An easy script for getting your needs met (esp. with “difficult” people)

Let’s face it.

People can be ehem…difficult sometimes.

Communication can get challenging especially if you tend to be the one to stuff your feelings until it gets really really unbearable and then you explode.

I used to be that type and it just never really worked, so I had to find a new way!

Whether it’s in the workplace with a boss or client, or in the home with a family member, girlfriend or lover, it’s important to feel like you’re getting your needs met in a healthy way. 

This builds self-confidence, self-respect and also opens you up to take creative risks because you trust yourself.

I’d like to share a 4-step process that my clients have used to express themselves successfully even when speaking with some of the most power-driven, type-A intimidating types.

#1 Pinpoint the issue or challenge in a simple way. 

Use “us/we” vs. “you” 

Example: In friendships…

“I noticed that it’s been difficult to find a time to us to connect, even when we set a time.”

#2 State what you need with little to no emotion

(prep work: actually write down what your needs are and what you’d like to see change. This focuses your energy so you take the emotion out of it when you have the conversation).

NOTE: Go for what you really really want/need vs. the bare minimum you’d settle for or you think you can get. This is important! You are important! It’s about being clear and directive with yourself vs defensive and reactive.

“I’d really love for us to speak at least once a month uninterrupted, even if it’s just for 15 minutes and make our friendship a priority, even though life gets crazy.”

#3 Re-direct it back to them: 

Ask, “What do you think?” 

This takes the energy loop back full circle and helps the person feel included in the decision or solution which is always a good thing! Often times, they may have additional information or suggestions that come out once you state your needs and what you want to see. 

“What do you think about that?” 

#4 Last step: Listen, take in what they say and together you’ll most likely find a simple solution that makes it a win: win for both parties involved!

With practice, this becomes second-nature and you’ll be one step closer to getting what you want, without manipulation or weirdness!

This week’s Soul question: Have you ever had to communicate something you needed to a person who was challenging you? What did you do and what worked? Share with us in the comments below!

credit: peek-photography.nyc

credit: peek-photography.nyc

ps: Want to become exceptional at communicating confidently in your relationships? Click here to book a private session where we will uncover your key blocks to communicating and I can help you put together the words that help you feel respected and loved!

3-step Relationship Ritual to Call in the New

You may have heard of “the list.”

Make a list of the things you want in a man/woman and go to town trying to manifest.

That doesn’t always work and I want to share why and what you can do to make a list that actually helps you call in the new!

Maybe it’s a new love interest.

Maybe it’s a new friend.

Maybe it’s a new business partnership.

Regardless of what type of relationship you’re wanting to improve, this ritual works.

In this video you will learn:

  • The real reason why traditional “lists” don’t work (and make you believe that Law of Attraction stuff is a bunch of crap-o-la)
  • How your exes actually help you call in the new (you’ll learn a tangible To-Do to tweak that list once and for all…and no it doesn’t involve calling them!)
  • How to ramp up your energy and learn of an opportunity to use this Full Moon to your advantage if you choose!

After you watch, be sure to post a comment to the question below and check out this week-only Full Moon reading/healing invitation!

***

 

Q: What is one of your top qualities in a relationship that came out of this exercise? Do you have any tips that have helped you in calling in the new and releasing the old? share with us!

Full Moon Reading Special: Ready for some Full Moon healing and clarity?

10 spots only! Click here.

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credit: peek-photography.nyc

credit: peek-photography.nyc

Summer Dating Tips Part 1

summer-wallpaper-hdSummer can be overwhelming and also fun, especially if you’re single.

There’s something about the sunshine that can heighten that desire to be close to someone special, to feel sexy and to play!

It’s the perfect time to get back in the swing of dating again, no matter how many times you’ve been hurt before.

So, for the next 3 weeks, I want to share 3 dating-specific tips that can you navigate the dating waters without wanting to run for cover. 

These are tips that I’ve implemented and tested out with my clients and in my own dating life that resulted in me recovering from intense heartbreak and getting back on the horse, Goddess-style!

Dating…. Goddess Style Tip #1: Spread the love!

In short, date multiple people at one time.

Pack your schedule with dates without attachment.

This one sounds so very simple but it can be hard if you just came out of a relationship and are generally a one-woman, one-man kind of Soul. 

When you go out with different people in a short amount of time, there are several important benefits:

  1. You avoid pouring all your emotional energy into one person that quite frankly, hasn’t yet earned your trust and heart yet! You just met them! 
  2. Even if you feel a strong connection on one date with a certain person, there’s always more to uncover about their intentions and non-negotiables before you get emotionally (and physically) invested. 
  3. You get to “try on” your energy with theirs! It’s like trying on a dress. It may be Gucci but no matter which way you put it on, it may never hug your hips the right way and that’s fine! Next! 

A true tale of 4 men

One woman I know had scheduled 4 dates with 4 different men in one week to test this theory out. 

She had a blast going out to dinner, coffees, ice cream and even mini golf.

Some she had a nice connection with. Others bored her to tears but she simply went to experience herself with someone new.

She was dating Goddess style.

The result?

Now she’s dating one of the four who got tired of competing for her time and attention and he treats her like a Goddess as he should!

And she even got a text from one of the other men saying, “If it doesn’t work out with this guy you’re committing to, please call me. You’re awesome!”

(Who wouldn’t love to receive that?!)

*Note: I get asked by women all the time, 

Q: “Isn’t that MEAN to date multiple people? I feel guilty for dating more than one man at a time.”

My blunt-big sister-meets wingwoman answer to them? 

1) Men do it all the time. It’s not mean. It just is. Stop assigning meaning to everything!

2) I said DATE, not have sex with multiple people at once. As in…simply go out and experience their energy with yours in a no-pressure setting. See if you like who you become when you’re with them and what they spark in you! It’s an experiment not an iron-clad contract. 

3) Wouldn’t you feel better knowing that if you didn’t vibe with one person, you knew you had a date with someone totally different who thinks you’re attractive the next day? 

There is power in numbers, Goddess. 

Q: Have you ever dated multiple people at once? What has your experience been like? Any tips? Share with us in the comments!

This week’s dating challenge: Spread the love, schedule the love!

This week, see if you can fill up your calendar with at least TWO dates over the next 2 weeks. Some quick ideas for you: Ask your friends to set you up. Go on a blind date that your co-worker keeps mentioning. Flirt  with the cashier at the checkout counter (more on that later if you’re looking at me like I just said something totally inappropriate and crazy) Join a free dating site like OkCupid.com. Again, this is an experiment. The worst you can do is NOTHING. What have you got to lose?

Want MORE free tips to help you navigate your life?

Click here for my FREE training on manifesting and un-blocking!

he kept pulling me in emotionally

Have you ever had something just take you way off your center?

It’s New Moon week and with New fabulous beginnings also comes those moments where life tests you to see how far you’ve really come.

Old people from the past show up and you get to resolve something.

Old issues resurface and you get to make a different choice than you would have before and it all turns out awesome, even though it scares you.

Old ways of responding are up for debate and you can surprise yourself!

Can I share something super personal with you today?

True confession.

I’ve been healing from a major breakup.

All the emotional ups and downs that come with it.

And recently, the ex contacted me via text to tell me he loved me.

That he was sorry for bothering me.

(I asked that he limit contact so we can both heal and move on)

When he did this in the past, I always got pulled into an emotional drama and would be a total mess.

So when I saw the number pop up on my phone my initial response was, ugh!!!

And at first, my guard was totally up and I just said something curt like, “That’s nice.Take care.” (Take THAT annoying man who can’t make up his mind Ego-induced victory!)

But because this is New Moon week and I’m a big fan of fresh starts and Soul growth, I decided to do something different.

But the truth was my heart hurt.

Like physically hurt.

I could barely breathe. My throat closed up and I just felt a mix of churning in my stomach.

This is what a broken heart feels like, but more than that, it’s what a closed heart feels like.

In my efforts to guard my emotions, I had left out the most important ingredient: the Truth.

So I did something I never do in a break up.

I stopped pretending that I felt strong and ‘together’ and ‘over it.’

I broke all the ‘rules’ that say you should just block their calls, etc.

Somehow this moment felt like it warranted something different.

I texted him back and said something to the effect of: “I know this is hard. I love you too. I feel a wall around my heart and it hurts but I’m just doing the best I can to move on. I’ll let down the wall again when I’m ready and I want to but for now, it’s shut. Goodnight.”

His reply? 

“I love you so much. I’m so sorry. Goodnight.”

We had a beautiful exchange.

And the best part? I didn’t leave in a heap of tears like I usually would have.

Why?

I do my best to practice what I preach. 

I had made sure that before I replied to that text, I was out of my heart space and I took myself down the energetic elevator to my Knowing. My intuitive center. Where my Spirit was in control, not my head or my Ego.

Want to learn how to do that? I’m sharing it all with brave souls next week…if you feel guided to dive in with me.

http://www.urintuitive.com/intuition-101.html

There was no expectation for anything other than acknowledging a moment of Truth.

I love you.

I’m hurting.

I feel this.

That’s it.

And in that moment, I felt free.

Free from the mental prison and the energy it takes to sustain a facade of the heart.

Is it the end of the story?

I don’t know yet. It’s the end of a chapter.

But I know that moving on comes in phases.

And to authentically move on, it requires that we let go of our Ego’s need to control our heart.

It’s about integration.

It’s about self-love and self-trust and certainly, self-worth.

It’s never about knowing the full story. Or having a guarantee. Life just isn’t set up that way in my humble opinion.

But it doesn’t have to be so freakin hard.

For those of you who know you have a hard time staying out of your heart space or getting tangled up in other peoples’ crap, I’d love to invite you to my upcoming intuition course: 

Intuition 101: Mastering the Art of Decision-Making and More!

It starts next week and you will leave the 5 weeks armed with intuitive tools you can use for a lifetime.

http://www.urintuitive.com/intuition-101.html

I know what it feels like to live out of integrity with your intuition.

To live from just your head (everything feels HARD!)

To operate just from your heart (everything feels OVERWHELMING and CONFUSING!)

And most of all, I know that there is another way that combines the best of your brilliant logic, your huge heart space and your intuition. 

If you want to learn, I’m here to show you and take you deeper into my world!

http://www.urintuitive.com/intuition-101.html

It all goes down April 27!

And if you got nothing else out of this email, remember this:

Life isn’t about escaping pain. It’s about letting it take you deeper into yourself so you can show up as the authentic, amazing person that you know you are! <– CLICK TO TWEET

You are loved!

Q: Have you ever surprised yourself with how you handled a difficult exchange? What happened and what helped you get through it? Share in the comments below!

Thanks so much for reading this and have a fabulous New Moon week!

Love,

Diana

do you ever feel like you’re not heard? this could be why

  • Do you wish you could feel more heard or appreciated?
  • Do you feel like you’re always the one giving in a relationship and never getting anything back?
  • Do you wonder what you’re doing wrong?

If you answered YES to any of those questions, you’re definitely not alone.

And you’re not wrong for wanting to feel validated or heard.

Or to get as much as you’re putting out back from the people you care about.

This is something I used to struggle with a lot, especially in various jobs I held in the past.

It seemed like the more I gave, the more depleted I felt.

The more I tried to be compassionate and listen to other people’s issues, the more confused and tangled I felt at the end of the day, even if I started out feeling super bubbly and happy.

Which made me feel angry and resentful and confused because I didn’t want to stop being a “nice” person.

Why did this keep happening?

credit: peek-photography.nyc

credit: peek-photography.nyc

What I learned: 

I was/am empathic.

My sensitivity to the emotions and feelings of other people is a gift, but it’s a gift that is my job to MANAGE.

So that it doesn’t run me.

What was happening is that I was connecting with everyone I met from a heart space.

This did a few things:

  1. It made me very easy to talk to and I learned a lot about people in a short amount of time because they felt safe and heard around me.
  2. I didn’t yet understand that I could be compassionate and caring without always operating  from a heart-space. (what other space WAS there?)
  3. Being in my heart space all the time made it very easy for me to mesh emotional energies with whoever I was around. It was like our wires got crossed and the result was a crazy web of colors and strings that weren’t even mine, but that now were on my radar, coloring my thoughts, feelings and moods. I felt out of control and annoyed!

In a nutshell, what I had to learn to stop being the emotional doormat empath was to train myself to go in and out of my heart-space into other energetic spaces so that I could be there for myself and others without going into crazy mixing/matching/meshing land!

Q: Have you ever felt overrun by the emotions of other people? What has helped YOU to manage this? Share with us in the comments below!

 

ps: Would you like to learn how to get out of your heart space and into greater balance?

The Top 3 Pitfalls To Avoid in

If so, RSVP here for my upcoming free community training call, “Top 3 Pitfalls to Avoid in Decision-Making!” (recording available if you can’t make it live).