what to do when old ghosts come back

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You may have heard of the phrase, “Old skeletons in the closet” to describe old relationships that never really got resolved or released.

You may be experiencing people from the past coming back-old lovers, friends or family members you haven’t seen in awhile and you may even be getting a chance to visit old haunts and memories from your past.

As we approach the holiday season, nostalgia can kick in and it can feel confusing how to handle some of the old connections and feelings that may creep up. 

Here are 3 things to consider when you find yourself toe-to-toe with old ‘ghosts’: 
1. Ask yourself, “Who do I want to be right now?” 

This may seem simplistic, but when you have made the decision let’s say to be a healthy, fit individual and that well-meaning relative hands you a third dessert and regales you with tales of when you were a chubby 10-year old, you can politely decline. 

2. Just because someone reaches out to you, doesn’t mean you are obligated to respond or reply.

This one can be tough if you’re a recovering people pleaser-you may have been given the subconscious message growing up that when people want your attention, you have to be ‘nice’ and give it to them, even if that means sacrificing your own mental, emotional and physical health. 

So when that ex comes back in town wanting to “just catch up” and you know when you check in with yourself that it would put you back on the emotional merry-go-round, you can give yourself permission to ignore the message. 

3. Free and release the ghost

I’m dating myself but I always think back to that Sex and the City episode where Carrie goes to Aidan (her ex’s) new bar hoping to reconnect with him, only to be snubbed. If you do run into someone from your past, and it does cause some emotional turmoil or confusing feelings, it’s perfectly okay to give yourself space to be alone, cry it out, scream it out, (I love to journal stream of consciousness during those times) and then release it. Burn the paper, honor that connection by naming all the things you loved about them and then following it up with all the things you are absolutely done with. Go for a walk. Make a meal for yourself. Release the ghost. 

The more you can check in with yourself and observe these 3 tips, the less likely you will be to be triggered when old ghosts pop up…and they will!

Q: Which tip spoke to you? Why? Share with us in the comments and if you’re not already a part of the Goddess community, click here to grab your free gift: 7 Goddess Secrets to Up Your Confidence Now! Totally free. 

f—k being reasonable

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Do you tend to be the friend that everyone goes to for advice?

If you said yes, I’m guessing that people love to tell you a lot about their lives.

And often there is a pattern to what they share.

For me, I’ve noticed that regardless of who it is-a good friend, a person I met at Trader Joes check out, or some random Goddess I met at a conference, the themes circle around the following:

  • I am a workaholic and I feel like my life is a never ending To-Do list and no one appreciates me
  • I have no social life and no love life…I know something has to change
  • I’m tired of feeling isolated and alone but I don’t know what to do

Then I ask the bold question: “So, what are you going to change so you can you start loving yourself more? What do you do to take care of your Spirit?”

I sometimes get weird stares and a laundry list of rational excuses, mostly about how they need to focus on their career/business. Or their responsibilities. Or re-organizing the closet. 

I’m in the middle of a decluttering challenge, so while it sounds totally valid…I have to sigh. 

I’ve been there. So many times. I get it.

It’s scary to change.

It’s scary to trust.

It’s scary to not be in control all the damn time and trust that thing are going to work out

But here’s the deal:

We say we want to take time out of our busy lives, love ourselves and come back into balance but what we are really are saying is…I’ll get to that later…

as soon as I get the business or career stuff handled

as soon as I have more free time

as soon as the kids go to college

as soon as I have more money

as soon as as soon as as soon as…

Only “as soon as” never comes, does it?

Self-care and prioritizing our Soul go to the bottom of the to-list…. if it’s even on the list at all.

Pleasure and taking a new direction towards something fun seems frivolous, unnecessary, unreasonable. 

The idea of putting our needs and emotions above others’ we love seems selfish.

But, consider this.

Your dream life is rarely birthed when you are being ‘reasonable.’

Otherwise, you would have it already, wouldn’t you?

The Universe knows you are EXTRA-ordinary. 

It’s just waiting for you to get the memo so it can start helping you get what you want. 

But normally we’re too in our heads to actually listen or do anything about it.
The Universe doesn’t respond to you when you’re being ‘reasonable’ when your Soul is crying out for more. 

It responds to your request when you are relaxed, in a space of receiving and joy. Not stress. Or worry.

When you take time out for pleasure and Soul nourishing time, you become a magnet for the things you want.

  • My client slashed her work hours in half and started walking again and taking time to be with her Spirit. The result? Her quarterly income increased over 34%.
  • Another client treated herself to a massage and a movie in the middle of her work week. Just because she felt like it! The result? Creative inspiration, and sign-ups for her upcoming event

and another

  • Another client moved to a gym closer to her home and enrolled in regular yoga classes per her intuition and body requests. The result? Regular daily compliments from men (and women!) and one that calls and texts her often to ask her out and see how she’s feeling. 

Coincidence?

I think not.

This week’s Self-Love Soul Challenge:

What’s one “unreasonable” thing you can do for your Soul this week? Something that fills you with a feeling of “OMG I can’t do THAT! But wouldn’t that be neat….”

I give you permission to go for it Goddess.

Fuck reasonable.

And if you don’t like it after a week,  you can always go back to the way things were before.

No questions asked.

Your call.

It’s time to put yourself first.

PS: Are you ready to rip off the Band-Aid and step into a brand-new you, let’s talk so I can learn more about you and how I can help.  Schedule a 15 min complimentary consult call here. 

are they ready or are you wasting your time?

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Today’s Q+A is about marriage/commitment.

Q: I’ve been burned a lot in the past by men who couldn’t commit. I feel cautious dating again and am wondering, are there signs I should look for that the person I’m seeing is open for marriage?

A: Oooo, I love this question. It can feel really scary to put yourself out there only to discover that the person you’re interested in isn’t on the same page-in this case, around commitment.

There are 3 common dating behaviors I see in my private practice. 

One of them is a sign you can tell before you are monogomous.

The other two are for when you’ve been with the person awhile and want to know if you’re on track for the M-word 🙂

Check out the full answer below in this video:

Q: Have another sign you’d like to add? Share in a comment below!

ps: Would you like more specific support around your relationship or dating life?
Book a complimentary consultation to learn more about private coaching. No investment required and no obligation to purchase services. This is simply the first step in the process and my intent is that you leave the call with clarity if private coaching is the right next step for you and also what could be blocking you from creating the type of relationship you really want. 

i am open to receiving support

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Last week, I led an in-person Goddess Circle in Arizona and it blew my mind.

I learned what it means to truly trust that it’s safe to ask for help and that it didn’t mean I was any less of a leader because I needed assistance.

Long story short, my back totally went out, like the day before I was scheduled to teach.

And ironically, the name of the class was “Aligning with your Divine Purpose!”

Seriously, the Universe has a sense of humor.

I was hunched over at a 90 degree angle like an old lady totally misaligned and I didn’t know how I would make it there but I just knew in my belly, I had to show up, regardless of the state I was in physically.

I said a hurried prayer and just said to myself, “I’m going to be open to receiving support. It will be okay.”

And I kid you not, once I fully, fully, FULLY surrendered it all, I was at a stop light about 10 min away from the event space.

1) I get a text: “Hey, I got here early (my friend who signed up). Want me to give you Reiki before you go on? I can also help with the chairs.”

I’m open to receiving support.

2) I walk into the space and within 5 minutes, another two Goddesses show up early. One of them offers me half her gourmet sandwich (she thought I might be hungry) and offered to help put out the altar and the chocolates and grapes I brought.

I’m open to receiving support.

I didn’t try to “be strong.” I openly shared with everyone that I was uncomfortable but that I was so excited to be there because teaching and sharing IS my Divine Purpose.

And as the night went on, I felt such a softening in our group-sharing was happening, Truths were being told and ideas were being explored in a safe container. 

I realized, when you aren’t trying to be invincible, you just get to BE.

And that is a much more aligned place to come from as a leader and in the Highest Goddess version of yourself.

I felt a weight release near my sacrum and to my amazement, by the end of the evening, I was able to straighten up more than I had in the past 2 days!
3) After the event, I received another invite to have energy work done on my back and the energy was buzzing with love and sparkly energy that comes when there is Flow.

I’m open to receiving support.

I realize how much we try to do this thing called Life believing that we aren’t worthy of support.

And how liberating it is to finally drop that.

I’m so grateful for this experience and I invite you to reflect on where in your life you have been trying to pretend you don’t need help?

Where could assistance support your Path?

Have an amazing week!

onward + up oct! you ready?

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Happy October!

Lordy, lawdy! Where has 2019 gone?

I think I may have said that in last week’s newsletter but my head is seriously mystified at how fast this year is flying. 🙂

So…what does October hold?

If you’re new here, welcome! Every first week of the month, I share a Monthly Goddess Guidance Oracle video and pull some cards to interpret to give you an overview of the entire month.

Grab a sheet of paper and pen, and head over to watch it as I always recommend you pause the video after each card to jot down your own insights!

Enjoy