Relationships – Page 28

Is he emotionally unavailable for a long term relationship? 3 red flags to watch out for!

March 5, 2014/2 Comments/in Relationships /by Diana Dorell

Claudia really liked this guy Tom. They had been dating a little under a month and met online. She was feeling pretty head over heels for him, but even though she was super attracted to to him, she was sticking to your own boundaries and hadn’t slept with him yet. He was sexy, mysterious and the typical strong, silent type. But he told her she was beautiful, they seemed to have a lot in common and he even offered to take down his online dating profile (Yes! she thought. We are finally getting somewhere!). And then days went by and she didn’t hear from him. Then days became weeks and she never heard from Tom again.

When we looked at the situation a little deeper, there were a few clear signs early in the dating stages that Tom, although being super attracted to Claudia, was emotionally unavailable for the long-term. She had felt these red flags, but because she really liked him, she decided to brush them off.

It’s easy for us to get emotionally involved with and open our hearts to someone who quite simply, cannot for whatever reason, reciprocate that back to us. It does not mean there is something wrong with you or even them. It’s just where they are at in their emotional capacity to give and receive love. But if you can spot these 3 red flags early on, you will save yourself a lot of time and unnecessary heartache and move on to someone who is available and can’t wait to date your fine self!

Red Flag #1 -He talks about his ex constantly (in a negative or positive way)

Now, it’s normal to have the “ex” talk at some point in your relationship, but it’s usually with the understanding of informing your current date that you are over them and ready for a new experience. If your date is constantly bringing up their ex in conversation, watch this because it could be that there is some unfinished business there and they may not be ready to fully move on. The last thing you want to be is the rebound.

Red Flag #2-When you ask him what he’s passionate about aka “What do you want to do when you grow up?” he has no answer or changes the subject quickly

Having a career/job/Life Purpose that they can be proud of is often a prerequisite to being able to completely give love to a woman in the way we want. If they are wavering on how they are contributing to society or feel lost in this area, most likely they will waver in their ability to commit fully to a partnership with you. Unless you want a casual connection, pay attention to what they say when you ask about this. Important: When you ask, make sure it’s coming from a place of genuine curiosity and wanting to know more about them about vs. sizing them up financially! Energy is super palpable!

Red Flag #3 He goes hot and cold a la Katy Perry style with plans (extremes of being super available to you and affectionate and then the next, cold, distant or doing the disappearing act)

You may have heard of the rubber band effect, where a man will pull back before he decides to get close again. That is very common but what distinguishes that from the red flag I mean here is that when it comes to setting a time to meet with you, an emotionally available man will let you know he’s running late. He will say something like, “I’m sorry but I need to work tonight later than I thought.” It may or may not be the rubber band thing happening, but he has the courtesy to let you know that plans have changed. The emotionally unavailable date rarely bothers to let you know. They are all about themselves and unless it’s convenient for them, you’re not getting a phone call.

By following your intuition from the get-go and noticing when these red flags pop up early, you’ll be right on track to attracting another date who can’t wait to get to know you and who is ready for an amazing relationship!

Your Turn: Have you ever dated someone who was emotionally unavailable? Which one of the red flags or clues did you notice looking back? What helped you to move on? Please share your comment with us!

ps: Are you tired of being single? Take my FREE class that’s coming up later this month!

“Top 5 Reasons You’re Still Single and What to do about it now!”

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Is it too late for you? My 3-step process to change your limiting mental tapes!

February 25, 2014/0 Comments/in Relationships /by Diana Dorell

Have you ever wondered, is it too late for me in love? Should I just forget about it?

I was speaking to a woman recently and she shared that fear with me when it came to love.

Q: “Diana, what if it’s just too late for me? I’m having a hard time believing it (true love) will ever happen for me. Maybe I should just get used to be on my own.”

A: It will never happen for you if you keep believing that it won’t. And if you believe it will happen for you, then it will. Maybe not in your time frame, but it will be even better than your logical mind can imagine. Simple logic! This feels like the voice of fear attempting to keep you exactly where you are-safe but unsatisfied in your Soul. The only way out is to change your mental tape that it can’t happen or that it’s too late. And by the way, if you believe it will take forever to change your mental tape, then it will too!

Three Steps To Change Your Mental Tape:

1. Start with your current reality (The Ego hates when you lie about this and try and go straight to the happy, fabulous part!)

So, you might as well give yourself a break and consider shifting the tape to something like, “Spirit, I’ve been having a hard time believing that it’s not too late for me to meet my soul mate.

2. Commit to a new thought and time (NOW!)

“But I am open and committed to transforming this belief with your help Spirit RIGHT NOW. I am open to believing that love is already on its way.” (Feel free to switch up the words so they feel like YOU!)

3. Do something different

The Ego/fear mind hates when you break routine, so do an honest assessment of what you always do when it comes to approaching love and actually all of your relationships. Do you always wait for your friends to call you? Then, pick up the phone! Do you always hold in how you feel? Get uncomfortable and actually tell someone how you are feeling! You get it? You have to change the action to truly change the tape.

With practice, you will be on your way to creating a new mental tape that knows that you are worthy and deserving of great love and whatever barriers you have put up are only illusions to who you really are, which is a Divine Being who can truly create whatever you want.

Your Turn: What is something you have done in your life that scared you? Have you ever struggled with thoughts of “Maybe it’s too late?” How did you get through it? Share your insights!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to pack. The Big Apple is waiting!

Did you enjoy this post? Can I send you a free audio “7 Spiritual Secrets to Un-Block Your Love Life?” Click here to subscribe for updates (it’s FREE) and get this gift!

ps: Want to break through your biggest blocks to love? Let’s talk about working together here! I am taking on new clients for late March/early April start date and would love to help you raise your confidence, become a better decision-maker and most of all, call in the love of your life!

Click here to learn more.

“Diana helps you become aware of the hidden things that are stopping you from having the love you want.”

After talking to Diana, I honestly feel more centered, conscious, and more in charge of my life, instead of feeling victim to my old stories. I feel like it’s a whole new chapter. Through my sessions with Diana, I was able to understand where my love blocks and hang-ups really are and I think being able to have conversations with my Spirit Guides about love is just so damn cool! I’m intuitive and also highly sensitive so having an outside source like her to guide and provide wisdom is invaluable. All her intuitions and visions were so spot on and her communication with my guides and past lives resonated so much! I feel like things make so much more sense to me now. I feel more ready than I ever have to have the relationship I’ve always imagined. Thank you Diana!

Sally Hope, Rockstar Coach and Founder of the Wildheart Revolution, www.SallyHope.com

Want to attract more dates? Improve your body confidence (7 must-have practices below!)

February 18, 2014/0 Comments/in Relationships /by Diana Dorell

7 Practices of Body Confident Women

By Guest, Alexis Logan

I used to think body confidence was overrated. When I was in elementary school, I was the biggest girl in school. I remember feeling I was too fat because I could not share clothes with my skinny girlfriends and the cute guys saw me as friend rather than girlfriend material.

So I committed myself to my academics because as long as I felt smart, I didn’t worry about feeling uncomfortable in my body. Unfortunately, I lived the majority of my life focusing on my accomplishments and what I could offer instead of learning to feel good in my body.

When I started my business, I ended up repelling clients instead of attracting them because my body language and energy screamed, “I don’t feel good about me.” I never really got it until a woman approached me at a networking event and asked if I believed in what I was saying. That’s when I realized my external accomplishments would never compensate for how I felt about my body. And if I did not feel good about myself, then clients would not feel good about hiring me.

So I decided to learn how to love myself and feel confident in my body. After working on myself for years and coaching women around the insecurities they have about their bodies, here’s a short list of common practices body confident women do on a regular basis to cultivate confidence and self-love.

1. Body Confident Women practice self-compassion.

They are not striving for perfection, but self-love and acceptance. Instead of judging themselves for not looking a certain way, they celebrate their uniqueness. And when they find themselves going down the rabbit hole of negativity, they focus on the progress they’ve made, no matter how small it feels.

2. Body Confident Women address their self-image issues head on.

They get to the center of how they are seeing, thinking, and feeling about themselves. Because they know the sooner they address it, the faster they can get back to enjoying their life experiences like sex, eating, and wearing hot outfits.

3. Body Confident Women honor their desires without judgment.

They want to skip the workout… they do it. They want to have sex.. they get ready. They want to eat chocolate, they go for it. They move in alignment with what they are feeling and don’t push themselves unless it feels right. Pushing creates comparison and judgment.

4. Body Confident Women trust their bodies.

They make friends with their bodies, learn what their bodies need and what works for them. They realize their bodies are knowledgable and when they listen, they will understand what their bodies need.

5. Body Confident Women eat with relish.

They nourish themselves with foods they love, make them feel good, and indulge when they want. They know food is a physical and emotional experience, when done right, leaves them satisfied instead of hungry for more. Food becomes an experiment for their taste buds instead of an obsession.

6. Body Confident Women treat other women with respect and love.

They honor the women around them as goddesses instead of the competition. They speak highly of other women and support other women because they know judging others means they are judging themselves.

7. Body Confident Women ask for support.

They are in-tune with their emotions and they know when they need help to move forward. They are not afraid to let others help them because they know they don’t have all the answers, but they have a willingness to learn.

Pick one practice to work on each week so you can boost your body confidence quickly, love who you see in the mirror, and become a rockstar in your business!

Alexis Logan helps ambitious women entrepreneurs get past hang-ups about their bodies so they can take center stage and unleash their star power. The founder of Whole Body Confidence, she’s helped some of the most successful thought leaders and coaches permanently increase their body confidence and become the hottest leaders in their industries, without having the same boring conversation about diet + exercise. Get her free guide, The 4 Hidden Ways Hang-Ups About Your Body Sabotage Success (And The Cure) here.

Is it a fantasy or the one that got away?

February 5, 2014/2 Comments/in Relationships /by Diana Dorell

Have you ever had a relationship in the back of your head that just won’t go away no matter what you do?

A good friend of mine shared this situation with me over breakfast. It has to do with wondering if you are falling in love with a fantasy. She wanted to get resolution with herself around unresolved, intense feelings she was having.

What she shared (yes she knows I’m sharing with you. She actually inspired today’s blog post since I was feeling blocked on what to write about!)

“There’s this guy from my past who I have always felt this intense connection with that I can’t explain. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced with anyone else and every time I see an email or text from him, I get this intense rush of heat, almost like I’m having hot flashes all up and down my body. It’s different than butterflies or just that physical attraction thing.

We had texted and talked on the phone when I was out of my divorce a few years ago and I started feeling like maybe he was my true love, with one small exception: he was still married. I was unhappy in my marriage and would often fantasize about this other guy. One day I told him, “I can’t do this anymore. Call me if you ever get a divorce.” And then I hung up. I thought I was over it. I thought I had let it go.

I’m now in a new relationship and out of the blue, I get a text from this guy that says, “I would like to connect. Oh, and I’m getting a divorce.” I don’t know what to do. Part of me says, “Even if you did have the same crazy rush you’ve always had when you see him name pop up, you want very different things out of life and it would never work. But I feel like it’s this constant in the back of my head. How do I get closure with this guy? What do I do with this intense physical feeling and emotional feeling like maybe he’s my true love? Should I do anything? Is it just a fantasy? It’s been going on for over 5 years in my head. Help!”

What I shared with her:

We’ll look at this from a few angles.

1. First, it feels karmic.

The physical sensation and the inexplicable connection you are describing sounds like a past life karmic connection, so that may help you understand why it seems to have this weird hold on you. You aren’t crazy for feeling that. That’s the first thing. Stop judging yourself for that feeling if you are at all. If you want to learn about karmic connections, check out this past video I made all about it: https://dianadorell.com/are-you-in-a-karmic-relationship-heres-3-signs-to-watch-for/

2. It feels like you’re holding onto a fantasy that served an unmet need.

You also mentioned that you started building this emotional relationship with him before you were completely healed from your divorce and there was something missing in that marriage that this interaction satisfied in you. It’s easy to build up an illusion of true love when you have the emotional connection without the day to day interactions or real-life challenges and nuances of a completely committed relationship. The other person becomes ‘perfect’ and an ideal that is based on fantasy and drama of what ‘could be’ rather than what IS.

3. Do the Opposite

One thing I always share with my clients is, “If you want a different result, you have to do something different.” So if you are super clear that connecting with him would help you get closure and move forward, then do the opposite of what you normally do. If you always texted with each other, then call him on the phone. If you have the impulse to see him in person but that causes anxiety, technology is fabulous. FaceTime or Skype him. Just be very clear that your intention is to get closure and ask any questions you have unresolved vs simply indulging in continuing the saga! You can do this!

Have you ever gone through something similar with feeling like you can’t get someone out of your head?

Here’s Your Soul Love Advice:

Go Deep With Yourself

My invitation is to get still and ask your intuition, “What need did my interactions with him/this person fulfill?” Get really totally real with yourself, even if it’s embarrassing. Journal about it. Talk it out with a friend. Let it be all over the place until you get to the core need.

Maybe it was feeling safe to be totally emotionally vulnerable without being judged. Maybe it was to feel special and adored. Name it. Claim it. And once you do that, you can see where you need to satisfy that need within yourself. It always comes back to us. No one can fulfill our needs for us. For example, if it satisifed the need to feel special and adored, what activity or action would help you experience feeling special? Maybe when you ask your intuition, you get the word, “Get up a half hour earlier for my morning run.” Listen. Then make note of it. As you take responsibility for meeting that unmet need yourself, you’ll take the pressure off of yourself and you’ll give less energetic weight to this fantasy guy for meeting that need for you. You are fabulous and you deserve to feel free!

This Week’s Question:

Have you ever had a friend who had a fantasy that was keeping a hold on them? Have you ever felt like it was hard to let someone go even though you know you should? What helped you move forward? Share your experience if you feel guided! You never know who may need to hear just what you have to say!

Want to Go Deeper?

In Kona calling in Pele, Goddess of Passion!

One of my healing specialities is helping you truly let go of an old karmic relationship or pattern at the cellular, subconscious-level so you can feel light, like a weight is off your heart and totally free to create a new relationship and new situations that light you up again! Click here to check out the different ways we can work together here: https://dianadorell.com/services/book-a-session/

Much Love and Peace to you!

Diana

How to deal with rejection

January 28, 2014/0 Comments/in Relationships /by Diana Dorell

“I chose and my world was shaken. So what? The choice may have been mistaken; the choosing was not.”-Stephen Sondheim

What do you do when you profess love for someone and they just don’t feel the same way you do?

Or you have what you think was a fantastic date-you connected with this person, you felt attracted to them and sensed they thought you were hot too. And then you get the uncomfortable text or email a day later saying, “I don’t think we’re a good fit. You’re a great person, but I’m just not feeling it and I don’t want to lead you on. Sorry.” Or even more brutal, they tell you to your face, at the end of the date! I know-it happened to me.

Hiking Dude: From Diana’s Dating files

If you’ve read my first e-book, you know I’m not a fan of hiking and have had my fair share of dating disasters. A few years ago, I went on this really great first date with a guy who was sexy, very intelligent and instantly drawn to me. He had gorgeous curly hair and a body I couldn’t stop fantasizing about. Turns out we had a lot in common and he even owned a chain of organic juice/smoothie stories in town and had a dog who also loved me (great sign!). After date two, he invites me to go hiking or for a brisk “walk.” I’m game because I really really liked him, so I went on the hike despite my reservations, panting the whole time but laughing and appreciating that he stopped and slowed down so we could talk. He kept asking me about what I did to work out and I mentioned dancing and occasional running. (He was quiet, which should have been my sign to ask more questions, but I didn’t).Everything seemed fine and I was looking forward to hanging out with him and his dog for lunch after the hike. Only after we got to his house, he said, “I just want to be honest Diana. This isn’t happening. There’s probably something wrong with me. Don’t want to lead you on. So, no lunch. How about a hug?”

Fighting all these instincts, I went in for the hug and then it got weirder. He pulled back and said, “So, this is what you do, right? Can you tell me if we’re a match or if I’m making the right decision to let you go now?”

Oh. My. Goddess. No, he did NOT just ask me that!

I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to kill him. Instead, I took a deep breath, smiled, looked deeply into his beautiful blue eyes and with all the courage I could muster, replied with, “Sure. For my professional rate of $150 an hour. But I don’t date clients, so I guess you’re shit out of luck. Take care!”

I drove off as fast as I could but once I got home, I cried like a little girl. Like an embarrassingly long time. Rejection, no matter what age we are or what the context, hurts like a bitch.

But it doesn’t have to completely shatter your world. It can actually be the best thing that happens to you. If you’ve been rejected outright before too, here’s the upside as I see it and what I share with my clients now:

3 Things to Keep in Mind After Being Rejected:

The person had the balls to tell you he wasn’t interested outright. A lot of people maybe never gave you that courtesy in the past! It can be almost more painful to not know how they really feel and then start fantasizing about what could have happened…or worse, you start going all stalker and obsess about the version of the date in your head.*If you feel like you got rejected in the slow and painful way (like he just never calls you back), the faster you clear your own energy of the illusion of what could have been and let go, the easier it is to move on. If you need help with that, I’m your gal as it’s the #1 thing I help clients with. Learn more here.
You have more energy for the long haul. This painful, but direct rejection saves you valuable time and mental/emotional bandwidth for the one who is interested.
Anything that is truly meant to be in your space will be in your space. If it’s not, and if the “it” in question is a date, plain and simple, the Universe is setting it up for you to meet an even more aligned person. Sometimes it’s timing, sometimes we’re simply not energetically ready to handle what we say we want or the other person isn’t, etc. Trusting that nothing that is yours will be kept from you can be a comfort when you get hit with rejection. Or what I like to call “Spirit protection” experiences!

Now I want to hear from YOU.

Have you ever been rejected outright on a date or soon after?

How did you deal or what advice do you have for someone who is going through the feelings of rejection?

Post a comment! I can’t wait to hear from you!

And if you enjoyed this article, please share it with your friends and click here to get a free love audio class when you subscribe for weekly updates (it’s also free!). www.dianadorell.com

Diana Dorell, Your Intuitive Relationship Coach

Ps: Yes, I am still doing 1:1 intuitive readings but I am not sure how long I will be offering them. If you are interested and ready to get some laser clarity and answers, go here: www.dianadorell.com/intuitivereadings