5 signs to know if you’re settling
Have you ever dated someone that was just well, okay? Maybe they weren’t Mr or Ms Fabulous, but they weren’t really Mr or Ms A-hole either.Maybe you were with them because you were afraid of being alone.Or the sex was really great.Or your parents/friends/kids/dogs really liked them.
But deep down, you sometimes wondered, “Am I settling?”
This happened to me recently not with a man, but an event space. But you can use these 5 signs to let you know you might be settling so you can check yourself and make a different choice if you want to.
I am holding a fabulous event this May in NYC and was having trouble finding a space to hold it. I found one that on the outside looked great-it was way underpriced, the room was nice, it was near hotels and trains but when I walked into the building and through the halls, I just felt, well…less than fabulous. It wasn’t a horrible feeling and no one was mean to me or anything. But it just wasn’t ME. And being in it just didn’t allow me to show up fully as me. I knew I was settling and soon after I admitted this to myself, I found a truly 5-star fabulous space that I know I can deliver my best work in and give participants way more than they bargained for! (details on that in a few days in case you want to come to New York!!) But here is how it went down before then.
Use these 5 signs to save yourself a lot of unnecessary heartache, resources and energy!
1. Your body or breathing feels heavy, strange or unsettled.
When I first walked into the lobby of the old space, my breathing became very heavy and labored. I literally had to shut my eyes and concentrate on my breath because something well, just felt off and I couldn’t pinpoint it.
2. You catch yourself rationalizing.
This is a sure sign you’ve gone into your mind body. You may have thoughts like, “Well, he/she’s not SO bad. I can deal with XYZ (even if it’s a deal breaker). Maybe they’ll change….Maybe I’m over thinking this.”For me, I started rationalizing why it would work anyway (it was a cheap space, it was a nice room, it’s near trains, it’s available on the date you want..but my whole body just couldn’t wait to get the heck out of there).
3. Your passion meter starts to wane.
Things that you usually feel super excited to do you’re doing half-assed, not making any time for or just well, you’re just stagnant when it comes to fulfilling your desires. Maybe you love walking in the early am and you just have found yourself checking email and not walking. And you feel guilty about it but the behavior doesn’t change. Your passion meter is going down. The energy it takes to settle can affect every area of your life, not just the area in question. Example: I put up an event page and a FB post about my event but my biz girlfriends were like…um, what’s up with you? You aren’t smiling that much. You seem super stressed out and you are not excited about something (the SPACE!) and it shows! Ouch! They were so right. I hadn’t been going to yoga because I was worried about what the space rental people would say if I told them I wasn’t going to do it there after all.
4. You don’t want to talk about it (especially not to your close friends). Now this is different than having something come up and wanting to process it before you start spilling the beans and getting second opinions. This is about a low-level, “I don’t want to talk about it” because I want to avoid dealing with the fact that I’m not 100% happy and I don’t want you to point it out to me. You know the difference!
5. Your self-care takes a nosedive.
You may start overeating, not sleeping well and just in general, your moods tend to be all over the place or the opposite . You feel numb. ( I don’t want to tell you how many chocolate cookies I ate until I finally decided to get real with myself about what was bugging me-I needed a new venue and a new date that lit me up and where I felt so confident I could deliver my best stuff!)
Now I want to hear from YOU!
Have YOU ever felt like you were settling (in your love life or life in general?) Which of the signs did you notice? And what did you end up doing about it that helped you move forward? Please share your comments below!
ps: Want to come to NYC this May and step into your Soul’s purpose and pleasures? Stay tuned to your inboxes on Thursday! (See a sneak pic of the lobby of the fabulous venue I found below!)
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I ignored many of these signs when I married my husband. My family adored him. I was the “rebel” of the family because I questioned convention and had ideas that weren’t readily acceptable to my conservative family. They were so happy that I had met a lawyer who would be a wonderful provider. My body felt off when I said I would marry him. I rationalized my decision because I didn’t trust my instincts. I did marry him. I don’t regret it because I have 2 amazing children and he is a very good father and a good man, just not one I could live with. Thankfully we are friends.
Wow, thank you so much for sharing your story Kathleen! It’s so awesome that you were able to stay friends and that you have two beautiful children together. Much Love and Blessings! Diana