Posts
How to Put Yourself Together After a Breakup
Happy Tuesday!
Today, I’m taking your questions from the community.
And we are talking about… breakups.
Q: “Diana, I’ve just broken up with a man I thought I was going to marry. I feel so confused and lost and I just need to get myself together. but I don’t even know where to start. I Don’t want to burden my girlfriends as they are probably tired of hearing my sob stories. Help!”
A: Thank you for writing!
Breakups can be so painful and get us to question our very existence, worth and lovability.
But they don’t have to break you. Here are three things you can do as you move through this difficult time.
1. Stop expecting everyday to be the same. Embrace your emotional cycles.
So often we think, okay, I’ve purged them from my phone. I’ve put myself back on the dating apps. I’ve thrown out all the gifts they gave. I am having a great day and I’m over it… and then the next day you feel triggered by something and then start beating yourself up. Stop. A breakup is a death, it’s a transition and the more you can embrace your emotions and stop expecting them to be the same day to day, the easier it will be to ride the wave to the other side.
2. Make a list of all the things that annoyed you in the relationship. Keep it somewhere you can see it often.
Quirks. Things maybe you couldn’t do because they didn’t like it, etc. After the initial shock of the breakup wears off, whether you are the one who initiated or not, it’s easy to go into idealising the other person’s best traits and to only think about the good times and benefits. But this keeps you stuck. When you put the relationship on a pedestal, that hyper focus can make it much easier to keep playing out everything Iver and over again and driving you crazy. When you’re feeling weak, read your list or better yet, record and audio on your phone of you reciting the list and play it often! It will help you stay present.
3. Connect with your body.
Taking care of yourself can feel challenging when you are in the throes of. a breakup. But committing to listening to your body and paying attention to it is so important for your healing. Take a walk. Dance. Give yourself a soothing foot rub before bed. Breathe deeply and create some white space in your day to just be. If the thought seems unnerving, ask it, “Body, what would you like to share with me?” And then free write for a page and see what comes out! It may seem silly but body truth can help you uncover your feelings, release stuck emotions and thoughts and keep things moving forward, even when your heart is hurting.
Going through a break up is not easy. But by taking the steps above, you can move through the transition with greater ease and grace!
Q: What has helped you move through a break up? Share with us in the comments!
How to Say No With Grace
Have you ever struggled with saying no?
The whole ‘No is a complete sentence’ sounds great but in practice, if you’re at all empathic or a recovering people pleaser, it can be the hardest single syllable to get out.
So, today I’d love to share some insights on this whole saying NO with the intent that it helps you stand in your Truth when you are on a date, receive a request from family or friends and even at work.
The more you can dial into ‘saying No is not a dirty word,’ the prouder you will feel when you reclaim your time and energy.
Nugget 1: When you say No to one thing, you say Yes to something else.
Think about it. It’s all a question of priorities. When you free yourself up from something that isn’t in alignment, you are saying Yes to something else that is, even if that thing hasn’t shown up. When I first learned this, it made it way easier to say no. So, if you struggle with it, ask yourself, “What would I be saying YES to by saying NO to this request?” Then, check yourself and see if that excites you!
Nugget 2: You have to be willing to receive a No as much as say a No.
Oooo this one really can mess with your head. Read it again. If you were brought up to always say yes, to put your needs last and to please others as a way of feeling worthy and deserving, then the absolute worst thing you can do is potentially disappoint someone with a “No.” If you say yes to things you don’t want to do in order to get approval or validation long enough, it can feel like the end of the world who you muster the courage to ask something of someone else and they say… NO! It can feel like a personal rejection, when really, they are just honouring their Truth. So, notice if you have strong emotions that come up when someone says No to you. Reframe that and when you can create space for hearing ‘no’ from others, it can become easier to say ‘no’ yourself. Because it’s not a prison attack or a symbol of how worthy/unworthy you are. It’s just how you or someone else feels. Respect it yo!
Nugget 3: Keep some ‘No’ alternatives in your back pocket
If you aren’t used to saying No and you’re asked to respond to a request on the spot, here are a few phrases you can pull out in case a simple “No” doesn’t naturally roll off your tongue:
- “That’s an interesting idea. Let me sit with it and get back to you.” (This buys you time so you can process how you actually feel when you aren’t under pressure.)
- “I can’t give this the attention it deserves given my current commitments but I appreciate you thinking of me.” (Clear and respectful of both parties.)
- “I’m flattered you asked, but I’m going to have to pass this time.” (Short and sweet)
The more you practice saying “no” when you mean “no,” the easier it will feel to say “yes” when it’s a full body YES!
And everyone benefits because there’s nothing better than being in the company of someone who is totally present and excited to be there.
Q: Which of the three nuggets will you experiment with this week? What has helped you say No even when it’s hard? Share with us in the comments!
Ps: If you struggle with saying ‘No’ and want to learn more specific strategies to build up that muscle, consider private coaching! Go here to book a complimentary intro call with Diana.
How to Deal with Nosy People
Happy Tuesday!
Have you ever been on a weird first date, work or family function where people start asking you inappropriate questions?
They may come completely out of nowhere and catch you off guard.
If you’re at all empathetic, you may be very attuned to other people’s feelings and have a hard time setting boundaries when faced with an unexpected question you just don’t want to answer!
This could be anything from, “Why aren’t you married yet?” to “How much did you pay for that new car you got?”
Or one or my favorites for first dates: “So… how long have you been on (insert dating app). Why are you still single?”
Ugh!
So annoying, right?
Click here to hear my A to this Q!
ps: Healthy boundaries start with healthy self-love. Not sure how to do that? No fear! Check out 60 Seconds to Self Love: super short, actionable tips you can apply now to start building that self-love confidence!
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
