Have you ever gotten repeated invitations from a friend or acquaintance and wanted to decline but didn’t have the words?
It can feel even harder when the person is what I call a “strong personality” and you may feel compelled to say yes, when you really want to say no.
Today, I’m taking your direct questions from the community and here’s the situation:
Q: “Diana, I have a friend who I met years ago at a business event. She keeps asking me to hang out in person, but I just don’t feel like it. It’s nothing personal against her, but I just have other priorities and I’m being super intentional where I spend my energy this year. I just keep saying, “it’s not the right time for me,” but she’s a strong personality and keeps pushing me to know why and proposes another date or question. I don’t want to be rude, and I don’t want to burn bridges but I don’t really know what to say so she “gets” it. Help!
A few things come to share with you!
1. Clarity is kindness. Q: What is it that you do want out of this relationship? Do you want to keep this person in your life but in a different capacity? Do you really want to not have any ties because it just doesn’t feel good or make sense? Be honest with yourself and allow all the feelings that arise to come up. That will inform how you eventually respond.
2. Ask yourself this: If the situation was reversed, how do you think they would act? This is more about getting curious. Chances are high that with a strong personality, if they didn’t want to hang out with you (or they wanted you to stop communicating), it would be very, very clear and there probably wouldn’t be a lot of wiggle room. So, ask yourself, what are you afraid of (if anything) could happen or how they would react if you were just really honest about what you wanted?
3. Once you know what you really want, and you’ve allowed the feelings and fears to surface and get to neutral, then you are ready to communicate neutrally and clearly.
Here are some potential responses (feel free to adapt/edit using your tone and what you want out of the relationship!):
- Brutal, but clear approach: Hey there-I appreciate you reaching out to hang out, but to be honest, I don’t have the bandwidth for that. If that changes in the future, I will let you know. Thank you for understanding and respecting that.
- If you’ve identified you do not want a friendship but really want to help each other out in another capacity based on the event you attended: “Hi (x)-I am so glad we met the XYZ event years ago. If there is something specific I can support you with as far as business goes, feel free to email me and I will respond when I can. My calendar is super full right now for in person committments.”
- If you do want to build/maintain friendship but just really don’t have the time or desire to hang out right now: Hi X, I really appreciate you consistently reaching out to connect with me. I realize my responses may have been a bit unclear-I truly value our connection and the truth is, right now my energetic capacity to hang out with friends in person is pretty low. It’s not personal-I just have other competing priorities at the moment. I am, however, available (if you really are!) to (fill in the blank-speak on the phone, text, etc). I understand if that doesn’t work for you, but I wanted to be honest and let you know where I’m at!
The more you can practice being clear, getting to emotional neutral and communicating from that space, the easier it will be to deal with a strong personality (or any personality) and decline or accept invitations!
Q: Have you ever been in a similar situation? How did you handle it and what tips can you share around this? Leave a comment on the blog!
Happy International Self-Love Day (Feb 13!)!
Did you know that in numerology, the number 13 actually represents magic and alchemy? It’s a vibration that can help you transform any beliefs and ways of being that you know are standing in your way, especially around love!
One of my fave things to do on this day and actually this week especially is to block off time to do a self-love experience.
Regardless of your relationship ‘status’ creating a 5-star self love experience, even if it’s just for 15 minutes can have a really positive impact on your mental and emotional health, which impact the quality of your relationships and also level of self-confidence!
In this week’s short (but super powerful) audio, you’ll learn:
- top 3 elements you’ll want to include when designing a 5-star self-love experience (whether it’s the whole day or 15 minutes!)
- the difference between being self-ish and self-love (this is often misunderstood, esp if you’re an empath like me!)
- the benefits of a self-love experience that go way beyond the in-the-moment enjoyment and more!
Q: What are you going to do for your self-love day/hour/experience? Hit reply and let me know!
Have you ever had an unmistakable sign from the Universe? When it comes to love, I felt like a good chunk of my dating life, I was “spinning” and trying to make things happen. I was very much in my masculine energy.
This was helpful when it came to work and being productive, but when it came to attracting partners that really appreciated and loved me…. not just for what I did for them but for who I was, I kept striking out.
In the early 2000’s, I was also dating this hot Navy lieutenant long-distance who was exciting but I never knew where I stood with him.
Around the same time, I was first introduced to Angels and intuition and all that “woo-woo” stuff by a good friend named Zack. (Zack if you’re reading this, I know you will smile!)
I thought it was super silly but one night really reminded me of the power of surrendering, especially in love.
If you’ve been in my world awhile, you may have heard this story before but it’s a great one to remember if you’ve forgotten how loved you are, have been trying to do it all yourself and need a little nudge to reconnect.
Full disclosure: I haven’t shared this video in a long time. My hair is well, different than it is now. It is from a submission video I made to Hay House way back in 2010 about the power of intuition, trusting and asking for Divine assistance in dating. Since that time, I’ve spoken on numerous stages where I look wayyy more polished, and “together” but my heart and intuition said to share this raw one with you today.
After you watch it, I’m super curious:
Q: have you had a similar experience that required you to trust and question your own beliefs around love and being supported?
Hit reply or leave a comment underneath the blog. I’d love to hear from you!
Watch the video below:
Can I ask you something? Where have you been feeling called to upgrade things in your life? Maybe it’s your wardrobe, your mindset, or something else.
A big part of manifesting like a Goddess, especially when it comes to relationships, has to do with believing at your core that you are worthy of the best. The best meaning, being treated well-with love, respect, kindness, etc.
So often we don’t feel worthy of the things we are asking for.
One day on my Paris trip, I got bored at the Louvre and left my friend to happily bemuse the floors of paintings and statues (I did make sure to whiz past the Nike goddess, Venus de Milo and the Mona Lisa-she was small!) and instead decided to find and visit the Chanel original store on 31 Rue Cambon. I’ve always been fascinated by her story and set about on my adventure.
I went in my sneakers, jeans and my hair was a mess as I tried to look inconspicuous holding up my phone and following Google map walk directions amidst all the locals.
I just meant to look at the building but I was itching to go in. There was a guard on the side door (I guess reserved for VIP’s with appointments). I just went ballsy New Yorker on him and asked point blank if I could go in and look. I think he was just amused or bored and to my delight, laughed and opened the door!
When I got through the secret door, I was greeted by three more miked and well dressed Chanel people. No, I did not have an appointment. Just looking. American. Petit, Frances. Sorry. They looked me up and down and left me alone!
As I walked around the beautiful space, and felt the gorgeous fabrics from the jackets and dresses, part of me felt soooo out of place. $16,000 for a jacket? I should just run out now. What the heck was I doing here? There were half-empty champagne flutes on silver trays on the coffee tables in each room set aside no doubt for the “appointment” people. Who was I to be in here? And yet, my inner voice told me-it’s all just a choice. You belong or don’t belong. Belong to yourself and you simply choose where you go and what you wish to experience.
I ended up somehow at the make up station.
I met a super good looking French salesperson called Bryan and it was as if some force took me over. I went into what I can only describe as the Chanel trance.
I was transported to another world. We started talking about the history of the brand, Boy Capel and the next thing I know I was consulting with him on the “perfect” red lipstick for my skin tone and he was giving me pointers and opinions and well, long story short, I ended up buying the most perfect, red, and expensive lipstick I’ve ever owned.
It comes in a glass case and is modeled after the original address (31 Rue Cambon) and of course I chose one called Privet Rouge (Private Red-very Goddess). He handed me a tiny Chanel bag (which he informed me was only given out at the original store here in Paris-everywhere else it’s black apparently), put the signature Chanel camelia flower on it.
Then, he whispered that if we were quick, he’d be happy to sneak me over to the original mirrored staircase where Chanel would sit during her shows watching the reactions of the audience members to determine whether or not she would come down. It was guarded but one nod from Bryan, and we went right through. OMG, I couldn’t believe my luck!
The Ghost of Chanel
I could feel decades of history and energy as I stood on that staircase and was overcome with emotion and this profound sense of her essence. She toiled and triumphed and failed on these steps. She faced criticism and praise. She wasn’t perfect but she demanded the best from herself and everyone who worked for her. It was such an interesting sensation that is hard to describe but I am so grateful I didn’t let my insecurities or feelings of being out of place stop me from getting to that moment.
A few lessons I gleaned:
- Trust your intuition and desire to lead to places that may seem “out of reach” or out of your comfort zone. If things trigger you while you are there, which they certainly did for me at Chanel, know that you can use it as opportunity to witness, love and honor the feelings that arise.
- Belonging and feeling worthy are an inside job. No lipstick, jacket or VIP treatment makes me any more or less worthy than the next person. But how you feel about yourself, talk to yourself and carry yourself matters the most. Then, you can truly enjoy yourself in any environment.
- Don’t cut yourself off before you consider. Yes, Bryan was an exceptional salesperson and I didn’t “need” a crazy red, expensive ass lipstick but I checked in with myself and I truly desired it, loved how it felt on my very sensitive lips and instead of shutting myself or him down or not even trying it on, I considered it. I gave myself the full experience, took pleasure in receiving the benefit of his expert eye, tried on a few different reds and made my own grounded decision to hand over my AMEX. I also knew deep down that if none of them were right for me, it was totally okay for me to thank him and leave the store. The old me would have run away from Bryan, or not even let myself look at the lipsticks, let alone sit in the chair to even consider. I would have gone into people pleasing and bought something just because I felt bad that he took so much time with me even if it wasn’t at all right for me. Not the new Diana. And it felt great.
Q: Which one of these lessons did you need to hear this week? Hit reply or leave me a comment on the blog!
Have an amazing week!