the best love and life advice I ever got (true story)

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Have you ever been on a date or had a big decision or presentation at work to make and you literally can’t stop your brain from totally spinning out of control like a hamster on a wheel on steroids?

That was me.

I’d like to share a true story with you with the intent that it helps you love and trust yourself more. It’s a story about business but really it’s about loving yourself full out and falling in love with the real you. Would that be ok?

It was Circa 2012.

I remember sitting in my apartment, crying and stressed out because I didn’t know what to call myself.

I was on the phone with my astrologer and halfway through my rant about how I didn’t know if I was on the right track in my business, in my life, in my crazy dating life that inspired The Dating Mirror, he shut me up in his very classy, British way.

And told me some of the hands-down best advice I’ve ever received in my entire life.

Let me take you back

But before I spill the beans, to fully appreciate his advice, here’s a little background on where it came from:

I was at a place in my business where everything was expanding. Like faster than I could imagine and I was constantly putting pressure on myself to label myself for the masses.

For those of you who have been following me for awhile, you’ve seen me go through several incarnations and brand names.

I started out doing Angel readings on the streets of San Francisco (no joke!), became a Reiki Master Teacher and got a radio and TV gig doing readings for people live on air for four years. I was unofficially labeled The Next Doreen Virtue.

Then years ago at a mastermind, a mentor came up with the name, The CEO Psychic, for my business. It was true. A lot of my clients are CEO’s and big shots in their industries. I shared the same stage as Deepak Chopra and went on with that moniker and brand and my career shot way up.

And shortly after that, because a lot of my clients really wanted my help with their relationships, family and self-confidence (even though they would come to me initially for business intuition advice and cleverly sneak it in at the end!) Five Star Love Life came about. But throughout each brand evolution, I realized something huge.

The Trouble with Labels

All were fabulous monikers and names to be associated with. Clever. Clear. Sexy.

The trouble was, I found that each time I tried to label myself, I started to feel weird.

I went way more into my head than was helpful.

I started trying to fit myself into a neat little box that came with owning a particular “name” and it brought up a lot of pressure, anxiety and self doubt.

  • I felt scattered and my life really mirrored that.
  • I had success but I was all over the place, literally.

I think I moved four times between 2011-2013.

  • My weight was up and down.
  • I had really great men in my life who I (or they) for one reason or another just couldn’t commit to.

And I really had to work hard to find my center. Because something felt well, off, but I couldn’t quite pinpoint it. I needed help.

So I booked a session with my astrologer.

And here is what he said:

“Stop thinking so much. You’re so much better when you don’t think.”

He knew that going into my head first wasn’t my Zone of Genius. It was my Zone of Chaos. The breakthroughs came when I sank into the flow of the moment and then made decisions from my gut. And then and only then, assessed with the analytical mind. When I reversed the order, I just diluted my own power.

So often, especially in our relationships, we over think things.

We make lists when we should just enjoy be-ing.

And when we are too in our head, we tend to switch off our hearts and switch on the judgement.

And the criticism. And the pressure.

Especially self-inflicted pressure. And then we aren’t truly engaging with the other person anymore. Or our life. And we start to sabotage….and we wonder why our life isn’t shaping up the way we want

Change can bring you back to yourself

I knew something had to change and it could only come from within me. So I made a commitment to stop trying to label myself and instead focused on how I could serve the world with my message: to help people trust and love themselves in a soulful way. 

Once the pressure of having to “find and fit a label” was consciously lifted off, I found that every area of my life improved.

  • I lost weight and had more energy for the things I loved.
  • I became way better at managing my money and investing in things I value vs things I think I should have.
  • And I attracted my current partner who truly accepts and loves me for who I am.

But none of that could have happened as quickly as it did if I hadn’t

  1. Consciously taken a step back to look at where I was choosing to place my energy (into obsessively over thinking and measuring every choice against how it fit into a stupid box vs. just being in the moment.)
  2. Seeing the blessings each incarnation brought me (gratitude and grace) and
  3. Made the choice to be present without worrying so much about what other people (and I) thought of me

It all begins with a simple choice to do things differently.

So, now over to you.

Q: Where do you need to stop overthinking things in your life?

Q: Where could you benefit from relaxing into the here and now?

Q: What could be possible when you do this?

Share with me in the comments below!

Want to significantly increase your energy + release old crap? Sign up for the New Moon global heart healing this Sunday, Oct 30!  (it’s FREE and it WILL be powerful!!)

heal-your-heart-space

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a mudra (body symbol) to help you ward off negative vibes + still let people in

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I learned this simple mudra from a healer in Sedona and you can use it

    • In a public place where you feel energetically overloaded
    • In the middle of someone venting at you
    • Whenever you need to pull your energy back to yourself and tune out the energies around you.

Why it works: For the curious 🙂

      • Each interlaced index finger/thumb represents the masculine and feminine energies within you coming together.  The “infinite Source.” Basically, you are in a space of balance within yourself and nothing can come inside that loop. This is to help your upper chakras feel balanced and in tune (Chakras 4, 5, 6, 7)
      • The crossing of your ankles mimics the same pattern as your fingers and helps your lower chakras feel balanced and in tune (Chakras 3, 2 and 1).

Try it out and see how it works for you!

Q: What is one place you know you will try this out? Share with us in the comments below!

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Q+A can you assert yourself and still be ‘feminine?’

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Q: I feel like I’m finally learning how to speak up for myself, especially around men, but I’m afraid I’m going to put them off or come off as a cold, heartless bitch. Can you be assertive and still be ‘feminine?’

In this video you will learn:

  • The real reason you’re not asserting yourself in relationships and how to change that ASAP (it’s easier than you think!)
  • 3 exact steps to stop feeling afraid to assert yourself (especially if you are sensitive to energy)
  • The 3-part magic formula to have an assertive conversation that works! (I use this all the time!)
  • Which ArchAngel you can call in to help you manage your mind during an uncomfortable conversation

Q: Now it’s your turn! Have you ever had to assert yourself and felt uncomfortable? What helped you overcome that fear, especially in relationships? Share your story in the comments below!

Want more? Sign up for FREE weekly updates and get a free gift to help you love and trust yourself!

—

Prefer to read? Here’s the Video Transcript:

I love this question so so much because there are several layers to it.

The short answer is yes…but there’s a lot there.

Step 1: Make sure your definition of assertive is empowering (or you won’t want to be it!)

First off, it’s really important to look at the words you are using to describe being assertive. If they don’t match what you want, the good news is that you can change it up! It’s your definition after all.

If your definition of being assertive=being a cold, heartless bitch, then I can see why you wouldn’t want to go there!

Step 2: Consider what ‘feminine’ means:

You care about making sure you’re not hurting other people’s feelings or stepping on any toes, which is admirable and means you have a good heart. (yay!)

Having said that, putting how other people feel or how you assume they will react before asserting yourself aka “expressing your Truth” could be the core thing getting in your way.

You may confuse being ‘feminine’ with accommodating other people’s needs and wants before your own.

Step 3: Prepare to assert yourself

But feminine energy in its simplest most healthy form is about

  • Creating a clear vision
  • Trusting
  • Receiving
  • Connecting

The masculine energy in its simplest most healthy form is about

  • Executing the vision of the feminine
  • Directing
  • Taking decisive action
  • Communicating assertively with all parties’ best interest in mind

So, when you truly assert yourself with a man (or anyone) in a healthy way and tell them how you feel about something, you are actually using both your masculine and feminine sides.

Most people try to go in one energy direction alone when asserting and that’s where they run into problems, especially if you are on the energetically sensitive side.

Too much feminine and you become a doormat, not sure of your vision and looking to others to give it to you.

Too much masculine and you become a dictator, telling people what you want but not integrating it with what’s best for the desired outcome.

Let’s break it down.

  • Before you talk to anyone or assert yourself, you must know what you want to say and what you want the outcome of that conversation to be. It may be to just feel heard, to renegotiate boundaries or previous commitments, etc. But it should be clear before your open your mouth. If you aren’t sure, wait. Or be at the mercy of the other person’s opinions. (Clear vision=feminine preparation)
  • Before you start talking, set an intent that your words come from your Highest Truth (I call on ArchAngel Gabrielle, the Communication Angel to help me say the words I need to say, especially if it’s an uncomfortable conversation!). The other person will respond in a way that they choose to, but at least you can have peace of mind that you did your part. (All parties best interest in mind=masculine preparation)
  • Speak your truth and do the 3-magic parts and use words like…”I feel” (feminine) and “What I’d love to see is….(masculine). And end with a question to open the dialogue up (What do you think about that?) (connection and clarity). Then listen….

The more you can integrate your masculine and feminine energies into all your conversations, the easier it will be to assert yourself and feel great about it!

Practice, practice, practice!

Now it’s your turn: Have you ever had to assert yourself and felt uncomfortable? What helped you overcome that fear, especially in relationships? Share your story in the comments below!

Want more? Sign up for FREE weekly updates and get a free gift to help you love and trust yourself!

video: taking a leap of faith

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This new cycle is about-CHANGE.

360 Shifts.

Movement.

And as we go into the homestretch of September, there is so much wonderful forward momentum happening….if you allow yourself to feel it, see it, hear it, experience it.

Another way the Universe may try to get your attention is through songs and animals.

But for this particular cycle and last week of the month, there is one totem that keeps coming up to share with you as well as a channeled message about taking a leap of faith.

I made a short video for you!

  • Get your Soul message (Universal card pull) of the themes of this week so you can maximize your energy
  • Find out the totem animal for this new cycle and what it means for you
  • Find out when this week’s New Moon is and….
  • Check out my new Portland balcony (I totally threw this one in to be silly!)

Watch it here

Q: What is one thing you want to birth for the New Moon? Share with me in the comments below!

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3 tips to keep it all together when you’re falling apart

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  1. In what could be an incredibly stressful moment or time in her life, she keeps going no matter what. (It’s so easy to quit)
  2. When people throw stingers at her that she is a “geriatric mother” she stays poised and in control of her emotions….and brings the hammer down with grace when she needs to.
    (How many of us have used the excuse…”I’m too old/inexperienced/green, etc to have XYZ?” It’s so easy to judge ourselves or take the comments others say to heart when we are stressed. Know who you are and let stuff roll off your back.)
  3. You won’t have all the answers. You won’t always have control. But when things don’t go your way, assume that the Universe has saved you a whole lotta trouble and is bringing something even more perfect for you.

This week’s Soul question: Which one of the 3 “Bridget” tips above will be your spiritual mantra this week?

Have a fantastic week and if you are single and want to be in a relationship….

Diana Dorell

Diana Dorell

IMG_3029*check out the new course, The Dating Mirror Course: 7 Weeks to Trust Again, Love Again that starts Monday!

My co-author Maryellen Smith and I are so excited to have you!

 Click here.