are you in a toxic friendship? 5 signs to know for sure

When a romantic relationship ends, it can be heart-breaking, but when you are questioning a friendship that has been in your life for much longer, it can bring up a lot inside because well, there is a lot at stake.

Some friendships simply fizzle over the course of time, but then there are other ones that may teeter on the edge of unhealthy but for whatever reason, you’re afraid to cut them loose.

Am I just being too needy?

Am I expecting too much?

Am I just freaking out about nothing?

These are some of the questions that can run through your head and it can be really hard to sift through those thoughts and determine whether you’ve just hit a bump in the road or it’s a friendship turned toxic.

Here are 5 signs to know for sure. Read each of them and pay attention to your body’s first response. If you have a particular reaction, take note!

5 signs you’re in a toxic friendship

  • You feel worse about yourself or physically drained or “off” within the first 5 minutes of them leaving your space or you leaving theirs.
  • You hide parts of yourself because you know you will be judged.
  • You have shared something intimate with them that you asked to be kept in confidence and they betrayed that trust
  • You only hear from them when there’s something catastrophic or dramatic going on in their lives (with you in the starring role as unpaid therapist).
  • You only hang out with them because you are worried that if you break up with them, they will feel so terrible (putting their needs above your own)

What next?

Once you’ve assessed your friendship, the next step is to consider how you want to address it.

If you’ve determined you have a toxic friendship, one option is to distance yourself from that person. Another is to have a conversation with them and set some boundaries or in some cases, have the “friend breakup” talk.

Need help with knowing what to say? Check out one of my most popular posts: 4 Steps to Having an Uncomfortable Conversation

The bottom line is this: We teach the people in our lives how to treat us. The more you can spot red flags early on, the more space you create in your life for awesome friends who treat you right!

Your turn: Have you ever been in a toxic friendship? What did you do to come out of it or what is one thing you learned about yourself through that? Share with us in the comments (down below and to the right!)

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New Moon Reading Special (until February 1)

What does this New Moon mean for YOU?
New Moons are a time of birthing new conditions, re-setting your foundations for lasting success in 2017 and re-aligning spiritually.
When you mix your unique energies with the energies of the planet, it is easier to call in what your Soul wants with grace and ease.
And the Angels can help you find peace in your heart around the issues that arise during this powerful time. So you can let go of what’s held you back, see the lesson and begin to heal. I know how easy it is to feel alone or scared during this time, like things aren’t going to get better or how easy it is to get stuck in worry, wondering what’s coming up or why stuff is happening!
One of my greatest pleasures and Purposes is to help amazing Lightworkers like YOU to tune into the natural cycles of your journey, help you pin-point the possible roadblocks and to help you use the energies that are coming up to help you move forward courageously!
And so until 6pm Pacific February 1, I’m offering a special email reading/healing combo to support you during the New Moon shifts!
Click here to book yours! I’m excited to connect with you.

5 steps to stop feeling like a ‘fraud’ a.s.a.p

So, today’s post comes from a comment a woman shared with me and I have a feeling that you may vibe with it (or know someone who would).

She is a very successful Feng-Shui consultant and she is dedicated to helping her clients bring order and peace back into their homes and relationships. But despite all her success (she practically has a waiting list because she’s so awesome at what she does!), there was a nagging feeling she couldn’t shake.

Q: “Diana, how do I deal with this feeling of guilt for helping my clients harmonize their space and relationships when I don’t have my own shit together in either area?”

(Translation: How do I stop feeling like a fraud?)


This is a big and very common feeling that I hear running rampant, especially with super freakin talented (and successful!) folks and it’s time to address this.

Here’s 5 steps you can take if you have ever felt this way:


Step 1: Recognize the Pattern

In my experience, this “fraud voice” usually comes up when you are about to make a big change, leap or transition that you know is right.

(it’s actually been a long time coming) but there’s fear because there are no guarantees that it’s all actually going to work out.) You just feel it. (And the thought of not doing it feels like you’d be selling out on yourself/out of integrity.)

Ex: Raising your rates, Having the “Talk” with your significant other or finally starting your own spiritually-based business.

Is this you?

Step 2. CALMLY acknowledge the voice

If so, after taking a few deep breaths, state aloud: “I recognize that I am currently experiencing fear around __________(insert your BIG leap here). I see you. I feel you. And I acknowledge that you are here to protect me. Thank you for sharing.”All that voice really is is the Ego and it stems from the belief that you are somehow separate from another or the world. You aren’t. That’s an illusion. But for the love of Goddess, acknowledge the voice or it’s just going to be like a 4-year old and get louder and more annoying until you give it attention

Step 3: Go back to your WHY (Vision) + What was the reason you got into your business in the first place? What drew you to want to be close to that person? Write it down. Dance it out. Sing about it. Heck, I even had one client record her own voice for what her why was and she plays it every morning on her fancy iphone!

When we re-visit our why (or vision), our bigger intention, all of a sudden, the subconscious remembers, “Oh yea, it’s not about Me (Ego). It’s about being in service and using my gifts to the fullest extent of my potential.” (or your own version of that!)

Step 4: Ask the tough question

Once you’ve done all the leg work in the steps above, your nervous system has most likely calmed down so you can ask the tougher question: where could you be sabotaging your own success? In my client’s case, as she did a bit of digging, what came out was that every time she cleaned up her apartment and started doing Feng-Shui, her mother’s voice came into her head and said, “It’s not good enough.” (translation…you are not good enough).

So, the inner rebel in her just refused to go there, and the result? A super disorganized home. Once she was able to identify where her own sabotage came from and through our work together, was able to clear it, she could approach it from a different space, literally. And she now enjoys decorating and keeping her home beautiful. Baby steps!


Step 5: Love yourself

This is the toughest one of all. It sounds like a blanket statement but it’s not. Put your hand on your heart and say, “Even though I feel weird/angry/embarrassed/like a fraud right now/etc, I still deeply and completely love and accept myself.”

It may feel fake at first but really, if you are committed to making changes, you’re going to have to do things differently. Stay open and keep shining beautiful one! You’ve got this!



Take Action Time:

I want to hear from you:

  1. What helps YOU tame that “fraud” voice? Post a comment on here!
  2. Try out the 3 steps if you’re serious about shifting your energy for the REST OF THE WEEK and post your findings of this experiment by posting a comment here!
  3. Need help? Consider this first.

Sometimes (more often than not), the “voice” is not actually ours. It could be the voice of our well-intentioned parents, old lovers, even lineage or past life patterns that are running the show and squashing your capacity to move beyond certain income levels, loving partnerships or optimum health that you know you deserve. The good news? You have the power to release it. Completely. Like. For. Good.

Part of my why is to help you feel powerful in all your relationships, to help you get out of your own way and back into the fabulous, happy Goddess self I know you have inside but may have forgotten.

It takes courage. It takes effort. And if it’s a pattern that’s been ingrained in your subconscious for a long time, you need help. (otherwise you would have already seen the kind of results you wanted, right?) Now is the time. And if you’re feeling the call from within, I’m here for you, but you must take action.

Let’s talk, Goddess.

Click here to get on my calendar and have a no-pressure 20-min consult to see how I can help you.

how to surrender…true story inside

Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you tried to know what was next, the Universe continually threw you curve balls so that all you could do was kind of throw up your hands and give up trying to mastermind the whole thing?

That is the exact space I have found myself in the last few days.

Portland is in a declared “state of emergency” with unexpected freezing rain, iced roads and snow…which wouldn’t matter if we were equipped with a plethora of snow ploughs like those of you on the east coast. But here, this kind of weather happens once every ten years. So…everyone’s freaking out a bit.

It’s brought up all sorts of unexpected mayhem and cabin fever. And everyone’s core personalities and fears and idiosyncrasies. Being a people person and a homebody, I’ve quite enjoyed it.

  • The woman cursing at her dog to just “go potty already!” so she can get out of the cold (I’ve been that woman a few times!)
  • The kids who take the top off garbage cans and slide down the icy snow, totally unfocused on potential danger-school’s out, who cares?!!!
  • The die-hard-I-don’t-care-what-the-weather-is, hoodie, short-wearing Portlandians who go jogging alongside the cars with chains on the front wheels.

And it got me thinking, life is really like that.

You may find yourself in a space right now in your life where you are invited to just SLOW down.

To surrender to the void of the present.

To be challenged to see the gift in not knowing it all.

To keep on truckin and to find metaphorical garbage can tops to slide down those pesky hills and bumps with.

To commit to FUN and joy no matter what presents itself.

That is control-controlling how we let the weather (external or internally) dictate how you think and talk about yourself and your life.

Because it can change day to day, moment to moment.

So, the choice is yours: will you sink into the void of surrender or flail about trying to manage the entire Universe?

I’d love to hear from you! Comment below and share your thoughts 🙂

ever been afraid of giving the Universe the ‘wrong’ signal? I’ve got you covered!

Have you ever been confused by the Law of Attraction and felt worried that you would give the Universe the “wrong” signal?

A woman wrote in and asked me, “Diana, I know I am not meant to stay in this job much longer, but I don’t want to put things out that indicate that I’m staying. My energy is so heavy and I feel so uninspired and tired. What should I do?”

This is a GREAT question!

In this video you will learn:

  • The real thing the Universe responds to
  • The easiest way to get into the flow of drawing an opportunity to you
  • The simple solution to send a clear signal that you are ready for the “next thing”

Q: Have you ever struggled with giving the Universe mixed signals about what you wanted? What is one thing that helped you move through that? Share with us the comments below!

Want more?

I’d love to send a free gift to help you trust and love yourself!
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your 2017 spiritual message is here! open up

2017 is a powerful year of transformation!

Ready to make it your best ever?

In this video, you will learn:

  • What 2017 represents on an energetic level for you
  • How the 2017 vibration will affect:

your relationships, your body health, your finances, your career/business and your spirituality! ( we will look at each specific area and what to expect!)

  • Red flags to watch out for that can block your progress
  • The 2017 Animal Totem and how you can use their energy to assist you in your goals
  • The spiritual secret to ushering in miracles and opening doors for yourself and more!


Q: What is one challenge that you are ready to overcome in 2017? Share with us in the comments below!

For more, click here to get free weekly updates!