Q: I have people that I’ve been friends with for years and while they sometimes put me down, I feel bad if I say anything to them. I’m tired of being single and I wonder why I’m still alone. Any advice on what I should do?
A: This is an awesome question as it speaks to several areas that could definitely help you bump up what I call your “Sparkle” factor aka your relationship mojo.
In this video (5:42 sec) you will learn:
The top reason why you could be blocking love without even knowing it
Why it’s so hard to stand up to friends and how to know if you just need a boundary or whether you should say goodbye to them
3 questions to ask yourself to do a “Friendventory” on friends that are dragging you down
oodles of love and encouragement from Diana
After you watch, be sure to post a comment to the question below!
3 questions to ask yourself to do a “Friendventory”
1) When you think about how you FEEL in your friendship, is it anything like I described with the chiropractor’s office next to Dominoes? Uncomfortable, icky or like you just can’t wait until you can be somewhere else?
2) So, ask yourself, “What’s the biggest price you’re paying by keeping these people in your life?” What is the payoff?I understand you feel bad if you say something to them, but by not saying anything at all, you’re getting the short end of the stick and you’re saying that it’s okay for them to continue the behavior. Next, you have to look at the payoff. Even if you don’t think there is one, there ALWAYS is one. What do you get to AVOID looking at in your life? What would have to change in YOUR life if you didn’t have drama with your friendships or close associations?
3) Would you feel comfortable introducing your Mr. Right, fabulous guy to them?
If not, then you may have to have an uncomfortable conversation and wean them from your life to make room for people who love, respect and want to root for you! You deserve it Goddess! Thanks so much for asking this and keep us posted on what happens!
Do YOU have a story about letting go of a friendship that wasn’t working? What helped you make the decision? Any advice or suggestions? Share by posting a comment below!
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Want to know the secret to receiving more compliments, unexpected gifts and yes, more attention from the opposite sex?The best part? It costs nothing and once you practice it enough, it will be become second nature.
I want to share it because it can also help you dramatically improve how you feel about yourself and consequently, increase the amount of positive attention and gifts you receive (sometimes from out of the blue, perfect strangers!)
Years ago, I tried it on my banker in California (shhh, don’t tell him!) and I actually was able to get a lot of annoying bank charges removed on my account and I think I said one sentence. That same day, I made sure I used the secret while walking on the street back to my house and even though I was wearing my ratty jeans and a tank top, I had more men staring and smiling at me than I thought was possible. (You know that feeling when you swear they must be staring at someone behind you so you try to be all cool, but then you realize, WOW, they really ARE staring at me?!) But the ultimate was when I used the secret and I got a phone call from a man that I was thinking about and obsessing when he was going to call me and voila, he called!
Now, of course everyone is different, but that’s just the tip of what is possible if you commit to using this secret.
The Secret: The Pleasure Vibe
There’s two parts to this secret. Part 1 is about YOU. Part 2 is about other people.
How it works:
Part 1 is about taking time to PLEASURE yourself every single day.NOTE: Now, to be clear, I’m not just talking about physical pleasure aka get out your vibrator, have crazy quickie sex etc, but that’s certainly one way to go about it. Pleasure is about any activity that activates your senses and is a personal ritual that you do for YOU.
This could be: reading a book in the park, taking a bubble bath, shopping at that vintage boutique you say you’re going to go to but never do, you get the picture. It’s non-negotiable time that is simply existing to pleasure and delight you. And you must do it EVERY DAY. It need not cost any money or take up your entire afternoon but it’s something that fills your cup up. See, when we take the time to consciously insert PLEASURE into our day, it actually sends a calming vibration to the brain and nervous system. It’s something to look forward to and while I’m not a scientist or a doctor, I know when I engage in it, my heart rate goes down, I feel lighter, saner and I come up with my most brilliant ideas. Because when you’re in pleasure or anticipating it, your energy is OPEN. It’s excited and BRIGHT. And that’s the SAME energy that attracts a man (or woman) worthy of your time.
So, what’s YOUR Pleasure activity? Write it down _____________________ .(You can probably think of more than that can’t you? Write the others down too!)
Part 2 is about consciously conjuring up pleasure feeling with other people in your everyday environment.
Now I know that sounded all witchy (conjuring is such a cool word!) but it’s never about manipulation. At all. It’s about choosing what to focus on in others and subconsciously, yourself. Because let’s face it. We’re all narcissistic and anyone we meet is simply a reflection of ourselves, or a part of ourselves that we recognize somewhere from some time.
How it works: Whenever you engage with someone, whether eye contact or conversation, pick ONE area of their body to appreciate. Like REALLY appreciate. Take it in. Let it fill your entire body for that moment. If you’re new to this, start with one person/day to get used to it. Or that really freaks you out, you can start by admiring a plant or a tree or a dog (hey, it’s all energy!) Be VERY specific. See, once you start sending out the “appreciate” vibe, the other person or thing 🙂 feels it and you will start to get that mirrored back to you. Mirrored back appreciation. Does it get any better than that?
An example from the bank in California years ago (I can’t believe I’m sharing this!)
He was not that handsome. (I know, I’m direct.) He was a bit overweight and his shirt was kind of coming out of the side of his pants because it was too small. But I had picked him as my “pleasure” example to test the theory.
“So, what brings you here today, Diana?” He smiles really big.
“So, it seems that I have some charges on my account and I think they are overdrafts. Could you take a look and see if there’s anything you could do about that?”
“Uh, of course! Hang on just a minute while I pull up your account.”
Okay so now I consciously started to focus on one attribute which was his broad shoulders. They were very strong and I just kind of took them in. Mind you, I wasn’t staring at them. I just took a long glance and then kept appreciating them in my minds’ eye (I know, it sounds a bit strange but it’s what it takes!). Very strong. Solid. I felt my body tingle a bit. And I was smiling. At my purse.
And then I look up.
And he’s seriously grinning from ear to ear. His cheeks flush red and his fingers start stumbling on the keys.
“Uh, I’ll be right back.”
(Hmmm I wonder if he thinks I’m crazy? I thought)
A few minutes later, he returns and says, “I just spoke to my manager and he never reverses overdrafts, but he reversed all of yours. (He smiles goofily even bigger!) Is there anything else I can help you with? Would you like some coffee? Water for the road?”
(Oh my Goddess, it worked!)
“No, thanks! I’m walking. But thank you SO much for all your help!”
And I left, grinning from ear to ear. And I took a candy. It was my pleasure prize.
The bottom line:
Pleasuring yourself and appreciating pleasure in others=increased happiness and unexpected returns. CLICK HERE TO TWEET THAT!
Your Turn: Leave a Comment + SHARE!
1. What’s YOUR pleasure activity? Name one that we can all share with each other to get ideas:
2. What’s one place that you will try this exercise this week? A park? At the grocery store? Report back your findings!
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Have you found yourself in less-than-ideal relationships?
Do you wonder if you’re doing something wrong and why you keep attracting less than what you want?
My client, *Andrew (name changed for privacy) shared some male perspective on this and his wisdom inspired me to write today’s blog post. Note: I have paraphrased and expanded on our conversation so that it is actionable and focused for you to read.
Diana: So Andrew, what piece of advice would you give to guys and gals out there who want to have an amazing relationship?
Andrew: Ladies and dudes, you have to decide whether you want to be a Jaguar or a pick-up truck in a relationship. And guys, you have to know what kind of lady you are dealing with up front and be prepared accordingly. And it has nothing to do with what vehicle you actually prefer driving okay? I want to be clear about that. It’s a metaphor.
Diana: Um, okay, that’s very interesting. Can you elaborate a bit more on that please? What makes someone a Jaguar or a pick-up truck?
A: A Jaguar…
Okay, well, my girlfriend is super high maintenance and I mean that in the best way possible. She’s gorgeous of course, but she is high maintenance because she knows what she wants. And she has all these requirements about what she expects from me. And she calls me out on my shit when I mess up. It’s really annoying but I respect her for it.
And yes, she’s moody as hell sometimes but I put up with it because she always knows when she’s acting ridiculous and she’ll apologize and thank me for being patient and listening to her. And she’s incredibly generous. Sometimes she goes over the top with stuff like surprising me with little presents or crazy unexpected stuff. She listens to me and let’s me read comics even though she thinks it’s juvenile. But she requires a lot of attention. She’s a Jaguar.
Diana: Okay, so if I summarize, a “Jaguar” is someone who:
has requirements and standards and communicates that to others
calls people out when they’re crossing a standard or they aren’t being respected or treated well
incredibly generous and is attractive inside and out
requires a lot of attention but it’s well worth it!
A: Exactly! Okay, so then there’s the pick-up truck.
Diana: Yes, I can’t wait to hear this.
The Pick-Up Truck:
A: Okay, so if you or the person you tend to date is a pick-up truck, they are fairly low-maintenance. They don’t really ask for a whole lot and they have dents and bruises, maybe even lots of nicks on the bumper, but they’d rather just chug along than invest any money to get it fixed. They stay in the same beat-up, dangerous vehicle even though the light is on and there’s fumes coming out of the exhaust! Or worse, they try to do it all themselves and then what happens? One day they are on the side of the road in the middle of a rainstorm or something and the person they’re supposedly dating sees them… and keeps driving right past them!
In relationships, these are the people who just become doormats; they just will give the guy or girl whatever they want without any thought to themselves or if it’s going to help them too. These people hate to be a burden but they always screw themselves and then wonder why no one wants to be with them for too long. I’ve been this guy and I’ve seen those kind of girl. It sucks!
Diana: Wow. That is pretty brutal but so true!
Andrew: I’m not really good at sugarcoating.
Diana: And that’s why you’re awesome. You just tell it to us straight. So, okay, let’s offer people some insight they can take-away from all this.
3 TIPS for YOU!
So, based on what Andrew shared, here are THREE tips I came up with for those of you who may find yourself more on pick-up side than the Jaguar side.
If what you really want is someone who is going to stick around long term, you’re going to need to be comfortable with saying NO to all the losers out there that you KNOW are not worthy of being in the same room with you. Just say no. And if you feel awful or guilty, let those feelings be there and say no anyway. You’ll feel relief and it gets easier!
The sex is never that good that it’s worth sacrificing what you really want-someone who truly loves you and is fine with all of you, even the parts you are embarrassed about.
Act like a Jaguar, even if you don’t believe you’re one. Fake it for awhile. It works!
What do YOU think about the whole Jaguar vs. pick-up thing? Any advice you have for either “car?” Post your comments! Would love to hear from you!
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Here are some interesting links for you! Enjoy your stay :)