the best love and life advice I ever got (true story)

Have you ever been on a date or had a big decision or presentation at work to make and you literally can’t stop your brain from totally spinning out of control like a hamster on a wheel on steroids?

That was me.

I’d like to share a true story with you with the intent that it helps you love and trust yourself more. It’s a story about business but really it’s about loving yourself full out and falling in love with the real you. Would that be ok?

It was Circa 2012.

I remember sitting in my apartment, crying and stressed out because I didn’t know what to call myself.

I was on the phone with my astrologer and halfway through my rant about how I didn’t know if I was on the right track in my business, in my life, in my crazy dating life that inspired The Dating Mirror, he shut me up in his very classy, British way.

And told me some of the hands-down best advice I’ve ever received in my entire life.

Let me take you back

But before I spill the beans, to fully appreciate his advice, here’s a little background on where it came from:

I was at a place in my business where everything was expanding. Like faster than I could imagine and I was constantly putting pressure on myself to label myself for the masses.

For those of you who have been following me for awhile, you’ve seen me go through several incarnations and brand names.

I started out doing Angel readings on the streets of San Francisco (no joke!), became a Reiki Master Teacher and got a radio and TV gig doing readings for people live on air for four years. I was unofficially labeled The Next Doreen Virtue.

Then years ago at a mastermind, a mentor came up with the name, The CEO Psychic, for my business. It was true. A lot of my clients are CEO’s and big shots in their industries. I shared the same stage as Deepak Chopra and went on with that moniker and brand and my career shot way up.

And shortly after that, because a lot of my clients really wanted my help with their relationships, family and self-confidence (even though they would come to me initially for business intuition advice and cleverly sneak it in at the end!) Five Star Love Life came about. But throughout each brand evolution, I realized something huge.

The Trouble with Labels

All were fabulous monikers and names to be associated with. Clever. Clear. Sexy.

The trouble was, I found that each time I tried to label myself, I started to feel weird.

I went way more into my head than was helpful.

I started trying to fit myself into a neat little box that came with owning a particular “name” and it brought up a lot of pressure, anxiety and self doubt.

  • I felt scattered and my life really mirrored that.
  • I had success but I was all over the place, literally.

I think I moved four times between 2011-2013.

  • My weight was up and down.
  • I had really great men in my life who I (or they) for one reason or another just couldn’t commit to.

And I really had to work hard to find my center. Because something felt well, off, but I couldn’t quite pinpoint it. I needed help.

So I booked a session with my astrologer.

And here is what he said:

“Stop thinking so much. You’re so much better when you don’t think.”

He knew that going into my head first wasn’t my Zone of Genius. It was my Zone of Chaos. The breakthroughs came when I sank into the flow of the moment and then made decisions from my gut. And then and only then, assessed with the analytical mind. When I reversed the order, I just diluted my own power.

So often, especially in our relationships, we over think things.

We make lists when we should just enjoy be-ing.

And when we are too in our head, we tend to switch off our hearts and switch on the judgement.

And the criticism. And the pressure.

Especially self-inflicted pressure. And then we aren’t truly engaging with the other person anymore. Or our life. And we start to sabotage….and we wonder why our life isn’t shaping up the way we want

Change can bring you back to yourself

I knew something had to change and it could only come from within me. So I made a commitment to stop trying to label myself and instead focused on how I could serve the world with my message: to help people trust and love themselves in a soulful way. 

Once the pressure of having to “find and fit a label” was consciously lifted off, I found that every area of my life improved.

  • I lost weight and had more energy for the things I loved.
  • I became way better at managing my money and investing in things I value vs things I think I should have.
  • And I attracted my current partner who truly accepts and loves me for who I am.

But none of that could have happened as quickly as it did if I hadn’t

  1. Consciously taken a step back to look at where I was choosing to place my energy (into obsessively over thinking and measuring every choice against how it fit into a stupid box vs. just being in the moment.)
  2. Seeing the blessings each incarnation brought me (gratitude and grace) and
  3. Made the choice to be present without worrying so much about what other people (and I) thought of me

It all begins with a simple choice to do things differently.

So, now over to you.

Q: Where do you need to stop overthinking things in your life?

Q: Where could you benefit from relaxing into the here and now?

Q: What could be possible when you do this?

Share with me in the comments below!

Want to significantly increase your energy + release old crap? Sign up for the New Moon global heart healing this Sunday, Oct 30!  (it’s FREE and it WILL be powerful!!)



3 steps to being an irresistable love magnet (it works for Oprah!)

Do you know one of those people who always seem to just attract positive attention wherever they go?

You may say to yourself, “They are so lucky! What do they have that I don’t?”

I call these people love magnets.

You see love is most magnetic force and these people are vibrating at such a high manifesting frequency not because of some mystical Knighting by the Universe.

They have chosen specific ways of Be-ing that draws people and love, money, miracles, etc in.

Not surprisingly the three love magnet behaviors I’m about to share with you are also the key behaviors demonstrated of some of the world’s most successful and fulfilled people (including the Divine Ms. O!)

And the best part is, you can learn them and incorporate them into your everyday life right now.

Here are the top 3:

1.  Keep your commitments

One of the marks of a truly lasting relationship is trust and trust comes from consistency.

We feel safer and more likely to open up and get emotionally intimate with someone who does that they say they will…when they say they will. Too often in dating, one person really wants to see the other and will attempt to convince the other person to change their plans. This is innocent enough and hey, it feels great to be wanted and missed. But the woman who says, “Hey, I love that you want to spend more time with me. I miss you too. However I’m unavailable tonight because I have a prior commitment” is the woman he wants. The one he’ll bend his plans for. The one that stands out above all the rest.  Even if there is temporary disappointment at not getting instant gratification the woman who keeps her commitments is extremely attractive. Self respect is sexy. Keep your commitments, even if that commitment is to wash your hair and do your overflowing pile of laundry.

2.  Be present with what’s in front of you

We’ve all been there. You’re in the middle of writing a really important email and suddenly your cell phone chimes that you got a new Facebook notification. You can’t resist, so you vow to quickly check your phone and as soon as you grab your phone, a friend sends you a personal message with a question. Before you know it, you’ve completely lost your train of thought for the important email and end up staring at a blank screen, feeling frustrated and annoyed (but quickly try to type back a reply on Facebook). A restless, easily distracted mind is not attractive. It’s at the mercy of everything and everyone around it. And when it comes to relationships, the more you can zero in on the conversation you’re having or the one task that’s at hand, the calmer your mind is, the more likely you are to hear your intuition and the more likely you are to actually tune into the subtle messages it gives you. You get closer to what you want, instead of being constantly pulled away from the power of the moment. And the person you are with feels like they are the most important thing in your world. Because they are. Making another feel heard and important is sexy. Be present.

3.  Know your deal breakers…and honor them.

There is a story I read somewhere about a Japanese business who made all his major business partnership decisions based on how well his lunch digested. If the meal went down smooth, he was in. If it didn’t go down well, the deal didn’t go down either.

Now, in relationships, it may not work as black and white as that, but in my book, The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, there is a whole chapter on the importance of identifying your dealbreakers, the non-negotiable things that your Soul really needs to be able to relax and show up 100% in your relationships. These are things like knowing how you feel about having children, how important it is that the other person have the same spiritual beliefs as you, mindset on health and more. A love magnet is someone who has already done the legwork on identifying these and she makes decisions based on whether something aligns or misaligns to that list. And she’s comfortable saying no a lot because she knows that when she honors her dealbreakers, she makes choices that honor her most elevated, magnetic self. And when she honors herself, everybody around her benefits and gets the best of what she has to offer. Boundaries are sexy. Clarity is key. Know your deal breakers.

This week’s soul question: Which of the three love magnet behaviors will you commit to practice this week? Why did you choose that particular one? Tell me in the comments below!

Want to learn more about living full out like a Goddess and feeling confident, magnetic and irresistible? The first step is finding out what could be blocking you from your full love magnet potential!10371443_10152110639312361_7115493803932630590_n.jpg

Click here and schedule a complimentary 15-min “Love Breakthrough” consult where I can with your permission I will look at your energy field and see if there are any of the four core love blocks that could be holding you back. You’ll also have an opportunity to learn more about how we can work together to clear them so you can live like the Goddess I know you are!

a mudra (body symbol) to help you ward off negative vibes + still let people in

I learned this simple mudra from a healer in Sedona and you can use it

    • In a public place where you feel energetically overloaded
    • In the middle of someone venting at you
    • Whenever you need to pull your energy back to yourself and tune out the energies around you.

Why it works: For the curious 🙂

      • Each interlaced index finger/thumb represents the masculine and feminine energies within you coming together.  The “infinite Source.” Basically, you are in a space of balance within yourself and nothing can come inside that loop. This is to help your upper chakras feel balanced and in tune (Chakras 4, 5, 6, 7)
      • The crossing of your ankles mimics the same pattern as your fingers and helps your lower chakras feel balanced and in tune (Chakras 3, 2 and 1).

Try it out and see how it works for you!

Q: What is one place you know you will try this out? Share with us in the comments below!

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Q+A can you assert yourself and still be ‘feminine?’

Q: I feel like I’m finally learning how to speak up for myself, especially around men, but I’m afraid I’m going to put them off or come off as a cold, heartless bitch. Can you be assertive and still be ‘feminine?’

In this video you will learn:

  • The real reason you’re not asserting yourself in relationships and how to change that ASAP (it’s easier than you think!)
  • 3 exact steps to stop feeling afraid to assert yourself (especially if you are sensitive to energy)
  • The 3-part magic formula to have an assertive conversation that works! (I use this all the time!)
  • Which ArchAngel you can call in to help you manage your mind during an uncomfortable conversation

Q: Now it’s your turn! Have you ever had to assert yourself and felt uncomfortable? What helped you overcome that fear, especially in relationships? Share your story in the comments below!

Want more? Sign up for FREE weekly updates and get a free gift to help you love and trust yourself!

Prefer to read? Here’s the Video Transcript:

I love this question so so much because there are several layers to it.

The short answer is yes…but there’s a lot there.

Step 1: Make sure your definition of assertive is empowering (or you won’t want to be it!)

First off, it’s really important to look at the words you are using to describe being assertive. If they don’t match what you want, the good news is that you can change it up! It’s your definition after all.

If your definition of being assertive=being a cold, heartless bitch, then I can see why you wouldn’t want to go there!

Step 2: Consider what ‘feminine’ means:

You care about making sure you’re not hurting other people’s feelings or stepping on any toes, which is admirable and means you have a good heart. (yay!)

Having said that, putting how other people feel or how you assume they will react before asserting yourself aka “expressing your Truth” could be the core thing getting in your way.

You may confuse being ‘feminine’ with accommodating other people’s needs and wants before your own.

Step 3: Prepare to assert yourself

But feminine energy in its simplest most healthy form is about

  • Creating a clear vision
  • Trusting
  • Receiving
  • Connecting

The masculine energy in its simplest most healthy form is about

  • Executing the vision of the feminine
  • Directing
  • Taking decisive action
  • Communicating assertively with all parties’ best interest in mind

So, when you truly assert yourself with a man (or anyone) in a healthy way and tell them how you feel about something, you are actually using both your masculine and feminine sides.

Most people try to go in one energy direction alone when asserting and that’s where they run into problems, especially if you are on the energetically sensitive side.

Too much feminine and you become a doormat, not sure of your vision and looking to others to give it to you.

Too much masculine and you become a dictator, telling people what you want but not integrating it with what’s best for the desired outcome.

Let’s break it down.

  • Before you talk to anyone or assert yourself, you must know what you want to say and what you want the outcome of that conversation to be. It may be to just feel heard, to renegotiate boundaries or previous commitments, etc. But it should be clear before your open your mouth. If you aren’t sure, wait. Or be at the mercy of the other person’s opinions. (Clear vision=feminine preparation)
  • Before you start talking, set an intent that your words come from your Highest Truth (I call on ArchAngel Gabrielle, the Communication Angel to help me say the words I need to say, especially if it’s an uncomfortable conversation!). The other person will respond in a way that they choose to, but at least you can have peace of mind that you did your part. (All parties best interest in mind=masculine preparation)
  • Speak your truth and do the 3-magic parts and use words like…”I feel” (feminine) and “What I’d love to see is….(masculine). And end with a question to open the dialogue up (What do you think about that?) (connection and clarity). Then listen….

The more you can integrate your masculine and feminine energies into all your conversations, the easier it will be to assert yourself and feel great about it!

Practice, practice, practice!

Now it’s your turn: Have you ever had to assert yourself and felt uncomfortable? What helped you overcome that fear, especially in relationships? Share your story in the comments below!

Want more? Sign up for FREE weekly updates and get a free gift to help you love and trust yourself!