It’s no secret that when you aren’t creating what you want in your life, particularly in relationships, it’s very likely that self-sabotage may be part of the puzzle.

We’ve all done it.

example: You say you are going to go off carbs for ten days, only to find yourself driving your ass to In and Out Burger after the fifth day and getting the fries, bread and the whole sha-bang.

example: You are a coach and you’ve created your first program. You’ve written authentic, juicy copy that makes you smile everyday you read it, you know it will change lives and you put it on your website ……and tell no one about it.  And wonder why no one has signed up.

example: You are very clear that you want to be in a long-term, committed, sexy relationship…but you are still having sex with your ex because no one else has showed up and you’ve come up a hundred reasons why you shouldn’t message back any guys on OkCupid.

No shame sister.

All three of the examples above are mine from various points in my Goddess life.

But if you’re done with the self-sabotage game, like really really done with it, and you are ready to manifest what you keep saying you want, there are 2 questions you must ask and answer honestly if you’re ever going to change the pattern.

Ready?

Hold your breath and count to ten.

Just kidding.

Here it is.

The Two Questions

Q1: What are the payoffs/perks/benefits you get from continuing to believe X story, X situation or thinking X thought?

Q2: What are you afraid will happen if you actually GET/HAVE/MANIFEST X desire?

When I first did this exercise years ago, I thought it was crazy.

How could there be any benefits to staying where I was? And the second question?

I was a kick-ass independent, courageous Goddess. I wasn’t afraid of change…or was I?

But when I let my logical mind stay open, and I relaxed my body, I asked again.

Nothing happened. I got super annoyed.

And then I asked again. My shoulders dropped. Progress.

And then again.

And finally, I started to get stuff to write down.

What came out, again just to give you an example using #3 was the following:

The Breakthrough

By continuing to engage with my ex, the pay-offs included: physical pleasure, attention and familiarity. It was comfortable.

When I asked myself what I was afraid would happen if I actually did stop seeing him and put myself out there again….and manifested a loving, long-term partnership with someone new, here’s what came up. Some of them were completely irrational but most of the time, fears are!

-I was afraid of them thinking I was strange for doing psychic/intuitive work, fearing they would try and make me get a regular job.

-I was afraid it wouldn’t work out and then I’d feel like a loser, having another failed relationship

-I was afraid my business would suffer if I gave it my all in love.

And on and on it went. I think I wrote a full page of fears.

No wonder I was subconsciously invested in staying single and comfortable with a casual relationship with an ex!

Who wants to experience all of that?

But once I saw them for what they were-subconscious fears and stories that I was choosing to subscribe to, I felt free.

Perfect? Heck no.

Completely unafraid and unstoppable?

No.

The most important piece.

But I had something more important than all of that.

A new awareness.

And with awareness, you start to change everything.

One day at a time.

With practice and a combo of spiritual and practical tools in your arsenal, you can make adjustments when you feel the fears creep up….before they start to run the show.

And you can actually hear the voice of your intuition instead of a fear-based subconscious voice that tries to trick you into believing a story that isn’t even real!

This is exactly what I teach in my upcoming virtual group program, Intuition Boot Camp (formerly called Intuition 101): 5 weeks to master the art of decision-making to boost your confidence, come back into balance and free your monkey mind! We start March 1….click here to get on the priority notification list so you’ll be the first to know when registration doors open! (super soon!!) 

Now over to you.

This week’s Soul question: Do you have a pattern you’re ready to change? Ask yourself either or both of the questions above and if you’re feeling brave, leave a comment on this blog so we can support you!

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