It’s Time to Take Back Your Personal Power!

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Happy Tuesday! When it comes to your closest relationships, do you feel like there’s a healthy give and take? 

Are you always the one giving in for the sake of peace or do you feel safe to express yourself and voice your preferences? 

When it comes to romantic relationships, especially in the beginning, a lot of my clients have shared that they feel this unspoken need to prove themselves and “be enough” for that other person. 

You may feel pressure to do a lot of the activities that other person wants to do that you would never want to do on your own.

Or keep your mouth shut when something really bothers you.

All in the name of ‘keeping the peace’ and ensuring that the connection continues…

This can sometimes come from past relationships  where the power dynamics and boundaries/expectations were unbalanced (or in some cases, never solidified).

In healthy dynamics, compromise is natural. 

But when compromising comes at a cost to your personal energy, self-esteem and confidence. It can become toxic. 

It’s time to take back your personal power! 

In line with March’s theme of “personal power”, I’d love to share a mantra to help you feel more balanced in your relationships, especially if you have already identified that you have a tendency to hold back how you really feel and want to change that! 

Here it is: “The only person I have to be enough for is myself. It is safe for me to express who I am and how I feel. How others respond to that is out of my control.” 

When you remind yourself that it is safe to express who you are, you also give that other person unspoken permission to express who they are too, without all the pressure and filter of needing to be perfect. 

You create space to have more connected, meaningful communication with the people you love, because you aren’t trying to prove yourself. 

You already know you’re enough and that even if you have a different opinion than them, both of your opinions are valid. 

That engenders self-respect which leads to others respecting you and who wouldn’t want to be around someone like that? 

How to use it: 

In quiet moments where you feel fears rising up in your chest, close your eyes, take a deep, cleansing breath and say the mantra above. Say it three times with deep feeling. Notice how you feel. 

Will you play with this over the week and let me know how it goes? Drop a comment below!   

PS: Have you picked up your copy of the best selling book, The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again? If not, check it out here: https://dianadorell.com/shop/

Diana wearing a salmon shirt, taken 2022

Don’t Give Up – Go For 80, Yo!

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Happy Tuesday!

Today’s Q+A: “What advice do you have for those times when dating feels like a full-time job? I feel like I’m losing steam and getting so discouraged but I don’t want to give up on love. Help!”

I love this question…and before we dive in, I have a question: Have you heard of the 80/20 rule? 

It’s true in business. 

It’s true in real estate. 

And it’s also true in dating. 

It goes like this, using the business example:

80% of sales are made from 20% of the customers.

Those 20% are die-hard fans and they make up 80% of a store/product’s revenue.

That means that more than half of the people that enter a store on any given day will never, ever buy. 

Or buy sporadically when there’s a sale or something. 

But I digress. 

If we apply this to dating, it’s so easy to focus on the 80% of dates that suck, that leave you mystified with why there wasn’t a follow-up date or text or call. 

It’s easy to beat yourself up and want to throw in the towel, when really, if you reframe it-20% of those date will most likely be amazing. 

And…if we take it a step further, if you’re wanting to stay open to wonderful potential partners, what if you look for the 80% of what you love and admire in someone? No one, I repeat, no one is perfect and expecting 100% perfection will yield disappointment. 

Even if the date goes nowhere, putting your focus and lens on looking for what is interesting about someone, or what they are brining out in you is sending positive energy out towards them and yourself. 

And you’re more likely to notice when someone really is a great match for you. 

So…in a nutshell:

  1. When you feel low, remember the stats: Not every date will be a winner. In fact, 80% may suck. But 20% will be interesting and get you closer to who you’re meant to be with. 
  2. Stay open + focus on finding something interesting with every date you go on. You’ll have a lot more fun and who knows what magical opportunities could arise when you stay out of judgement and put away your long-ass requirements. 

Q: What do you think about this 80/20 rule? How has it showed up in your life? 

Leave a comment – I’d love to hear from you!

It’s an Island Ma’am (True Love Story)

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Aloha! 

Happy Tuesday, 

In the spirit of Valentines’ Day week, I want to chat about the E-word. 

Expectations…

On the one hand, expectations can help us clarify what we no longer wan to tolerate but taken to the extreme can create stress in relationships. 

I learned this the hard way on my honeymoon in Hawaii this past week! 

Listen below to hear my story! It’s my intent that by sharing this it empowers you to examine your relationship to expectation and deepen your connection to yourself and those you love. 

After you listen, I would love to hear from you-what resonated? Where could you benefit from more surrender?

Hit reply and leave a comment on the blog. I love hearing from you!

PS: Want to call in LOVE? Deepen the connection you already have? I’ll be hosting a LOVE Message Circle right after the New Moon on Feb 21! More details to come I the next few days to watch your inbox!

Diana wearing a salmon shirt, taken 2022

What Will You Choose?

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Happy Mantra Tuesday!

The other day, I was rushing back home to make it to an in-person appointment and got a call from the person I was supposed to be meeting. 

They told me they’d decided to go to a movie with their friends instead and that they couldn’t make our meeting (which was happening in about an hour).

I was seething. 

I had cut a trip to see my extended family short so I could make it back to town for this. 

It had been on the calendar for weeks. 

I felt so disrespected, annoyed and angry. 

I wanted to lash out from my Ego, but thankfully I said, “Next time if you choose to cancel our appointment, you need to let me know the day before.” 

We rescheduled and after we hung up, I took a deep breath and remembered that in every moment, even the ones the frost our cookies like this one, we always, always have a choice. 

People will be people. 

Not every situation will go your way.

But you can always choose. 

So…

This month’s mantra: I choose happiness and happiness chooses me. 

When happiness becomes something you choose as opposed to something someone gives you, you’re in your own power. 

The outside world can do its thang and you’re still alright within yourself. 

Try it and let me know how it works for you this month!

How to use it: 

In quiet moments where you feel fears rising up in your chest, close your eyes, take a deep, cleansing breath and say the mantra above. Say it three times with deep feeling. Notice how you feel. 

Will you play with this over the week and let me know how it goes? Hit reply or share a comment on the blog! 

ps: Have you picked up your copy of the best selling book, The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again? If not, check it out right here: https://dianadorell.com/shop/