This situation came up that I wanted to share with you because I have a feeling more of you may be experiencing some version of this.
Q: “He’s always texting me last minute to get together. When I share something that’s important to me, he changes the subject…or doesn’t reply at all. It makes me feel like crap and like I’m not important. This pattern has started trickling over to friends too. I feel like I’m always the one listening and dropping things to be there for them but it’s rarely reciprocated. What’s going on?”
A: We all want to feel special and lie we are a priority.
One of the first things I ask a private client in my relationship practice is to have them write out their daily and weekly schedule.
So…although it may seem like I’m not answering the question, step one is to:
#1: Look at your schedule.
#2: What’s on there?
Do it start by being reactivity to other people’s demands and desires of you?
Or are you intentionally creating space to start your day in a way that priorities your self-care, metal health and physical well-being?
If you’re like most of us, the first thing you do is grab your phone, check emails and scroll Instagram.
Then, maybe you have breakfast after you answer that text.
Or hopping on a Zoom call and bumping your Pilates class to the afternoon (which you never seem to make).
Or listening to a friend drone on and on about the same guy issues that she never seems to take your advice on and you skip your morning meditation in the name of ‘being a good friend.’
It may seem insignificant, and these small choices over time become routines and habits.
And when you routinely put yourself last and are in reaction to everything around you, work, kids, friends, lover, date, etc, you are never fully grounded.
And essentially, you are saying that 1) you are okay not being a priority and 2) you are constantly at the mercy of your circumstances.
Neither inspires a man (or a friend, or anyone) to put you first if you yourself won’t.
I know this is a bit of a tough love reminder-it’s the to get real with yourself.
If you want to be the priority.
If you want to be cherished, adored and seen?
Start by looking at your schedule and noticing where you can make some adjustments to your day so that you are positions yourself as the Queen you are.
- put your phone on silent or off until you’ve eaten breakfast
- set a reminder on your phone at the end of your day to review the most important tasks to get done the next day, focus on those 3 things first so you’re not spinning your wheels in the morning.
- get up 30 min earlier and listen to a mediation or go for a walk.
- have a set time when you will check and respond to messages (this one’s hard but if you’re checking and responding to everything as soon as it comes in, you are in reaction mode and even paring that down to 5-6 time a day can change your life!)
- sign up for an exercise class and enlist a friend for extra accountability.
- prep your food the night before.
- pick out your outfit the night before.
Q: What is one thing you can tweak to your schedule so that you are making yourself a priority?
The more you do this and stick with it, the more you will find other around you start treating you like one too!
Ready to tap into your Personal Power? Join me for the new course, 11 Days to Awaken Your Personal Power starting on 11:11! Click here.
For more, check out my book The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again for more stories and exercises of how you can trust your intuition and love yourself!