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The Death of Your Single Self…

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Happy Tuesday!

I was speaking with a good friend the other day about the progression of being single, to dating again, to being in a relationship, getting engaged/making a commitment and one of the things I feel like no one really talks about is the death of your single self. 

That transition from being with yourself only… to being with yourself and another person. 

From complete and total independence…to interdependence.

There is a mourning that may need to happen in that transition that I feel gets ignored. 

A death of one identity as the new one takes shape and yo begin to navigate yourself in it, someone else!

And this isn’t just with your ‘relationship’ status.

It could be with your job. 

Or your place of residence.

It seems everyone I speak with these days is gong through some kind of death/rebirth!

It’s beautiful, it can feel messy and it will be so much more impactful if you allow yourself all the feelings that arise when going from one stage to the next.

As you’ve probably guessed by now, I don’t necessarily have a neat and tidy 5-steps to mourn your single self post for you today. 

Today is about simply opening up the conversation with yourself and exploring:

  1. Where do you feel like you are transitioning in your life?
  2. What feelings arise when you imagine releasing one identity to birth another? 
  3. What comes up for you around your current relationships and what do you fear you will lose if you merge deeper with another? 

Deep questions, yes!

I’m curious to see who actually pulls out the journal-if you are one of the brave ones, hit reply nd let me know one gem that comes up for you! 

ps: Want to take a love journey with me? Doors are officially open for 14 Days to Amplify Your Love Energy! It’s not too late to join us. Go here to sign up and I’ll make sure we get you all the things you need to hop in!

Say Thank You to it All…

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When you don’t know what else to do, say thank you. 

One of my favorite authors, Tosha Silver, talks about this a lot.

The idea that when you start to feel yourself slip into a negative mind loop, or frustration that instead of doing a thousand mantras, first get quiet and say thank you.

Thank you for the challenges.

Thank you for the guy who ghosted you after the perfect 2nd date. 

Thank you for all the weight gained.

Thank you for the anxiety you feel around your job.

Thank you for all of it.

I know it sounds crazy, but just do me a favour-give it a go for a week.

See how you feel after you voice it aloud.

“Thank you Universe for…(let ‘er rip!)”<let ‘er=”” rip!=””>

You may find that energy lightens up and things have space to move and shift. 

Q: How did it go for you? I’d love to hear how you feel by the end of the week! Share a comment if you feel guided and if you haven’t already picked up your free self-assessment: 7 Things That Are Blocking Your Heart’s Desire, click here! 

Needy, needy, needy

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Happy Tuesday!

The other day, I was speaking with a girlfriend and she was complaining about how her partner, who adores her, doesn’t like to give her shoulder or foot massages when she was tired from working-when she tried to confront hime about it, he just said it “isn’t his thing-he doesn’t like feet.”

Regardless of whether or not her partner was interested in giving her massages, I could tell they were totally in love with each other otherwise. 

Was all hope lost? she asked me. 

Not necessarily.

It just highlighted a very important value for her-physical touch.

No one person can meet every single need-that’s not realistic, nor is it healthy to expect that.

So, I invited her to explore options-was there something else that would give her the same feeling of receiving a massage from her partner? 

At first, she was resistant to the idea, and then she got quiet and said-“You know, I really just want to feel his body near me-not necessarily in a sexual way but it makes me feel calm and connected.”

So, really it wasn’t even the massage itself tat was the most important-it was the feeling of…calm and connection. 

She got creative and saw different ways she could feel that way with him that didn’t require him to give her feet a rub and also ways she could give that to herself.

Some of the things she came up with?

  • asking for him to hold her hand while she was taking a bath (not every time but once in awhile). He agreed right away!
  • for herself: turning off her electronics an hour before bed and getting a weighted blanket
  • listening to sounds of the ocean as she wrapped up her work day and slipping into fuzzy socks
  • touching feet under the dinner table while talking about their day. Another easy win for him and her!

The fun part was hearing about how much more intimate their relationship felt even after a week of just making a few tweaks.

And what made me laugh out loud was that he bought her a foot and leg assuage thing to use whenever she wanted! (and I’m sure would agree to hold her hand while she used it!)

The takeaway here is two-fold:

  1. When you get creative with discovering the feeling you are desiring behind a need, it’s way easier to come up with ways to get those needs met.
  2. When you take ownership of your needs and stop assuming one person to be your need–machine, they are more likely to step up to want to make you happy!

Q: What is one need that has been calling to you to address? What is one creative way you could get the same feeling? Share with us!