letting go of a relationship you know isn’t good for you

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Q: “Diana, after leaving a karmic relationship, what helped you to find peace with your decision, trust your gut/intuition, and accept letting go of someone you feel so drawn and connected to? (How do you ease the pain of loss of someone you feel connected to, yet may not be a good match?) Thank you!”

Whenever we end a relationship, no matter what the circumstances, it is a loss and there is a grieving period that is like a death.

It can be painful, confusing and especially if this is a relationship you identified as karmic (see blog post about this), your spiritual connection to this person can make it even more difficult to move on.

Was it the right thing to do?

How do you know?

And why is it so freakin hard to let it go?

While there is no easy fix for feeling this loss, there are a few things you can do to help manage the pain and regain your peace of mind. Here are 3 of the things that have helped me and my clients regain their footing after a karmic connection ended.

#1 Play Bad Cop

When it’s someone we share a deep connection with, it’s easy to just idealize the relationship and focus on all the gifts and wonderful moments they brought you. But part of moving on and accepting is seeing the good and the not so good. Also known as “take the blinders off sister!!” 

You may need to call in a friend for this who knows you and can help you do this action.

Action step: Make a list of ALL the things about this person that hurt you, annoyed you or caused you to betray yourself (again, this list will vary but don’t hold back. This isn’t about bashing them. It’s about getting clear and seeing both sides.)

Example: “I gave up going to dance classes because he wanted me to stay with him every evening.” OR “He never returned my calls or wanted to meet me near where I live. It was all on his terms and I felt so tired and drained.”

Then commit to reminding yourself of this and follow your inner guidance which may tell you to cut off communication completely, compartmentalize what you talk about in their presence or something else. Stay open but use your WILL to remind yourself of why you made your choice. 

# 2 Surrender it to the Angels/The Divine

Let’s face it. When you’re in love, you’re not in control. And when emotions are really confusing, it can be hard to see through the haze or to help you stay grounded in your own energy when it ends. Call in the Divine Forces!

My personal favorite: Write this out and say it aloud, “Divine One, Angels of Romance, thank you for giving me the strength to do what is truly for my Highest and Greatest Good in this relationship.I surrender the attachments and doubts to you. I give them to you completely.” Then you can drop it in a sacred box (I love an empty tissue box!with a prayer on the outside!) burn it or do something else to symbolize your full and complete surrender to doing this alone. 

#3 Enlist the support of a healer 

When all else fails, it could be that that person is still stuck in your energy field and simply does not want to let you go or vice versa. An experienced healer who is familiar with karmic attachments and release can help you go to the root cause of the connection and help you feel both feel free energetically which could speed up your emotional healing so you can move on with our life! 

You don’t have to do it all alone. 

With a focused intention to move on + an openness to flow with the emotions that come up and take inspired action as guided, you’ll be on your way to feeling free from the entanglements, doubts and hooks from this relationship.

Q: Have YOU ever struggled with letting go of someone who you knew wasn’t good for you? What helped you to move on? Share with us in the comments below!

ps: Would you like support to help you let go of a karmic relationship? This is one of my areas where I absolutely love helping people feel free and more like yourself again. Click here to set up a consultation to learn more about how we can work together!

feeling over-whelmed? do this. (most people won’t but you’re not most people!)

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The Magic 4: 4 questions to beat overwhelm this holiday season

With the holidays quickly approaching, everyone and their mother seems to be overwhelmed, overscheduled and over-drawn energetically. 

It’s a classic scenario: We want to give to the people we love but we don’t have any energy to give to people we love…because we got so caught up in the game of beating our To-Do list.

And that To-Do list is usually based around managing other people’s perceptions and desires that we forgot to put ourselves on the list!

I liken feeling overwhelmed to overdrawing on your checking account.

Example: Let’s say you just made it through a grueling day. You totally forgot to eat lunch but you got a ton done and to sweeten the deal, you got paid (wohoo!)!

And with the best of intentions, you open up your computer and feeling all responsible you, decide to put a large chunk of your check towards your credit card debt. You’re psyched because the number is now getting so close to $0 you want to have a party! 

But then less than 24 hours later, you get an email from your bank saying your account is overdrawn.  You start to get a headache. And your tummy is growling.

What? You forgot that your health insurance bill was due and was automatically deducted from your now negative account.

You feel crappy and annoyed because you were just trying to do the right thing and pay off your debt. But you weren’t paying attention to your balance and you’re now in the red.

So to make yourself feel better, you proceed to eat a pint of ice cream and feel defeated before plowing through the next item on your list. 

Sound familiar? 

Overwhelm usually happens when 1 of 4 crucial things are not being met. R.F.W.P

Introducing. (yes I am a former teacher. Acronyms are how I made it through colleg

R-Rest
F-Food
W-Water
P-Play

We need all of those things throughout the course of a day and if you’re overwhelmed at any given point this Holiday season, ask yourself:

  • Do I need rest right now?
  • Do I need food right now?
  • Do I need water right now?
  • Do I need some fun and play right now?

90% of the time, if you take care of that thing you’ve been ignoring, it actually creates a ripple effect for the way the rest of your day rolls out. 

In the example above, do you remember the one that was left off the list first?

If you said, FOOD you are correct!

It’s not about being perfect. 

But from the list above, knowing yourself oh intuitive Goddess, which one do you KNOW you need more of daily?

If it’s FOOD, pack a snack and keep it in your desk.

Maybe it’s PLAY.

Schedule play into your To-Do list first.

Maybe it’s WATER. 

Stop making excuses and invest in a nice bottle to take to the office.

Maybe it’s REST.

Decide on an end time no matter what to stop working or do some deep breathing for 7 breaths in between tasks if you are strapped for time. 

As you pay attention to your Magic 4 ( RFWP) , your brain will be happy, your body will be thankful and your intuition will help you cut your To-Do list in HALF and rock it out with way more efficiency and less time.

Now it’s over to YOU!

Q: Which of the 4 will YOU work on this week? Rest? Food? Water? Play? Post a comment and share with us!

Want more? Click here to get a FREE gift: Top 5 Signs to Distinguish Between a Message from Spirit and Wishful Thinking 

3 Steps to Turn Someone Down (without being the bad guy)

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I hear it from women all the time.

“I HATE saying no. I hate turning someone down. I’d rather not respond at all even though I hate it when people do that to me! What should I do?!”

Saying no can bring up a lot of internal fear, the main ones I’ve heard being:

  • I’m afraid they aren’t going to like me anymore
  • I’m afraid they’ll think I’m a bitch
  • I’m afraid that they won’t want to help me out in the future if I say no right now

And in relationships, it can show up as a rabbit hole trajectory that looks like:

I’m afraid they won’t love me anymore. OMG I’m not loveable. I suck. I am going to be alone forever. AHHHH (self-loathing ensues)

I’m afraid they’ll leave and find someone else, someone ‘better’. OMG I’m not loveable. I suck. I am going to be alone forever. AHHHH (self-loathing ensues)

I’m afraid that they’ll get pissed off and tell everyone else that I’m selfish/weird/mean. OMG I’m not loveable. I suck. I am going to be alone forever. AHHHH (self-loathing ensues)

But the truth is that if you want to have a relationship with others that is healthy, energizing and dare I say it, TURNED ON for both parties, saying YES and NO when it honors you is an act of self-love. TWEET THAT!

Otherwise you end up playing defense in your relationships, giving your power away to a crappy thought or a future fear that isn’t even true!

It’s not even about turning SOMEONE down (although that’s how our emotional brains register it, so that’s why I titled this post like that!)

It’s about turning IT down (a request, an opportunity, an invitation, a date etc). NOT a person.

It doesn’t have to be personal. Feel the difference

3 Key Steps To Effectively Turning Down A Request:

NOTE: Before you do this, I am assuming that you’re clear that you definitely WANT to say no but you feel bad about it or blocked around giving an answer. If you’re not sure what you want, get clear on that first!

Step 1: Do Your Prep-Work (This is for you, not to tell them.)

Before you even give an answer, write down any negative or weird feelings, fears and truths that get stirred up for you around saying no to this situation/request/etc. This will make sure that before you say anything, you are coming from a place of strength and groundedness within yourself. You’ll be less likely to get on the defensive if they push back because you’re anchored in what’s true for you. And that’s truly an act of self love.

Fill in the blanks as appropriate and go until you feel complete.

I feel ____________ in my body around this.

I’m afraid that if I say no to this, _______________________

I already know that…..

Example: “I feel a weird knot in my stomach and I’m worried that they are going to hate me because we are friends and I already know that I’m just really overwhelmed by my own shit right now and don’t have any space in my head or in my calendar to help them with this right now.” So clear, right? The truth really does set you free!

Step 2: Add Value Before Opening Your Mouth

You’re clear on what your Truth is and now if you want to set yourself apart from 90% of the population and be a rock-star communicator, see if you can provide an alternative solution or resource to what they are asking from you. This is something you can prepare for before you get on the phone or see them. **Only do this if you truly can offer a resource or if it’s appropriate. Only you know!

Example: If you’re asked to baby-sit your friend’s kid and you don’t want to do it, offer up a website of reputable sitters or offer to help her write the ad for one.

Step 3: Be Ridiculously Transparent!

Okay, now you’ve done your prep work, you may even have an alternative solution or resource that can help them without you having to do it. Now it’s time to actually have the conversation, write the email and do the uncomfortable…TURN IT DOWN/say NO.

The last step is to START your conversation with an opening of total transparency about how uncomfortable it is to do this AND how much you value them/something about them (it must be true!)

Example: “Robert, I was totally flattered that you asked me to help you with X ______ . That really means a lot to me and I value our friendship that you would think of me for this. I know you value transparency too, so I want to say how uncomfortable I feel having to turn this down.
It catches the person off guard and is super refreshing and clear. It also makes it more likely for them to actually hear what you’re saying after that and not take it personally.

NOTE: For an exact 4-step script of how to have an uncomfortable conversation, read this blog post.

Then you add in the resource if you have one and you’re done!

Wash, Rinse, Repeat!

With a little patience and a lot of practice, you’ll be on your way to feeling powerful AND generous saying no…. even when you’re scared or want to hide and avoid responding. You’ve got this Goddess!

Q: What has helped YOU find the confidence to say no even when you were afraid? Share your insights with us in the comments below!

ps: Are you ready to blow 2015 out of the water? Sign up here for free updates to help you live free and feel confident about yourself and your relationships!

get them to notice you…3 tips that actually work (from an unexpected source!)

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Okay, I have some questions for you. If the answers are yes to any of these, raise your hand.

How would you like that special someone to notice you?

Wish you could command the attention of a room without feeling desperate?

Wouldn’t it be fun to stop pushing and actually get more of what you want with less effort?

Umm, yes please! 

It’s actually a lot easier than you think and today’s post is inspired by an unexpected guest blogger: a kitten named Princess Tula. (I’m so serious).

In observing her story, you’ll learn 3 powerful ways of being to command more attention than you know what to do with. In love. And in life. 

As you read the story, I invite you to see how Tula’s behaviors could mirror how you show up in the world. (or where you’re invited to try something new).

Ready? Let’s go!

—-

Background: Tula is my aunt’s boyfriend’s new kitten and last night I got to witness the grand introduction of the kitten to his guard dog, a very protective (and fiercely loyal) Foxy. It was going to be interesting. 

Scene: Kitchen

Starring Players: 8-week old kitten Princess Tula, dog Ms. Foxy, me, my aunt and her bf.

We are instructed to pick Tula up and hold her like a baby preparing for Foxy’s grand introduction. 

After about 15 minutes of trying to chase Tula, my aunt gives up and says, “I can’t catch her. She keeps running away from me.” (We drink a glass of wine and figure we’re off the hook).

Enter her big, burly German boyfriend. 

He picks up the frightened, escape-prone kitten in less than 1 minute using subtle mirroring and patience and the Princess is happy to be in his arms. (We stop drinking wine and are now curious what his secret is). 

Stop chasing. A little subtlety goes a long way.

Enter Foxy

From the moment Foxy burst on the scene and realized there was another animal in the room, she went C-R-A-Z-Y. Barking, pulling at her leash, and even getting water dumped on her head didn’t stop her from showing her displeasure in having a ‘sister.’  It was NOT okay.

Tula’s response? Lazy amused stare. Decides it would be fun to explore the top of the couch and proceeds to sprawl out and close her eyes. What’s the big deal?

Be selective of what (or who) you spend energy on. Less is more. 

Foxy: Gets more annoyed and manages to tangle herself around the computer chair. More barking. Maybe this will work! I’m so afraid that she’s going to take my place! That is NOT happening! 

She then manages to knock down two candles on the coffee table in her state, a few feet from the Princess.She eventually gets taken outside. No treat. 

Never make a move from a fear of losing something. You just get tangled up and it takes longer!

Tula’s response? Purr. My aunt pets her. Finally, finally a massage. And that dog is gone. That’s better. 

It was truly fascinating to watch. 

And in just a 20-minute experience, Tula gave us all a powerful lesson in loving yourself first and getting what you want, without force or struggle. 

Kudos, little Goddess.

Bonus Love Nugget from a Man:

And to close out the story, my aunt’s boyfriend said, “You know, it’s not that hard. But it took me awhile to finally get it. Women are like cats. If you chase them, or try and force them to do anything, you get nowhere fast. You have to be subtle about it. It’s like a dance. You have to use finesse, not force. You should really put this in your book you know.” (walks away). Well said, sir!

Q: Which of the 3 tips hit home with you? How does it apply to your life? Share with us in the comments!

Just to recap, they are:

  • Stop chasing. A little subtlety goes a long way.
  • Be selective of what (or who) you spend energy on. Less is more. 
  • Never make a move from a fear of losing something. You just get tangled up and it takes longer!

Want more?

Click here to grab your FREE PDF: “5 Signs To Distinguish Between a Message from Spirit and Wishful Thinking”

3 tips to avoid family drama over the holidays

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  • Do you ever feel like you don’t “measure up” in your family
  • Do you secretly wish you could hide in a cave and just skip over the endless holiday drama?
  • Are you tired of feeling like you’re not good enough?

You’re not alone!

The holidays can be a really rough time when it comes to relationships.

But the good news is, it’s also a great time to do some MASSIVE clearing and step up your spiritual

game.

In this video you will learn:

  • my top 3 tips to dealing with difficult family members
  • how to save your sanity when that person makes that snarky remark about your weight, your job or your relationships (or lack of!)
  • how to quickly spot and diffuse drama before it goes out of control and so much more!

Watch it below and be sure to answer this week’s Soul Question after!

Q: What is one way YOU deal with family drama that has helped you over the holidays?

It could be a self-care tip, an affirmation, or simply an activity that helps you stay centered during this crazy time! Share with us in the comments!

 

ps: Ready to shed and let go of your past family drama for GOOD?

Book a complimentary 15-minute consult so I can learn more about your specific desires and goals and share ways that you can reach them!