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How to Put Yourself Together After a Breakup

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Happy Tuesday! 

Today, I’m taking your questions from the community. 

And we are talking about… breakups. 

Q: “Diana, I’ve just broken up with a man I thought I was going to marry. I feel so confused and lost and I just need to get myself together. but I don’t even know where to start. I Don’t want to burden my girlfriends as they are probably tired of hearing my sob stories. Help!” 

A: Thank you for writing! 

Breakups can be so painful and get us to question our very existence, worth and lovability. 

But they don’t have to break you. Here are three things you can do as you move through this difficult time. 

1. Stop expecting everyday to be the same. Embrace your emotional cycles. 

So often we think, okay, I’ve purged them from my phone. I’ve put myself back on the dating apps. I’ve thrown out all the gifts they gave. I am having a great day and I’m over it… and then the next day you feel triggered by something and then start beating yourself up. Stop. A breakup is a death, it’s a transition and the more you can embrace your emotions and stop expecting them to be the same day to day, the easier it will be to ride the wave to the other side. 

2. Make a list of all the things that annoyed you in the relationship. Keep it somewhere you can see it often. 

Quirks. Things maybe you couldn’t do because they didn’t like it, etc. After the initial shock of the breakup wears off, whether you are the one who initiated or not, it’s easy to go into idealising the other person’s best traits and to only think about the good times and benefits. But this keeps you stuck. When you put the relationship on a pedestal, that hyper focus can make it much easier to keep playing out everything Iver and over again and driving you crazy. When you’re feeling weak, read your list or better yet, record and audio on your phone of you reciting the list and play it often! It will help you stay present. 

3. Connect with your body. 

Taking care of yourself can feel challenging when you are in the throes of. a breakup. But committing to listening to your body and paying attention to it is so important for your healing. Take a walk. Dance. Give yourself a soothing foot rub before bed. Breathe deeply and create some white space in your day to just be. If the thought seems unnerving, ask it, “Body, what would you like to share with me?” And then free write for a page and see what comes out! It may seem silly but body truth can help you uncover your feelings, release stuck emotions and thoughts and keep things moving forward, even when your heart is hurting.

Going through a break up is not easy. But by taking the steps above, you can move through the transition with greater ease and grace!

Q: What has helped you move through a break up? Share with us in the comments! 

How to Say No With Grace

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Have you ever struggled with saying no? 

The whole ‘No is a complete sentence’ sounds great but in practice, if you’re at all empathic or a recovering people pleaser, it can be the hardest single syllable to get out. 

So, today I’d love to share some insights on this whole saying NO with the intent that it helps you stand in your Truth when you are on a date, receive a request from family or friends and even at work. 

The more you can dial into ‘saying No is not a dirty word,’ the prouder you will feel when you reclaim your time and energy. 

Nugget 1: When you say No to one thing, you say Yes to something else.

Think about it. It’s all a question of priorities. When you free yourself up from something that isn’t in alignment, you are saying Yes to something else that is, even if that thing hasn’t shown up. When I first learned this, it made it way easier to say no. So, if you struggle with it, ask yourself, “What would I be saying YES to by saying NO to this request?” Then, check yourself and see if that excites you! 

Nugget 2: You have to be willing to receive a No as much as say a No. 

Oooo this one really can mess with your head. Read it again. If you were brought up to always say yes, to put your needs last and to please others as a way of feeling worthy and deserving, then the absolute worst thing you can do is potentially disappoint someone with a “No.” If you say yes to things you don’t want to do in order to get approval or validation long enough, it can feel like the end of the world who you muster the courage to ask something of someone else and they say… NO! It can feel like a personal rejection, when really, they are just honouring their Truth. So, notice if you have strong emotions that come up when someone says No to you. Reframe that and when you can create space for hearing ‘no’ from others, it can become easier to say ‘no’ yourself. Because it’s not a prison attack or a symbol of how worthy/unworthy you are. It’s just how you or someone else feels. Respect it yo!

Nugget 3: Keep some ‘No’ alternatives in your back pocket

If you aren’t used to saying No and you’re asked to respond to a request on the spot, here are a few phrases you can pull out in case a simple “No” doesn’t naturally roll off your tongue:

  • “That’s an interesting idea. Let me sit with it and get back to you.” (This buys you time so you can process how you actually feel when you aren’t under pressure.) 
  • “I can’t give this the attention it deserves given my current commitments but I appreciate you thinking of me.” (Clear and respectful of both parties.) 
  • “I’m flattered you asked, but I’m going to have to pass this time.” (Short and sweet) 

The more you practice saying “no” when you mean “no,” the easier it will feel to say “yes” when it’s a full body YES!

And everyone benefits because there’s nothing better than being in the company of someone who is totally present and excited to be there. 

Q: Which of the three nuggets will you experiment with this week? What has helped you say No even when it’s hard? Share with us in the comments!

Ps: If you struggle with saying ‘No’ and want to learn more specific strategies to build up that muscle, consider private coaching! Go here to book a complimentary intro call with Diana. 

How to Deal with Nosy People

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Happy Tuesday!

Have you ever been on a weird first date, work or family function where people start asking you inappropriate questions?

They may come completely out of nowhere and catch you off guard. 

If you’re at all empathetic, you may be very attuned to other people’s feelings and have a hard time setting boundaries when faced with an unexpected question you just don’t want to answer! 

This could be anything from, “Why aren’t you married yet?” to “How much did you pay for that new car you got?” 

Or one or my favorites for first dates: “So… how long have you been on (insert dating app). Why are you still single?” 

Ugh! 

So annoying, right?

Click here to hear my A to this Q!

ps: Healthy boundaries start with healthy self-love. Not sure how to do that? No fear! Check out 60 Seconds to Self Love: super short, actionable tips you can apply now to start building that self-love confidence!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Blocked In (True Story)

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Happy Tuesday! 

Have you ever had something happen so random that you never saw coming? 

Here in AZ, there was a powerful dust storm that swept through our neighborhood-it lasted maybe an hour, but in that time, the huge tree that sits outside the front of our home came crashing down.

When I opened the front door, the brand that broke had completely blocked the entrance and there was no way to get out that way. I had to go through the garage. 

I had been doing some massive Feng-Shui and of course, that’s where my mind went!

No! I can’t have it blocking our front entrance-that’s blocking opportunities coming in. 

Rob rolled his eyes. 

Not long after, a landscaper happened to be driving by-again, middle of the day, super seemingly random, but I don’t know that I believe in random. 

He said it looked like we needed help and offered his services. He was super grateful for the work and we were super grateful for him. 

And what I realized is that as that branch and possibly the entire tree get uprooted and removed from the property, I can choose to look at it from another perspective. 

Instead of going into my head, freaking out about how it’s temporarily blocking our entrance and “opportunities,” what if this was the massive removal of blocks to said opportunities and growth? 

Whoa…I’m telling you, I teach this stuff and there are days like this when Spirit truly reminds me who is really in charge. 

Q: What in your life is being removed or released right now? How can you see it as a blessing? 

Let me know in the comments below!

ps: Would you like to learn some practical things you can do to dial up your self-love muscle, so you can stay open to opportunities and stop pushing them away? Check out my self-paced audio course (short 60 sec snippets with gold strategies to help you be more magnetic now!) www.dianadorell.com/60sec

No Power, Getting Married in a Storm + a Reminder

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Happy Tuesday!

How are you? 

Wanted to share something with you today that I hope will invite you to open your heart. 

In light of the recent events in Texas, appreciation for what I have in my life came up so strongly. 

My father lives in Houston and he had no power or running water-and for the brief moments when I did get to speak with I’m on the phone before it went out again, he shared how the neighbors were all banding together to help each other with resources. 

I reconnected with a childhood friend whose parents are also there and she shared how their local church was supplying water for others. 

And finally, one of my fellow Goddesses actually had eloped and planned to be on the beach for her ceremony and got stuck in the storm-her best friend was flown in for the ceremony and because conditions were what they were, all three of them had to stay in one hotel room during her honeymoon!

Talk about an opportunity to get closer! What could have been a disastrous time ended up being a time to laugh, connect and enjoy an unconventional experience together. 

But it brings me to this point: In any moment, we can choose something to appreciate or we can choose something to complain about. 

And when it comes to love, when you are truly appreciative of the relationships that uplift you in your life NOW (friendships, family, work associates, clients, etc) you signal the Universe to send you more people that match that frequency! 

It’s a great week to do an Energetic Inventory. 

Here are two questions to journal on as we come to the finish line of February: 

Q: Which relationships drain you and feel like you are compromising your authentic self? 

Q: Which ones do you need to honor more? These are the ones where you feel like you are accepted and loved for who you are. 

Have a blessed week and if you struggle with maintaining a positive mindset during challenging times, click here.

Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough when it comes to dating? 

Anxiety that comes up after you don’t hear from a really great second date where you though for sure things went well? 

Or how about when you have this awesome day and then one thing happens that completely derails your mood and you wonder WTF you can do to climb out of it? 

No one teaches us how to love ourselves in these moments.

Self-love isn’t some luxury thing we only do when there is “enough money,” “enough time” or “enough (insert whatever you want).” 

It’s right up there with physical health and maintenance – it’s emotional maintenance! 

If you struggle with that (I certainly did!), I have found that it’s often the small, bite-sized things that we do consistently that really make a difference. 

And self love is no different. 

You have to learn to crawl before you can walk!

If you’d like to learn how to pull yourself out of a funk, support your emotional heart and feel more love for yourself so you can be there for the people you love, check this out: www.dianadorell.com/60sec

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