Today, I’m taking your questions from the community.
And we are talking about… breakups.
Q: “Diana, I’ve just broken up with a man I thought I was going to marry. I feel so confused and lost and I just need to get myself together. but I don’t even know where to start. I Don’t want to burden my girlfriends as they are probably tired of hearing my sob stories. Help!”
A: Thank you for writing!
Breakups can be so painful and get us to question our very existence, worth and lovability.
But they don’t have to break you. Here are three things you can do as you move through this difficult time.
1. Stop expecting everyday to be the same. Embrace your emotional cycles.
So often we think, okay, I’ve purged them from my phone. I’ve put myself back on the dating apps. I’ve thrown out all the gifts they gave. I am having a great day and I’m over it… and then the next day you feel triggered by something and then start beating yourself up. Stop. A breakup is a death, it’s a transition and the more you can embrace your emotions and stop expecting them to be the same day to day, the easier it will be to ride the wave to the other side.
2. Make a list of all the things that annoyed you in the relationship. Keep it somewhere you can see it often.
Quirks. Things maybe you couldn’t do because they didn’t like it, etc. After the initial shock of the breakup wears off, whether you are the one who initiated or not, it’s easy to go into idealising the other person’s best traits and to only think about the good times and benefits. But this keeps you stuck. When you put the relationship on a pedestal, that hyper focus can make it much easier to keep playing out everything Iver and over again and driving you crazy. When you’re feeling weak, read your list or better yet, record and audio on your phone of you reciting the list and play it often! It will help you stay present.
3. Connect with your body.
Taking care of yourself can feel challenging when you are in the throes of. a breakup. But committing to listening to your body and paying attention to it is so important for your healing. Take a walk. Dance. Give yourself a soothing foot rub before bed. Breathe deeply and create some white space in your day to just be. If the thought seems unnerving, ask it, “Body, what would you like to share with me?” And then free write for a page and see what comes out! It may seem silly but body truth can help you uncover your feelings, release stuck emotions and thoughts and keep things moving forward, even when your heart is hurting.
Going through a break up is not easy. But by taking the steps above, you can move through the transition with greater ease and grace!
Q: What has helped you move through a break up? Share with us in the comments!