should you date a guy with kids?

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“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”– Lucille Ball

Q: I’m dating a guy with young kids and he says he loves me and I love him, but I always feel like everything we do has to be on his schedule. I’m starting to feel like I’m not getting my needs met. Should I stay with him and just accept that I’m never going to come first or should I just let it go now before I commit any further? Help!

This is a GREAT question and we’re going to hit it from several angles.

The suggestions offered can be applied to ANY area of your life where you feel like you’re getting the short end of the stick and you aren’t sure what the heck to do.

It all comes down to a few simple, but powerful things.

After you watch the video, be sure to answer the Soul Challenge Question for this week below!

Soul Challenge:

Here are some questions to consider: Share with us in the comments!

  1. Have you ever dated a guy with kids? What was your biggest takeaway from that experience? Any advice?
  2. What is ONE choice that you would be willing to make today that would be an act of self love?
  3. Share + take action on #2!

ps: Can I send you a free gift to help you make better decisions in love and life? Click here!

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Prefer to read? Here you go!

Title: Should you date a guy with kids?

Q: I’m dating a guy with young kids and he says he loves me and I love him, but I always feel like everything we do has to be on his schedule. I’m starting to feel like I’m not getting my needs met. Should I stay with him and just accept that I’m never going to come first or should I just let it go now before I commit any further?

A: There are a few key things happening here to look at.

First, being comfortable with a guy who has young children who still live at home.

Second, feeling safe to communicate what your needs are and standing up for what’s important to you and finally, deciding whether this is a situation that is going to help you get closer to your heart’s desire or take you further away.

It all boils down to 3 things: self-love, self-worth and knowing your deal breakers.

In your heart of hearts, before moving any further, it’s super important to ask yourself, “Is dating a guy with young kids a deal breaker?”

For example:

If deep down, you really want children of your own someday (in whatever capacity that looks like) and you’ve talked with him about it and he’s made it clear the kids he has are IT for him, well, then staying with him could feel like an act of self-betrayal… unless you are 100% willing to assume the role of stepmother and would be fulfilled with that.

If you on the other hand, you feel pretty neutral about having children with this man or he’s open to having more but are having a hard time getting the 1:1 time and feeling of adoration you want from him, then the issue is really about feeling confident and worthy of being adored.  It all goes back to basics. Self. Love.

Whatever we “need” from another is something we have to first learn how to provide for ourselves.

Important: This never comes from a “see-i-don’t-need-a-man-i-can-do-it-myself” lone ranger kind of place. That feels heavy and that’s when people can feel bitter about love.

It’s about learning how to come to the table with the qualities we seek in another so we have something to offer the relationships! It’s about coming from a place of overflow vs lack or seeking something we fear we aren’t really worthy of giving to ourselves.

Only then can we truly embrace the love that someone else has to offer us. And that makes them want to give you MORE. And you have to DO less. It’s truly a win: win.

So, the answer to the question is “it depends” (not what you probably wanted to hear, but hey, the Universe isn’t black and white.)

It depends on how much you are loving yourself.

It depends how deeply you affirm your own worth, not just in love, but everywhere in your life.

It depends on how well you are communicating what really want to yourself first and then another.

It depends on how well you know your deal breakers.

It depends on your level of courage and your risk-taking threshold.

It depends on how much you love yourself (yes I put it twice on purpose!)

And finally, it depends on what feels true and authentic to help your Soul fulfill it’s truest desires.

Soul growth is never easy, but TRUE and AUTHENTIC will always get you closer to what you really want.

 

Soul Challenge:

Here are some questions to consider: Share with us in the comments!

  1. Have you ever dated a guy with kids? What was your biggest takeaway from that experience? Any advice?
  2. What is ONE choice that you would be willing to make today that would be an act of self love?
  3. Share + take action on #2!

ps: Can I send you a free gift to help you make better decisions in love and life? Click here!

3 tips to rock the ‘red-hot’-moon (and your love life)

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Tomorrow (October 8) we have a full moon which is the first big energy date to watch in this month’s heavy spiritual line-up!

It’s known as the “red moon” because if you look at it, it supposedly will have a reddish brown color to it, but from an energy standpoint, red is the color of the root chakra and it’s also the color of passion.

Stuff is coming up like:

where you live, who are you safe around, feeling secure with what you have, especially in relationships, where you aren’t living your passion and you’re pissed about it, or where you are living your passion but you’re spreading it around so fast you can’t keep up!

Yeah.

It sounds like a lot of negative stuff, but it’s actually the perfect time to re-align your most important relationships and clear away some old debris to make space for the real you!

I made a video for you (yay for new red lipstick!) where you will learn:

  • Clarity on what the heck this full moon is about and how it relates to your everyday life
  • The question to ask others before you fly off the handle or make an important move (especially helpful if you run into an ex during this cycle!)
  • The simple mantra that keeps you sane even when people around you are going cray-cray
  • 3 tips to rock this red moon + your relationships (especially with the one you have inside your head 😉

After you watch it, be sure to check out the Soul Challenge Question of the Week and share your answer with us in the comments!

This week: What is ONE thing you are making space for on this Full Moon? Leave a comment and share with us!

ps: Are you coming to Sedona? Just a few Spots Left! Check it out below.

 

 

 

Part 3: Passion Time!

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You’ve decluttered, put your bed in a favorable position and gotten two nightstands. Now it’s time for the fun part: adding elements to increase passion in the bedroom (or whatever your intention is!) There are two simple steps. Here we go!

Step 1: Locate the “Love” corner of your room.

When you walk in the door, it’s the back right area.

You can use color to infuse your entire space, but pay particular attention to what is in this area. I once had a client tell me that’s where she put her dirty laundry and it wasn’t a shock that her relationships were a mess!

Step 2: Infuse your space!

My favorite way to infuse a space is with COLOR!

Colors: Use the color guide below to infuse your space with the corresponding energy. Get creative and remember, you don’t have to go nuts and paint your entire room red for passion. Too much of a good thing is not what you’re going for and will actually repel what you want or overcharge the energy. Intentional additions are!

Consider these for: wall paper, wall paint, sheets, comforters, rugs, picture frames, etc

Red=activator, passion, hot sex. Note: Don’t use this color for your sheets if you intend on getting a good night’s rest because it can literally keep you up all night! (Hey, there is a reason that there was a room called the “Red Room” in Fifty Shades of Grey!)

Pink=soul mate love, inner child, playfulness, peace, bringing in the romance Angels

White=Harmony, peace, marriage

Skin tones=Browns, beige, cream are GREAT for sheet colors or comforters as it evokes the feeling of being enveloped in your loved one’s arms.

Avoid:

Too much purple=This is a spiritual vibration color and I once had a consultant tell me that too much of it actually repels lovers because it implies that your primary relationship is with Spirit and you really aren’t interested in a love relationship. (I personally LOVE purple so everything in moderation but if you have an altar with a ton of purple, etc keep it in another room besides the bedroom).

Too much black=Black represents the element of water and emotions. Too much of it and you can see symbolically that you could be calling in a lot of emotion, which can cloud your judgement in relationships or make it hard to move on. On the other hand, if you’re trying for a baby, a little black can make things flow! All in moderation!

Objects of Love and Things to Put Somewhere Else!

Finally, check that you have things in pairs, not just pictures of statues of single people around if you really desire a relationship. Two candles, two nightstands, you get the idea.

Also, move pictures of family out of the direct line of your bed. Symbolically it’s like all those people are watching you having sex or being intimate and well, yea…it’s your call!

What reminds you of love? If your intention is to be in a solid, stable relationship, you’ll want to make sure you have solid stable furniture. No rickety chair with broken arm for you!

Want to have a hot sex life? Create a special place for your naughty lingerie or toys (preferably in the love corner!)

Want to increase communication? Fix that broken phone already!

Everything is symbols and energy.

And if you follow these steps, you’ll be well on your way to a space that supports your intention for love and more!

Soul Q: What is ONE thing you will add to your space this week? Tell us in the comments! And if you are brave, upload a pic of your new space!

Ready for re-ignite your soul AND decompress? Book your spot at my retreat in “Ignite Your Soul in Sedona!” retreat, coming up soon this November! Space is limited!

Believe in Magic, Come to Sedona

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Thanks so much for watching my video. I really appreciate it. If it resonated with you and you are interested in coming to the Retreat this November, click here. Many blessings!

part 2: positioning your space for love

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Read Part 1 here

 

Now you’ve prepped your space. It’s free of dirt, you’ve sorted through what needs to go and what gets to stay and now you’re ready for the second step: Positioning your space for the relationship or energy you want to call in.

The most important position is the position of your bed. This is a Feng-Shui rule, but I want to say this about any of the suggestions I am about to share: listen to your body’s signals about what feels good. What feels “good” for lack of a better phrase is “your Feng-Shui.” Got it? Good.

As you enter your bedroom, you want to avoid the following bed positions:

  • “Corpse” Pose: With your bed right in line with the door, this position supposedly drains your energy of its natural vitality.
  • Especially if you are tired of being single, “bed pushed up against the side of a wall.” This position leaves no room for the “partner” to enter his/her side of the bed and there is no room for a second nightstand which is a no-no….unless you want “one-night-stands” or you really just want to be alone right now. 
  • Head right under a window. Not only does this position just plain feel weird, being so close to a window supposedly drains your energy in the same way that being in the corpse pose does. If you absolutely can’t find another position except this one, then I would suggest getting a very solid headboard that comes up high enough when you sit up in the bed to avoid the glass and some nice curtains that feel protective and nurturing.

Ideal positions have you:

– being able to see the door and

-also have your head near a wall for extra support.

-leave enough space on either side to enter and exit

See my 3 fabulous, hand-drawn masterpieces below!

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 Other important things to consider:

Night Stands and Space around the Bed:

  • Make sure there are TWO, ideally identical, but if you just moved into a new place, you can use that moving box as a nightstand…temporarily.
  • Having something stand in for what you want is a good idea, but just make sure that your intention is to actually get a solid one or the relationships you attract could mimic the nature of the box: temporary!
  • Having two that are different shapes are okay as long as your partner has room to put their stuff up too.
  • Make sure you are able to freely move around your bed (on each side). If there is a set of drawers in the way or a gorgeous statue or dressing chest, move it somewhere else! If you have to tiptoe around your own bed, remember everything is energy. Do you want to tip-toe around your relationship? My guess is no! So keep the space around clean, free-flowing and roomy and that’s what you will invite in too!

ps:

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Are you ready to create more space energetically for the things you want? Ready to get out of your head? Come to Sedona this winter! Spaces are limited! Click here