the paradox of nurturing

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Happy Wed!

If you’ve been in my world awhile you’ve heard me speak on feminine and masculine energy.

When you have two people in their masculine or two in their feminine, the energy is neutralized and it’s often at this point when people call me saying things like:

“He used to pay all this attention to me and now he treats me like a roommate…

or “We stopped having sex and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

or…”This girl I was seeing for a few dates totally went hot and cold on me.”

Not always, but often, it comes down to polarity and energy.

When it comes to romantic relationships, the thing that makes the spark stay alive is polarity, or the energy of opposites.

And contrary to what most people believe, nurturing is actually a masculine task, not a feminine energy one.

It is giving energy and when you’re giving too much, you’re setting yourself up to be put in a “neutral”/mother role vs. a partner role.

But it’s a delicate dance.

You don’t want to never nurture or give the impression that you are unemotional and uncaring.

But you also don’t want to over-nurture and end up being the “mommy.”

Today’s Q+A comes from Rachel: “Where is the line between nurturing and over-functioning in my masculine energy with a man? Is it never okay to nurture, even if my man is sick?”

Play the audio below to hear my answer:

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

what to do if he won’t stop texting…

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It’s Q+A time, where I take your questions from the community.

Have something you want me to answer for future posts? Go here to submit anonymously!

Today’s question is about communication.

NOTE: Even if you can’t relate to her particular situation, the advice shared applies to any relationship where you are feeling overwhelmed with a certain behavior from another.

Q: “I have a weird problem. This guy I’ve been seeing for three months constantly texts me. All day. Every day. I feel silly complaining about this but I really like him, but I feel this constant pressure to respond all the time, even though sometimes I really have nothing to say. I wish he would text LESS…and I’m starting to feel annoyed but I don’t want to push him away. Help!”

This isn’t a weird problem! 

It can be a delicate dance when you really love someone but the way they are choosing to communicate isn’t working for you.

A:  Less is more Goddess. Men respond to actions more than words. If you want him to text less, you can give yourself permission to not respond to every single text. He may think you expect multiple daily texts (who knows-maybe some woman in his past got mad because he didn’t do this!) so instead of having a conversation about it, which could put him on the defensive, just focus on what it is you want. Maybe it’s less texts with more substance. Or you want him to call you. A simple message like, “I miss hearing your voice baby…” mid-day could send him a clear message to call. What you respond to, you will get more of. Good luck!

Now over to you: Have you ever faced a similar situation? What advice would you share? Leave a comment below!

how to stop accepting crumbs in a relationship

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Nothing annoys me more and makes me want to do some scary Kali-Ma drumming rage dance than hearing woman after woman call me + say some version of this:

I’m okay accepting crumbs….it’s not that bad.

Oh. my. Goddess. Nooooooo!

This madness must stop and especially the day before National Self-Love Day and 2 days before the V-day, I’m not going to sugar coat it.

You will never create the type of amazing, lasting, nourishing relationship you say you want if you keep accepting crumbs.

It’s like walking by this gorgeous cake with your name on it and deliberately walking two blocks out of your way to pick up the crusty, nasty CRUMBS that some other goddess left behind as she was eating her gorgeous cake.

It’s in-sanity!

Why do we do this?

A few specific examples of how this shows up in real-life:

  • saying yes to booty calls with your ex (who you’re supposedly ‘over’) 
  • getting stood up on a date and letting the guy reschedule?! (after you text him to find out wtf happened).
  • calling your friend because you really need a friendly ear after a shitty day at work..and then letting her steer the conversation to herself for the entire call and keeping quiet about it.

No. no. no.

If this is pissing you off too, I’m doing my job.

If you are ready to retire your crumb-accepting crappy broken tiara once and for all, here are 3 behaviors you’re going to need to stop.
Stop the following-

1. Stop thinking you won’t get anything else if you reject this crappy, unacceptable option.
I call this the something-is-better-than-nothing mentality. Yes, it takes courage to walk away when you don’t have a guarantee that something else will immediately rush in to take its place. But it’s a discipline and requires a lot of self-trust and trust in more than enough.

2. Stop believing that it’s “greedy” to want more than the bare minimum and that wanting more makes you a bad person.

This usually comes from childhood and what was modeled to us around being a “good” girl. Wanting more than the minimum can feel scary but you’re going to have to shift this if you want to be treated like the Queen you are.

3. Stop letting other people dictate your standards.

Often times, it’s easier to just not have any standards, but leaves you constantly at the mercy of what other people decide. And it’s hard to attract a quality relationship when your standards are non-existent or unclear. So get some girlfriend and take  ownership of this!

The more you can stop these three behaviors, the sooner you’ll be on your way to not even notice the yucky crumbs and claim the whole damn cake.

ps: It’s likely that the pattern of accepting crumbs isn’t one that just started. And it can be easier to navigate and break when you have a partner beside you who has been through the ropes. If you’re ready to turbo-charge your results this year, private coaching can help you get there! Click here to explore coaching and book a complimentary love-assessment call with Diana.

Feb 2020 Goddess Guidance Oracle Message

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Key words for the month: compromise. collaboration. passion. partnership!

Feb is Self Love month, so any opportunity you can create for yourself that is nourishing and feeds you on an emotional and spiritual level will only benefit you.

If you’re new to my community, welcome!

Every first week of the month, I share a Goddess Guidance message video.

Grab a paper and pen and enjoy!

After you watch, share with me in the comments:
Q: What card spoke to you the most? What are you most excited about for Feb?

ps: New to the page? Go here to grab your free gift: 7 Goddess Secrets to Up Your Confidence Now!

3 tips to help you manage your emotions when you’re doing something that scares you

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Have you felt called to do something that scares you this year?

Maybe it’s to start dating again.

Or to end a dead-end relationship.

Or to be brave and say what you really need.

Anytime we embark on a new journey, or make a different choice other than the one that feels safe and comfortable, shit is going to get kicked up.

It just comes with the territory.

But you don’t have to let it stop you.

Here is my go-to list of 3 things you can do to manage the emotions that arise when you’re about to do something that scares you.

1) Breathe…from your belly.

Yes, that sounds very simple but when we come from fear, we are usually breathing very shallow from our chest and we make poor decisions.

It takes just a minute to get conscious, slow down and imagine you are blowing up a really tough balloon. Place your hands on your tummy as it expands and slowly exhale. Repeat 3X. 

2) Heart ‘Tapping’ 

Take your index and middle finger and lightly tap the soft spot near your breastbone.

Say anything you’re feeling or thinking unfiltered as you do so.

Ex: “I feel really f—-in scared, what if I mess up,” (all while gently tapping that point).

Get it all out there and when you feel complete say, “Even though I feel all of that, I still deeply and completely love and accept myself.” Release the tapping. Notice how awesome you feel. 

3) Affirm: “I’m growing and that’s a great thing.”
Anytime we feel nervous, giddy, weird but we know we are taking an important step towards something that’s going to move us forward, having an affirmation to say or to see can calm your mind. It reminds you that it’s a normal part of the process, instead of an excuse to stop. 

The more you can use these 3 tips when you’re feeling scared, the easier it will be to keep going, surprise and delight yourself!

Q: Which one of these 3 tips will you implement this week in your life?

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Share with me in the comments and you would like a partner to support you in turbo-charging your results, go here to explore private coaching.