same guy, different face

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Have you ever felt like you’ve dated the same type of person with a different face?

Often times, you don’t even realize it’s happening until a well-meaning friend points it out (usually the one that is exhausted from hearing you vent because it’s the same…freakin story and they know how it ends, but you don’t listen!)

Sometimes we choose partners who remind us of our parent(s).

Or we choose their exact opposite in an attempt to rebel against a pattern.

Or sometimes it’s totally random, but there is a pattern to the randomness.

I was out the other day and this woman near me started talking about how she keeps calling in married men.

She doesn’t know why this keeps happening.

I stayed quiet because I was doing my best to just listen and take my “love coach” hat off, but she kept going and said, “Do you have any ideas?”

When I told her my line of work, she burst out laughing and said it must be the Cosmos because she usually never opens up that much to someone she barely knows.

Here’s what I shared with her:

Instead of focusing on “why,” I suggested she focus on “what.”

Specifically, I posed this question for her to ask herself: “What are you getting from dating unavailable (still married) men?”

She looked at me like I was crazy at first and said, “Nothing! They can’t give me what I want.”

But I asked her to go deeper than that.

There is always a pay-off, even if it’s small or weird…that we are receiving when we find ourselves in a pattern.

Maybe the pay-off is that it’s familiar, so you know there is an end-point.

In her case, when she really dug in, she came up with this:

“What I’m getting is that I don’t have to put myself out there fully-opening up after being hurt so many times feels scary, so when they are married, it’s like having a part time boyfriend who only knows the bit about me that’s exciting and sexy and fun, but it’s also lonely because I know it’s not going anywhere.”

Whoa.

Lightbulb moment.

The payoff was not having to put herself out there fully…

And once she owned that’s what was going on, that was the starting place to shift that pattern.

So over to you.

What’s a pattern you notice about yourself in relationship?

What could you be getting out of it?

Share with us in the comments and if you enjoy reading stories like this and want to learn some simple but powerful tools to start breaking the pattern, check out my best-selling book, The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again in the store!

the paradox of nurturing

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Happy Wed!

If you’ve been in my world awhile you’ve heard me speak on feminine and masculine energy.

When you have two people in their masculine or two in their feminine, the energy is neutralized and it’s often at this point when people call me saying things like:

“He used to pay all this attention to me and now he treats me like a roommate…

or “We stopped having sex and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

or…”This girl I was seeing for a few dates totally went hot and cold on me.”

Not always, but often, it comes down to polarity and energy.

When it comes to romantic relationships, the thing that makes the spark stay alive is polarity, or the energy of opposites.

And contrary to what most people believe, nurturing is actually a masculine task, not a feminine energy one.

It is giving energy and when you’re giving too much, you’re setting yourself up to be put in a “neutral”/mother role vs. a partner role.

But it’s a delicate dance.

You don’t want to never nurture or give the impression that you are unemotional and uncaring.

But you also don’t want to over-nurture and end up being the “mommy.”

Today’s Q+A comes from Rachel: “Where is the line between nurturing and over-functioning in my masculine energy with a man? Is it never okay to nurture, even if my man is sick?”

Play the audio below to hear my answer:

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

what to do if he won’t stop texting…

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It’s Q+A time, where I take your questions from the community.

Have something you want me to answer for future posts? Go here to submit anonymously!

Today’s question is about communication.

NOTE: Even if you can’t relate to her particular situation, the advice shared applies to any relationship where you are feeling overwhelmed with a certain behavior from another.

Q: “I have a weird problem. This guy I’ve been seeing for three months constantly texts me. All day. Every day. I feel silly complaining about this but I really like him, but I feel this constant pressure to respond all the time, even though sometimes I really have nothing to say. I wish he would text LESS…and I’m starting to feel annoyed but I don’t want to push him away. Help!”

This isn’t a weird problem! 

It can be a delicate dance when you really love someone but the way they are choosing to communicate isn’t working for you.

A:  Less is more Goddess. Men respond to actions more than words. If you want him to text less, you can give yourself permission to not respond to every single text. He may think you expect multiple daily texts (who knows-maybe some woman in his past got mad because he didn’t do this!) so instead of having a conversation about it, which could put him on the defensive, just focus on what it is you want. Maybe it’s less texts with more substance. Or you want him to call you. A simple message like, “I miss hearing your voice baby…” mid-day could send him a clear message to call. What you respond to, you will get more of. Good luck!

Now over to you: Have you ever faced a similar situation? What advice would you share? Leave a comment below!

how to stop accepting crumbs in a relationship

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Nothing annoys me more and makes me want to do some scary Kali-Ma drumming rage dance than hearing woman after woman call me + say some version of this:

I’m okay accepting crumbs….it’s not that bad.

Oh. my. Goddess. Nooooooo!

This madness must stop and especially the day before National Self-Love Day and 2 days before the V-day, I’m not going to sugar coat it.

You will never create the type of amazing, lasting, nourishing relationship you say you want if you keep accepting crumbs.

It’s like walking by this gorgeous cake with your name on it and deliberately walking two blocks out of your way to pick up the crusty, nasty CRUMBS that some other goddess left behind as she was eating her gorgeous cake.

It’s in-sanity!

Why do we do this?

A few specific examples of how this shows up in real-life:

  • saying yes to booty calls with your ex (who you’re supposedly ‘over’) 
  • getting stood up on a date and letting the guy reschedule?! (after you text him to find out wtf happened).
  • calling your friend because you really need a friendly ear after a shitty day at work..and then letting her steer the conversation to herself for the entire call and keeping quiet about it.

No. no. no.

If this is pissing you off too, I’m doing my job.

If you are ready to retire your crumb-accepting crappy broken tiara once and for all, here are 3 behaviors you’re going to need to stop.
Stop the following-

1. Stop thinking you won’t get anything else if you reject this crappy, unacceptable option.
I call this the something-is-better-than-nothing mentality. Yes, it takes courage to walk away when you don’t have a guarantee that something else will immediately rush in to take its place. But it’s a discipline and requires a lot of self-trust and trust in more than enough.

2. Stop believing that it’s “greedy” to want more than the bare minimum and that wanting more makes you a bad person.

This usually comes from childhood and what was modeled to us around being a “good” girl. Wanting more than the minimum can feel scary but you’re going to have to shift this if you want to be treated like the Queen you are.

3. Stop letting other people dictate your standards.

Often times, it’s easier to just not have any standards, but leaves you constantly at the mercy of what other people decide. And it’s hard to attract a quality relationship when your standards are non-existent or unclear. So get some girlfriend and take  ownership of this!

The more you can stop these three behaviors, the sooner you’ll be on your way to not even notice the yucky crumbs and claim the whole damn cake.

ps: It’s likely that the pattern of accepting crumbs isn’t one that just started. And it can be easier to navigate and break when you have a partner beside you who has been through the ropes. If you’re ready to turbo-charge your results this year, private coaching can help you get there! Click here to explore coaching and book a complimentary love-assessment call with Diana.

I was so afraid of being hurt again…

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Opening your heart again after being betrayed or hurt can feel really scary.

There is this transformative energy in the air, especially with this past weekend’s Harvest Moon/lunar eclipse.

Can you feel it?

There is tremendous opportunity right now to let go of the heavy shackles that have kept you stuck from the past.

A time when karmic debts can be paid.

And a lightness into the new is inevitable.

But sometimes we can get in our own way from allowing these opportunities in.

I was speaking with a woman awhile back who shared how uncomfortable it felt to even think about opening up to a new relationship.

Even though she really was yearning for a life partner.

For the sake of privacy, let’s call her *Ann.

Ann had been taken advantage of several times before and she felt this push-pull between wanting to leap into the dating scene again after years…and just focusing on her career and not bothering.

When she asked my advice on what she could do to open her heart if she entertained the first option, here’s what I shared…

What to believe to open your heart…

It boils down to this: know + believe that you are safe.

When we don’t feel safe, we hide ourselves.

We give from a protective, limited space that says, “I don’t want to give too much in case you try to take too much or hurt me.”

It is based in a scarcity, not-enough energy and it repels the very thing you seek: love.

What can you do if you realize you’ve been operating from this space?

It basically comes down to reminding our inner Child that the grown up Goddess within you is in charge.

It’s not that you never feel afraid.

It’s that your belief that you are accepted and safe even with those fears is stronger.

In that space, when you’ve been reassuring your inner Child that you are enough.

That there is always enough of anything to go around.

That it is safe to give and receive love, and that you’ll know quickly if there’s someone that isn’t helpful to engage in relationships with.

Magic opens.

When we don’t take care of the inner kid in us, that’s when it’s easy to sabotage.

To think the Universe is not on your side, and that you have to keep your guard up all the time.

To go out with inappropriate partners.

To close yourself off from opportunities to meet new people.

To over-indulge in distractions like TV, overeating or toxic thoughts that keep you from taking action you know you need to take.

It all starts with a decision: 1) Are you willing to reassure your inner child that you will take care of it? 2) Are you willing to open your heart, even when you don’t “do it perfectly?”

If so, say YES in the comments!

ps: If you are ready to release layers of energetic blockages so that you can learn how to love yourself, open your heart and call in a soul mate partner in 2020, I would love to work with you! I’ve helped hundreds of folks to let go of their blocks and increase their self-confidence and feminine attraction energy! Next step:Go here to book a time to connect with me for a 15-min intro consultation.