuition. It knows the truth. And consider having a heart to heart with your partner.

Q: Has jealousy been a problem in your relationship? How did you work through it? Leave a comment and are you new to the Goddess community?

ps: Do you want to be a LOVE magnet? A bit last minute, but I am hosting a free training on this very topic tomorrow night (Thursday) at 5pm PST. It’s recorded, so if you can’t make it live, no sweat! I’ll email you the replay. I don’t have a fancy sign up page for it-just click here to join me! 


Click here to download your free gift, “7 Goddess Secrets to Up Your Confidence Now!”

goddess guidance for june 2019: oracle readings!

In this video, I share Goddess Guidance for each week of June using Goddess oracle cards!

Take notes and feel free to pause the video after each card as you may likely get your own insights specific to you!

Go here to watch:

ps: Do you have a burning question you’d like some support around?
Click here

the single trait that makes you irresistible (feminine energy tip)

Have you seen the movie, Under the Tuscan Sun?

It’s one of my favorites and there is a line in there that’s worth repeating: “Never lose your childlike enthusiasm…it’s the most important thing….Also, you have to learn to live spherically…”

The character listening has been beating herself up, feeling sorry for herself because her husband left her for another woman, completely down.

And this other Goddess-like woman who lives rather unconventionally delivers those lines to her in response to how she’s always happy (and constantly surrounded by men and women alike!).

The single trait then?

The decision to live spherically vs. linearly.

This looks like:

  • cultivating joy and spending time and energy on the people you love
  • gracefully letting go of the things you can’t control
  • trusting that things will naturally fall into place 
  • accepting and allowing all emotions to exist without judging them or making up a story that is not self-loving.

This is something to practice each day-it’s not an end goal. After all, we all have those days when things feel impossible, our heads want to rule and try to grasp, mastermind and manipulate an outcome.

If that happens, don’t beat yourself up.

Simply be aware that it’s not an energy you want to stay in. 

Get back into your body, breathe and then you can make another choice.

One step at a time Goddess.

And watch the movie if you need a little pick me up! 😉

Love and Blessings,
Diana


ps: Would you like some support to learn how to do this on an ongoing basis? Go here and book a consult and let’s talk! https://dianadorell.com/work-with-me/