Needy, needy, needy

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Happy Tuesday!

The other day, I was speaking with a girlfriend and she was complaining about how her partner, who adores her, doesn’t like to give her shoulder or foot massages when she was tired from working-when she tried to confront hime about it, he just said it “isn’t his thing-he doesn’t like feet.”

Regardless of whether or not her partner was interested in giving her massages, I could tell they were totally in love with each other otherwise. 

Was all hope lost? she asked me. 

Not necessarily.

It just highlighted a very important value for her-physical touch.

No one person can meet every single need-that’s not realistic, nor is it healthy to expect that.

So, I invited her to explore options-was there something else that would give her the same feeling of receiving a massage from her partner? 

At first, she was resistant to the idea, and then she got quiet and said-“You know, I really just want to feel his body near me-not necessarily in a sexual way but it makes me feel calm and connected.”

So, really it wasn’t even the massage itself tat was the most important-it was the feeling of…calm and connection. 

She got creative and saw different ways she could feel that way with him that didn’t require him to give her feet a rub and also ways she could give that to herself.

Some of the things she came up with?

  • asking for him to hold her hand while she was taking a bath (not every time but once in awhile). He agreed right away!
  • for herself: turning off her electronics an hour before bed and getting a weighted blanket
  • listening to sounds of the ocean as she wrapped up her work day and slipping into fuzzy socks
  • touching feet under the dinner table while talking about their day. Another easy win for him and her!

The fun part was hearing about how much more intimate their relationship felt even after a week of just making a few tweaks.

And what made me laugh out loud was that he bought her a foot and leg assuage thing to use whenever she wanted! (and I’m sure would agree to hold her hand while she used it!)

The takeaway here is two-fold:

  1. When you get creative with discovering the feeling you are desiring behind a need, it’s way easier to come up with ways to get those needs met.
  2. When you take ownership of your needs and stop assuming one person to be your need–machine, they are more likely to step up to want to make you happy!

Q: What is one need that has been calling to you to address? What is one creative way you could get the same feeling? Share with us!

How to Keep Going, Even When You Aren’t Seeing What You Want

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Dear Goddess,

Did you happen to see the Solar Eclipse on Saturday? 

It was so beautiful and it was in the sign of Sagittarius which surrounds themes of

  • optimism
  • expansion/unlimited possibility 
  • international/foreign connections
  • sharp wit and blunt communication 
  • fun and more!

It’s also a good week to really tune into your intuition’s nudges on what is more near and dear to your heart.

You may yearn for a soulmate partnership.

Someone to hold you, adore you and do life with you.

You may have put yourself on so many dating apps but no one seems to be right, no one messages you…

Or you do have a wonderful date and then you need hear from them again,

Or they are married,

Or they are ‘not in a place to be  in a committed relationship.’ 

No matter the situation, it can feel really discouraging and frustrating to keep going, and to stay positive when there’s no sign in sight of what you’re yearning for. 

I’ve been in this situation countless times in the past and after witnessing and holding space for private clients over the past 11 years, here are 3 beliefs to consider: 

—

  1. I wouldn’t have the desire if the thing I’m desiring wasn’t already here in the Universal Field. It is happening in exact Divine timing and I won’t miss it. Yes, I know that’s annoying to hear, but if you adopt the mindset of “The Universe is on my side and will deliver what is truly meant for me at the perfect time,” then you can chill and relax if something doesn’t seem to be happening ASAP. It’s Divine timing. You can still date and practice staying open and relaxed to receiving without attachment or gripping. 
  2. Everything that happens is an opportunity for me to commit more truly to what I want. When Jess-than-aligned partners present themselves, you can choose to see it as an opportunity to commit even more to the type of relationship you want vs worrying about “why you attracted this.” (Honestly, sometimes it’s just showing up to test you on how committed you are to what you say you desire!)
  3. When in doubt, cut it out! As you peer honestly at the actions you are taking and the relationships currently in your life, heck, even the books and TV shows you are reading, where are you contradicting what you say you want? Example: If you say you want to meet someone (like your forever person) but you are addicted to watching TV shows where all the characters are having one-night stands, that’s what’s being embedded in your psyche. It may be time to make new choices. If you’re not sure if something you’re doing or someone you are engaging with on a regular basis is healthy and aligned with the desires of your heart, it may be time to cut it out and replace with new activities. 

The more you can observe yourself with grace, compassion and honesty, and align with the natural timing of the Universe, the easier it will be to know when to take action and when to just be in trust!

Q: Which one of these are you going to play with this week? 

Let me know in the comments and if you’d like to go deeper, I am SO excited to have 10 spots available for 2021 Healing Release Sessions!

How it works: 

These are different than getting an intuitive reading in that you will be given an exercise to complete before we speak to maximize the release energy. Then we will hop on the phone or Zoom for the energy activation and release to let go of heavy stuck enemy and anything you already to say bye bye to. And then you’ll be given a personalised directive to seal off that energy after we are done. This is really special because I no longer offer one-off energy healing sessions so if you’ve to get in and clear some heavy stuff, jump in!

These are $297 USD and I will be booking all of them before the Winter Solstice on the 21st. 

Next steps:

  1. Go here to book (if I already have 11 spots full, I will refund you!) 
  2. You will receive an email within 24 hours to boo a specific day and time and also receive your pre-session exercise.
  3. These will go quickly! Once they are gone, they are gone. 

Have an amazing week!

If You’re Not Feeling Like His Priority-Check This

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Happy Tuesday! 

This situation came up that I wanted to share with you because I have a feeling more of you may be experiencing some version of this.

Q: “He’s always texting me last minute to get together. When I share something that’s important to me, he changes the subject…or doesn’t reply at all. It makes me feel like crap and like I’m not important. This pattern has started trickling over to friends too. I feel like I’m always the one listening and dropping things to be there for them but it’s rarely reciprocated. What’s going on?”

A: We all want to feel special and lie we are a priority. 

One of the first things I ask a private client in my relationship practice is to have them write out their daily and weekly schedule.

So…although it may seem like I’m not answering the question, step one is to: 

#1: Look at your schedule. 

#2: What’s on there? 

Do it start by being reactivity to other people’s demands and desires of you? 

Or are you intentionally creating space to start your day in a way that priorities your self-care, metal health and physical well-being? 

If you’re like most of us, the first thing you do is grab your phone, check emails and scroll Instagram. 

Then, maybe you have breakfast after you answer that text. 

Or hopping on a Zoom call and bumping your Pilates class to the afternoon (which you never seem to make). 

Or listening to a friend drone on and on about the same guy issues that she never seems to take your advice on and you skip your morning meditation in the name of ‘being a good friend.’

It may seem insignificant, and these small choices over time become routines and habits. 

And when you routinely put yourself last and are in reaction to everything around you, work, kids, friends, lover, date, etc, you are never fully grounded. 

And essentially, you are saying that 1) you are okay not being a priority and 2) you are constantly at the mercy of your circumstances. 

Neither inspires a man (or a friend, or anyone) to put you first if you yourself won’t. 

I know this is a bit of a tough love reminder-it’s the to get real with yourself.

If you want to be the priority.

If you want to be cherished, adored and seen? 

Start by looking at your schedule and noticing where you can make some adjustments to your day so that you are positions yourself as the Queen you are. 

Examples: 

  • put your phone on silent or off until you’ve eaten breakfast 
  • set a reminder on your phone at the end of your day to review the most important tasks to get done the next day, focus on those 3 things first so you’re not spinning your wheels in the morning.
  • get up 30 min earlier and listen to a mediation or go for a walk.
  • have a set time when you will check and respond to messages (this one’s hard but if you’re checking and responding to everything as soon as it comes in, you are in reaction mode and even paring that down to 5-6 time a day can change your life!)
  • sign up for an exercise class and enlist a friend for extra accountability.
  • prep your food the night before.
  • pick out your outfit the night before. 

Q: What is one thing you can tweak to your schedule so that you are making yourself a priority?

The more you do this and stick with it, the more you will find other around you start treating you like one too! 

Ready to tap into your Personal Power? Join me for the new course, 11 Days to Awaken Your Personal Power starting on 11:11! Click here. 

For more, check out my book The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again for more stories and exercises of how you can trust your intuition and love yourself!

How to Put Yourself Together After a Breakup

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Happy Tuesday! 

Today, I’m taking your questions from the community. 

And we are talking about… breakups. 

Q: “Diana, I’ve just broken up with a man I thought I was going to marry. I feel so confused and lost and I just need to get myself together. but I don’t even know where to start. I Don’t want to burden my girlfriends as they are probably tired of hearing my sob stories. Help!” 

A: Thank you for writing! 

Breakups can be so painful and get us to question our very existence, worth and lovability. 

But they don’t have to break you. Here are three things you can do as you move through this difficult time. 

1. Stop expecting everyday to be the same. Embrace your emotional cycles. 

So often we think, okay, I’ve purged them from my phone. I’ve put myself back on the dating apps. I’ve thrown out all the gifts they gave. I am having a great day and I’m over it… and then the next day you feel triggered by something and then start beating yourself up. Stop. A breakup is a death, it’s a transition and the more you can embrace your emotions and stop expecting them to be the same day to day, the easier it will be to ride the wave to the other side. 

2. Make a list of all the things that annoyed you in the relationship. Keep it somewhere you can see it often. 

Quirks. Things maybe you couldn’t do because they didn’t like it, etc. After the initial shock of the breakup wears off, whether you are the one who initiated or not, it’s easy to go into idealising the other person’s best traits and to only think about the good times and benefits. But this keeps you stuck. When you put the relationship on a pedestal, that hyper focus can make it much easier to keep playing out everything Iver and over again and driving you crazy. When you’re feeling weak, read your list or better yet, record and audio on your phone of you reciting the list and play it often! It will help you stay present. 

3. Connect with your body. 

Taking care of yourself can feel challenging when you are in the throes of. a breakup. But committing to listening to your body and paying attention to it is so important for your healing. Take a walk. Dance. Give yourself a soothing foot rub before bed. Breathe deeply and create some white space in your day to just be. If the thought seems unnerving, ask it, “Body, what would you like to share with me?” And then free write for a page and see what comes out! It may seem silly but body truth can help you uncover your feelings, release stuck emotions and thoughts and keep things moving forward, even when your heart is hurting.

Going through a break up is not easy. But by taking the steps above, you can move through the transition with greater ease and grace!

Q: What has helped you move through a break up? Share with us in the comments!