I don’t know about you, but I am a recovering worrier and people pleaser.

Making sure everyone else felt comfortable (even when I was depriving myself) was the norm.

A few examples from my life that may sound familiar to you:

*Agreeing to “volunteer” my time and energy after work hours without compensation even though it meant missing a date with a friend I hadn’t seen in forever…in the name of wanting to be seen as a “team player.”

*Staying in a one-sided friendship with a girlfriend who drained all my energy, calling me only to complain about her relationship problems, only to find that when the conversation turned to me and my stuff, she suddenly had to go. But ignoring her calls seemed “mean”

and now the funny one….

*Buying an extra box of Girl-Scout cookies, because I felt bad saying no to the little girl who asked me, even though I had set an intention to stop eating so much sugar.

The common denominator in each of the scenarios above was…me.

And the core of it all? 

I had a hard time setting healthy limits with my time, energy and resources for fear of 

:: not wanting to be judged

:: not wanting to rock the boat 

:: not wanting to be seen as weird, greedy or self-indulgent

and the list goes on.

Sound familiar?

But here’s what I realized as I learned how to become a master manifestor and help others manifest too.

Tough Love Tip:

When you respect yourself and set healthy limits, you create a safe container for all that you desire to find you!

When we have a hard time setting limits with ourselves and others, it also diminishes our self-respect and our ability to draw in/magnetize the gifts that the Universe wants to bring you! 

So what happens?

:: You ask for less than what you want and you get (surprise!) nothing…. or a watered down version of it that doesn’t leave you satisfied or excited. 

:: You attract people who mirror your wounds. They validate how you feel about yourself-that your time, energy and resources aren’t worth much. 

:: You feel jipped, because even though you’re doing all the “right” things: journaling, exercising, meditating, etc, you feel exhausted or restless and think the Universe just doesn’t care about you! 

I know…I’ve been there!

Ready to stop it?

Here’s the first step.

People-Pleasing SOUL MANTRA:

Say this aloud to yourself in the mirror 2X/day with intention. Put your hand over your heart and stand up.

“I respect myself.

“It is safe for me to set healthy limits around my time and energy.

“I now create a safe container for my desires to find me! And so it is!”

The more you say it, the more you will start to believe it and you’ll be on your way to drawing in more of the types of people and situations that lift you up! Stay tuned next week for another tip on recovering from people-pleasing syndrome!

Now it’s YOUR turn.

Q: Have you ever been a people pleaser? 

What was one situation where you gave your power away or time away and what did you learn from the experience that made you a stronger person now? Share with us by leaving a comment here!

Want MORE?

Tune into my NEW Radio show “The Dancing Goddess Show” this Thursday, July 30th.

Details here:

Let’s face it.

People can be ehem…difficult sometimes.

Communication can get challenging especially if you tend to be the one to stuff your feelings until it gets really really unbearable and then you explode.

I used to be that type and it just never really worked, so I had to find a new way!

Whether it’s in the workplace with a boss or client, or in the home with a family member, girlfriend or lover, it’s important to feel like you’re getting your needs met in a healthy way. 

This builds self-confidence, self-respect and also opens you up to take creative risks because you trust yourself.

I’d like to share a 4-step process that my clients have used to express themselves successfully even when speaking with some of the most power-driven, type-A intimidating types.

#1 Pinpoint the issue or challenge in a simple way. 

Use “us/we” vs. “you” 

Example: In friendships…

“I noticed that it’s been difficult to find a time to us to connect, even when we set a time.”

#2 State what you need with little to no emotion

(prep work: actually write down what your needs are and what you’d like to see change. This focuses your energy so you take the emotion out of it when you have the conversation).

NOTE: Go for what you really really want/need vs. the bare minimum you’d settle for or you think you can get. This is important! You are important! It’s about being clear and directive with yourself vs defensive and reactive.

“I’d really love for us to speak at least once a month uninterrupted, even if it’s just for 15 minutes and make our friendship a priority, even though life gets crazy.”

#3 Re-direct it back to them: 

Ask, “What do you think?” 

This takes the energy loop back full circle and helps the person feel included in the decision or solution which is always a good thing! Often times, they may have additional information or suggestions that come out once you state your needs and what you want to see. 

“What do you think about that?” 

#4 Last step: Listen, take in what they say and together you’ll most likely find a simple solution that makes it a win: win for both parties involved!

With practice, this becomes second-nature and you’ll be one step closer to getting what you want, without manipulation or weirdness!

This week’s Soul question: Have you ever had to communicate something you needed to a person who was challenging you? What did you do and what worked? Share with us in the comments below!

ps: Want to become exceptional at communicating confidently in your relationships? Click here to book a private session where we will uncover your key blocks to communicating and I can help you put together the words that help you feel respected and loved!