Do you know that you deserve better in a relationship?
Do you wonder why other people seem to thrive and get all this attention and adoration from a partner (or the world at large) when you seem to give and give and get crumbs back?
Do you feel frustrated, annoyed or just plain dumbfounded at how to break the cycle?
I’d love to share a story with you about this with the intent that it helps you see what could be running the show and how you can begin to break it for good.
I was speaking with a woman recently who we will call *Samantha. Samantha is beautiful, smart and has one of the most generous, loving hearts of anyone I know.
She’s super tuned into the spiritual world and being of service.
She had her own business and was in a relationship with a guy she really loved but when we peered behind the curtain of small talk, some uncomfortable Truths came out:
-She was working all the time and barely making ends meet. She was wondering if she should just go back to her old job even though she really hated it.
-She hadn’t had sex with her partner in a loooong time and admitted that she often felt irritated or too exhausted to bring it up. They weren’t connecting and she didn’t feel special or adored. He was treating her more like a roommate than a cherished lover.
I asked her some more powerful questions and more came out..
-She wasn’t making money in her business because she felt terrible asking for the sale. She low-balled her rates so much that she’d end up paying herself less than minimum wage with all the hours she put in. But she was terrified her clients would go elsewhere if she charged what she really wanted to and was assuming they couldn’t afford it.
-In her relationship, she admitted the work stuff was getting in the way of her energy levels and desire for intimacy. Her whole body felt contracted and tight and she felt uncomfortable asking her partner for help (even if it was just to let her vent and to hold her while she shared what was happening). She didn’t want to bother him or be too much trouble and besides, she should be able to deal with this on her own, right? She was a grown woman after all.
“I feel like I’m failing even though I am working so hard. He’s not seeing my Goddess side because even I have know idea where she went!!! I work all the freakin time it’s like she’s numbed out!”
Now we were onto something.
When the shell finally cracked, Samantha realized that she had been allowing herself to settle for crumbs. She was almost proud of it that she could do things on her own and that she could survive on so little affection and resources. (This shocked her but that ah-ha came straight from her!) It was almost as if she had a program running inside her that said, “The harder life is, the more you’ll feel proud of yourself. And the less you ask for, the more spiritual you are.”
In short…in her old mindset,.settling for crumbs=getting more spiritual gold stars.
Her eyes got really really wide as she took in what she just uncovered.
After the initial shock wore off, she blurted out:
“OMG! No wonder I’m not letting him in. No wonder I’m barely making enough money to support myself! I’m so done being on that rollercoaster. That was fun in my 20’s but not anymore! I’m so so done! Done done!”
And we had a really good laugh!
And from that point of vulnerable Truth, the actual healing work could finally begin.
The Golden Take-Away Tip:
The key was in identifying what mindset, self image, stories and fears were running the old program. And from there, it was about getting clear on what self-image she intended to project to the world and most importantly to herself. And coming into energetic alignment with that new image. That’s what it takes to break the pattern of settling for crumbs. In any area of your life and especially relationships.
This is the core of the Soul healing work I help my VIP and private clients with.
Now, it wasn’t an overnight change, but last time I heard from her, she had raised her rates to reflect the awesome service she provides (which was ‘terrifying and liberating’), had opened up to her partner which was very healing for them both and actually ended in an amicable ending as he was not really in a place to be in a committed partnership (again, truth telling leads to more truth telling!) and she’s started dancing and dating again, clear on how she wants to be treated and also never settling for emotional or financial crumbs again.
“My Goddess is running the show again and it’s so much fun!” she told me.
She’s creating a life based on honoring herself and there’s no bigger high.
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