The biggest roadblock to love is….<drumroll>…. linear thinking.
Erroneously believing that just because something didn’t work for you in the past, it means that it will never work for you.
Or conversely, because something you tried did work, believing that it’s always going to work if you do it that same exact way.
I hear things from my girlfriends and clients’ mouths like:
“I just don’t do blind dates! I went on one in college and it was the most boring experience of my life.”
“I am done putting myself out there. If this (current relationship) isn’t The One, I’m just done…I guess I’m supposed to be single forever.”
And my personal favorite…
“I just hate online dating…it’s so superficial and I’m just not into it.”
Usually when I probe a little deeper, there’s a story there-sometime a man hurt them…or they got close and it just didn’t quite pan out the way they thought it would….or they tried online dating, got crickets for responses and got fed up…
But here’s the thing.
When you declare to the Uni-verse that you just “don’t do XYZ”, you’ve already cut off a possibility.
It’s a weird form of trying to control your environment and the outcome.
Usually because the fear of being rejected, used, abused, left, etc is driving your decision-making.
I felt the same way about dating online.
I felt like it was so incredibly superficial.
And maybe there’s some truth to that putting your best pictures up and neat paragraph description of who you are on display, but I still put myself out there as a symbol of my intent.
I was going to go all in and if “he” didn’t show up, I chose to stop assuming that it was the medium (being online or being on a blind date) but instead chose to see it as an experiment where Divine timing, my level of commitment to what I said I wanted…and synchronicity were also important factors.
In short, it’s about going all in, following the signs as you receive them…and lovingly nudging your fear and doubt voices to calm down. Your worthiness and value is not dependent on the outcome of the experiment.
The experiment is simply that….an experience where you can see what shows up and most importantly the energy in which you are choosing to show up for yourself.
And looking purely at the results, two of my most profound, Soul-shaping relationships came from meeting them online.
My aunt, who had just gotten divorced and had never done the online thing let me help her with her profile, despite hemming and hawing about not being technology-saavy or into the whole thing.
She’s been happily hooked up with the same loving partner for almost 4 years now that she met.
But if she hadn’t considered that what she was fighting against could actually be an avenue to support her in meeting her match, she may have been spending her nights at home with the TV hoping he would just appear.
You just never know.
This week’s Soul question (deep!) Where could you be setting up a roadblock for yourself? Helpful hint: If you aren’t sure, look at places where you have felt resistant or emotional or extra opinionated around. Would you be willing to try that “thing” again with an experimental energy vs a reactionary one? What could be possible for you?
Ps: Are you signed up for my FREE training, 3 Online Dating Secrets to Stop Wasting Your Time…and Get The Guy?
*check out the new course, The Dating Mirror Course: 7 Weeks to Trust Again, Love Again that starts Monday!
