It can definitely be a gray area but it’s not impossible.
How do you even make that transition without it feeling super weird and fake?
Is there anything you can do to lay the groundwork for a healthy friendship after a breakup?
I tackle all these questions in today’s Goddess audio!
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Have you ever seen the movie, Bridget Jones’ Diary?
There’s a great line in there that goes something like this:
“Why is it that when one part of your life starts going brilliantly, another part always seems to fall spectacularly apart”
In the movie, she’s referring to being in a fun, exciting new relationship while her relationship with her mother starts to unravel. Fast.
Have you ever experienced that?
It can feel like the Universe is plotting against you but here’s what you must keep in mind…
<click below to hear what to do when one area of your life appears to be falling apart>
Prefer to read? Scroll down!
—- What to do when your life seems to be falling apart:
There are all these fancy phrases to describe this phenomenon, but to make it fun, let’s call it the “meltdown.”
Basically it’s when you dramatically up-level one area in your life that has been a thorn in your side ….and your subconscious freaks out.
It is feeling unsafe, unsteady and in new territory and all those pesky little beliefs that go contrary to your new reality decide to make an appearance.
All with the sole purpose of helping you feel comfortable. Safe. Status quo.
You’ve been going on dates, despite feeling scared. You agree to a second date, things are going amazingly well… and then… Your car craps out, you lose your job and your date ghosts you. All in the same week. You may think, “Does the Universe have my back?”
It can feel like the Universe is playing this nasty trick on you.
And it’s so easy to go into victim-mode, curl up in a ball and think the whole world is against you.
It’s easy to just stop trying for what you want and justify that you really like where you are..really….it’s not so bad, right? Lie!
But the thing is, these events, as frustrating as they are, are essential to you getting to the next level. In love and in life. They aren’t the verdict.
And it’s not the Universe saying you suck.
It’s part of the process of transforming your life from the inside out.
It’s a temporary side-effect on the way to creating what you desire.
It’s like popping the zit.
First all this crap comes to the surface, it pops and BAM! Clear skin.
Your face may be a little sore.
You may want to use some cover-up and hide out.
But all in all, it was just a zit.
Your Life Isn’t Falling Apart
In short: When you start taking massive action in the direction of your dreams, making changes and doing things differently than you’ve always done them, it can feel like your life is falling apart. But you don’t have to let it stop you. It can help you know that on the other side of pulling yourself out or asking for help out of the hole, is a new place.
One that is more like you.
A better fit.
More fun and way more real.
Will you rise to the challenge?
So, the real question is:
Are you willing to keep going towards your deepest desires even when your life appears to be falling apart? Or are you going to quit at the first sign of a challenge?
If so, in the comments below, post 1) what your big desire is and 2) one action you will take this week towards it!
PS: Want to feel more confident in your relationships, even when life gets hard?
Check out my book, The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again is officially out on Amazon!
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Your stomach is tight. You may even get a headache or find it really hard to breathe.
You start distracting yourself by cleaning, checking email or doing a million other “important” things to avoid having the inevitable “talk” with someone that has been a long time coming. Your mind races with thoughts like:
What if they hate me?
What if I shoot myself in the foot and say the wrong thing?
What if I’m just being ridiculous and unreasonable?
Not to worry, goddess. I’ve got you covered.
4 steps to have a difficult conversation with your boyfriend (or friend!)
Step 1: Set your space and be real.
“Hey, (insert their name). I really appreciate you for listening right now/taking a few minutes to hear me out. I have always admired (insert genuine compliment here or say nothing!)
Optional: “This is uncomfortable for me to share with you but I need to say this.”
Step 2: Lay out what you want without emotion
“I want (to end our relationship, a divorce, a raise, to change directions in this project, to reconsider my initial offer, to feel heard in this relationship, etc….”)
Step 3. Spell out your feelings (no one can argue with them!) AND any actions that you will be taking as a result
“This doesn’t feel right anymore and I need to honor that. Because of that, I/we will be _____________
“In order for this to feel right, I need to see the following things happen: _____________(state anything they can do to make it right)___________ .
Example: “This doesn’t feel right anymore and I need to honor that. Because of that, I will (moving on, moving out, etc.).
Step 4: Appreciate them again and Choose your ending
*Do you want to hear them out and continue the discussion? If so, choose this:
“I appreciate you listening to me and I’d love to give you space now to share anything you’ve been wanting to say to me. I’m all ears.” (Then you REALLY have to listen and do your best to avoid interrupting or getting defensive. Follow through.)
*Do you just want to wrap up the conversation and end the discussion gracefully? If so, choose this:
“I am sharing this with you because I respect you and am just doing what feels true for me. (appreciate them and set the boundary).
I understand you may have more questions but I’ve shared what feels right for me in this situation and am unwilling to continue discussing it at this time. (set your parameters. notice the word “unwilling” has a different vibration than “I can’t” or “I don’t want to”. It’s more powerful!) I’m choosing to move on and again, thank you for listening. That means a lot to me.”
(notice the end with a genuine compliment or nothing at all and follow through on what you say! They may try to test you and continue the conversation and in that case, just keep going back to “I’m unwilling to continue discussing this at this time…” or walk away if need be.) You never have to over explain or defend your choice.
Congratulations! You did it!
What to do after having a difficult conversation
It’s always nice to have something special planned for yourself after having any uncomfortable “talk.” It does not need to be expensive or fancy or even anything that requires money. You can go for a walk to your favorite park, schedule some time to do paint your nails or just browse at your favorite bookstore that you never got a chance to go in because you were worried about this conversation! Self-care is so important at the end of the “talk.”
1. What is 1 suggestion you have that helps you prepare for a difficult conversation?
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Have you ever seen women who may not have the best body, the most attractive face but they seem to draw an abundance of men and you can’t help but wonder, what does she have that I don’t?
They have this It factor about them and it’s more than just a great personality.
You can’t put your finger on it, but you want to know how you generate that for yourself.
The good news is that it’s not rocket science and it has nothing to with trying to be someone you aren’t. (hooray!)
Over the years of speaking with private clients, (and surveying my male clients!), I have found 3 consistent qualities that make the difference between being just another woman with a nice personality…and being the woman that he wants and can’t get enough of!
Listen here for the full juicy tips or prefer to read for cliff notes? Scroll down!
If you’ve been attracting men that aren’t treating you well or as well as you want,you’ll want to pay attention to these 3 qualities because the more you bring them out, the more he’s going to want you.
*For those of you who are happily married or happily single, the 3 qualities I share can easily translate to your other relationships (personal-family, friends, etc and professional-clients, JV partners, etc).
Mystery: When you can hold back a bit emotionally and not disclose everything about your childhood, your ex, or any other heavy topic at the beginning, you create an air of mystery that makes him want to learn more. Staying in the mindset of “the best is yet to come” with communication and what you reveal can help generate this natural curiosity in others.
Optimism: Being happy about your life and being able to roll with the punches when things don’t go your way can make you irresistible to be around because the other person isn’t responsible for your happiness-it shines from within you! When you feel even happier when you are with them and are having fun when you are together, it also generates passion and a desire to give more to you.
Self-respect: There is a way to honor your boundaries and energy without being unkind or negative. Stating your preferences and using language that easily communicates how you expect to be treated (and demonstrating and backing this up through your actions) makes you a high-value woman.
The more you can cultivate each of these three qualities in yourself, the more he will want to claim you and make you his!
Q: Which of the three traits speaks to you today? Share a comment and are you desiring support in bringing out all three of these traits so you can be magnetic to men and other things in your life?
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