Are you a Jaguar or a Pick-Up? Get the male perspective on love right here
- Have you found yourself in less-than-ideal relationships?
- Do you wonder if you’re doing something wrong and why you keep attracting less than what you want?
My client, *Andrew (name changed for privacy) shared some male perspective on this and his wisdom inspired me to write today’s blog post. Note: I have paraphrased and expanded on our conversation so that it is actionable and focused for you to read.
Diana: So Andrew, what piece of advice would you give to guys and gals out there who want to have an amazing relationship?
Andrew: Ladies and dudes, you have to decide whether you want to be a Jaguar or a pick-up truck in a relationship. And guys, you have to know what kind of lady you are dealing with up front and be prepared accordingly. And it has nothing to do with what vehicle you actually prefer driving okay? I want to be clear about that. It’s a metaphor.
Diana: Um, okay, that’s very interesting. Can you elaborate a bit more on that please? What makes someone a Jaguar or a pick-up truck?
A: A Jaguar…
Okay, well, my girlfriend is super high maintenance and I mean that in the best way possible. She’s gorgeous of course, but she is high maintenance because she knows what she wants. And she has all these requirements about what she expects from me. And she calls me out on my shit when I mess up. It’s really annoying but I respect her for it.
And yes, she’s moody as hell sometimes but I put up with it because she always knows when she’s acting ridiculous and she’ll apologize and thank me for being patient and listening to her. And she’s incredibly generous. Sometimes she goes over the top with stuff like surprising me with little presents or crazy unexpected stuff. She listens to me and let’s me read comics even though she thinks it’s juvenile. But she requires a lot of attention. She’s a Jaguar.
Diana: Okay, so if I summarize, a “Jaguar” is someone who:
has requirements and standards and communicates that to others
calls people out when they’re crossing a standard or they aren’t being respected or treated well
incredibly generous and is attractive inside and out
requires a lot of attention but it’s well worth it!
A: Exactly! Okay, so then there’s the pick-up truck.
Diana: Yes, I can’t wait to hear this.
The Pick-Up Truck:
A: Okay, so if you or the person you tend to date is a pick-up truck, they are fairly low-maintenance. They don’t really ask for a whole lot and they have dents and bruises, maybe even lots of nicks on the bumper, but they’d rather just chug along than invest any money to get it fixed. They stay in the same beat-up, dangerous vehicle even though the light is on and there’s fumes coming out of the exhaust! Or worse, they try to do it all themselves and then what happens? One day they are on the side of the road in the middle of a rainstorm or something and the person they’re supposedly dating sees them… and keeps driving right past them!
In relationships, these are the people who just become doormats; they just will give the guy or girl whatever they want without any thought to themselves or if it’s going to help them too. These people hate to be a burden but they always screw themselves and then wonder why no one wants to be with them for too long. I’ve been this guy and I’ve seen those kind of girl. It sucks!
Diana: Wow. That is pretty brutal but so true!
Andrew: I’m not really good at sugarcoating.
Diana: And that’s why you’re awesome. You just tell it to us straight. So, okay, let’s offer people some insight they can take-away from all this.
3 TIPS for YOU!
So, based on what Andrew shared, here are THREE tips I came up with for those of you who may find yourself more on pick-up side than the Jaguar side.
If what you really want is someone who is going to stick around long term, you’re going to need to be comfortable with saying NO to all the losers out there that you KNOW are not worthy of being in the same room with you. Just say no. And if you feel awful or guilty, let those feelings be there and say no anyway. You’ll feel relief and it gets easier!
The sex is never that good that it’s worth sacrificing what you really want-someone who truly loves you and is fine with all of you, even the parts you are embarrassed about.
Act like a Jaguar, even if you don’t believe you’re one. Fake it for awhile. It works!
What do YOU think about the whole Jaguar vs. pick-up thing? Any advice you have for either “car?” Post your comments! Would love to hear from you!
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Yes, enjoyed reading!
I was once a Pick Up with certain people and am now morphing into a Jag. Recent, short story which gave me evidence of that.
The boy next door (literally) helped me get back into my place when I was locked out by the wind! I was incredibly thankful and thought about how I could repay him, so asked if he liked chocolate. He responded with a question, ‘Do you drink?’ I wasn’t in the least bit interested in going on a date with him so I said, ‘Not at the moment,’ which was true as I’d been quite sick. He then asked, ‘Do you go out?’…’No’, I promptly replied which wasn’t completely true because if he’d been someone I was half interested in, I would have said, ‘I would be happy to’.
Anyway, I repeatedly thanked him and shut the door. He came back a few minutes later with his a piece of paper in his hand and his phone number on it. Before he had a chance to say anything, I said, ‘Oh no thank you.’ He insisted, ‘Just in case you need anything else in the future.’ To which I responded again, ‘No, thank you. Thank you so much for your help, I really appreciate it.’
And that was that.
I wondered if I had been too harsh. In the past I may have said yes out of pity and not wanting to hurt him, especially after his help. I even played with the idea of knocking on his door and suggesting a drink afterall!
Thankfully I didn’t.
The lady am living with later told me that he’s a Football player and a bit of a party-boy, not the Boyfriend/Husband material that I am looking for. My intuition was steering me away for good reason.
I realised that just because someone shows interest in me, doesn’t mean I have to say yes. I have done this so many times in the past out of not wanting to hurt people’s feelings and ended up hurting myself and them more in the long run.
It felt good to stand my ground and just say no, out of respect for myself and in the end, him too.
Funny, when I was little, I wanted to own a racing green Jaguar.
Thank you for sharing this perfect example Caitlin of really catching yourself consciously choosing to stop a pattern you know isn’t getting you what you want: a marriage-material fabulous man!
And great point about looking at where you used to allow yourself to go along with an invitation just because of not wanting to hurt the other person. Bravo Goddess!
A bit of advice for those that relate to being a Pick Up…know your worth honey! You deserve to be a Jag.
Amen! If you get to choose, why not choose to be a Jag? 🙂