You broke up a year ago. You’re totally over him. You’re feeling like yourself again.

And then you get on Facebook and innocently check out his page. And BAM! There it is. His relationship status has changed to “in a relationship.”

Or your well meaning friend (thinking you’re over him/her) casually mentions that He/She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named just moved and ps, their new sig-o is wearing a sparkler on a special finger.

Let’s face it, finding out that your ex has moved on SUCKS. There is no easy way around it. It can send us into a spiral of shame, despair, anxiety and bursts of fiery rage!

I’ve been there (actually both of those scenarios are from my life) and luckily there are three things you can DO to get your energy moving out and on from what’s-their-name.

 

1. Name it!

There is nothing less authentic than pretending that you don’t feel what you do!  So, before you go into …..“I am FINE. I am thinking POSITIVE. I send him and his new girlfriend lots of love and Light” do yourself a favor and LET IT ALL HANG OUT.

Let yourself cry, yell, scream, hit the pillow, laugh. Feel it fully and don’t try to rationalize it. It’s not rational. And it’s okay.

2. List it!

Get out a sheet of paper and write down all the things that you no longer have to deal with by being with this person. Keep it short and sweet and don’t censor yourself. If you’re a Type-A Goddess, I want you to write down at least 5 things.

TIP: Do this in your own handwriting vs. typing as it is easier to stay out of your head.

Ex: He never shaved. She will never tell me that my car hobby is stupid. Etc….This will remind you why you aren’t with them and thank Goddess! It keeps the focus on the space you are creating by not having this person in your intimate space anymore!

 

3. Affirm it!

One of my favorite mantras for letting go of feeling rejected is “Rejection is Spirit’s protection. Something perfect is on its way.” Say this each day, several times a day if you need to to remind you to focus on expansion vs. going back and dwelling on the past. Your ex is your ex for a reason. End of story.

 

Your Turn!

Q: What advice do YOU give to your friend who finds out her ex has moved on? Do you have resources, actions or tips you can offer up? Post a comment! You never know who just got off Facebook and desperately needs to hear what you have to say!

 

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Do you tend to take it personally when things don’t go your way or things don’t go as planned?

When it comes to our relationships, this can wreck unnecessary havoc and stress if you let it take the reins.

Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be the end of the world, but it requires a conscious shift in mindset.

 

A real-life example of a brave, fabulous woman named Nancy

*names have been changed for privacy

 

*Nancy came to me devastated and very anxious. She had recently gone out with a man who treated her like the fabulous Goddess she is and whom she had a really great first connection with. When he walked her to her door, he leaned in and instead of trying to come in or give her a goodnight kiss, he told her, “I had such a wonderful time with you. You are beautiful.”

 She was stunned and shocked. Immediately, she assumed she had done something wrong because he hadn’t wanted to come in and take their relationship to the next level. Was it her body? Was it what she asked him during dinner? Why wasn’t he wanting to sleep with her? What was wrong with her? The mind kept going. Thoughts like…”I knew there were no good men out there. Nobody wants me. I’m not sexy. Etc. Etc. Etc.” (I call this the Ego rant).

 

I gently shared with her:

“Nancy, one of the patterns you’ve been letting of/changing  is needing external validation in the form of sex/physical demonstration from the man in order to feel desired. You said you’re tired of attracting men who only use you for sex and don’t want anything else from you and you’re tired of having to do everything (being in masculine energy). Take a step back and if you’re open, try this possibility on.

 

You actually manifested a man who is the opposite of what you’ve had before. And you did that pretty quickly and without needing to push for it or make it happen a certain way (being in the feminine).He treated you like a lady and instead of wanting sex from you on the first date or getting physical, he told you you were beautiful. Your Soul probably LOVES this but there may be a core part of you that is like…”Red flag! Red Flag! This isn’t what we’re used to! Something must be wrong with this picture. I have to DO something about it (Ego rant and freak-out).

 

She paused and with a new lightness in her voice replied, “You know what? I never thought about that before. I guess I hadn’t seen that I actually did create what I say I wanted. But when he treated me well, it was so foreign that I just assumed it was me doing something wrong because he didn’t want to get physical right away.  But I did change the pattern. It just felt really strange.”

 

Exactly. But with practice, that new pattern becomes second-nature. The Ego likes to have a field day but in the end, your Soul knows what it deserves.

 

The Core Lesson: Before you take something (anything personally):

 

1. Call yourself out.

You know you’re in defensive, insecure, taking-things-personally mode because you can tend to feel SEPARATE or isolated from another or the world in some way. Your body may tense and tighten and your breathing may get shallow. If you’re there, that’s your cue to verbalize it. Say ALOUD if you can. “Ok, I’m in fear mode right now. This sucks. I feel so upset….Let your ego RANT until it’s exhausted. It just wants to be heard, but it’s like a little kid having a tantrum. Don’t take what it says too seriously.

The key? Let it ALL out (in a safe space like a journal or in your room) but once you’ve had it out, move on to step 2 without needing to recreate what you spewed in this step. The truth is, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes we just need to air out our Ego’s energy before we can hear the Soul’s truth (step 2).

 

2. Ask, “What am I learning about myself right now?”

This will automatically shift your focus from YOU and what YOU aren’t getting from someone or something to what you are LEARNING about the experience (abundance and possibility).

With practice, this will get easier and like Nancy, you’ll be well on your way to creating harmonious relationships that uplift you and empower you!

 

Take Action: Your Turn!

1) Have YOU ever taken something personally?

2) What did you learn about yourself in that experience? Any tips to stop doing this? Share away!

ps: Want to know the Top 7 Mistakes Most Successful Women Make That Keeps you Single?

 

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Love,

Diana