this is embarassing… but i want to share it with you
Have you ever noticed something about yourself that you were embarrassed to see or admit?
Yea…that happened to me this past weekend and I’d love to share my story with you with the intent that it helps you see where you could be tripping yourself up in your own relationships.
You’ll also get 3 spiritual gems to help you navigate your own shifts right now and rock it out!
Sound good?
It’s about love, seeing how your thoughts create your reality and being bold (even when you’re uncomfortable as hell!).
My Story: Out of Towners
My man let me know that he’d be leading this big convention all weekend which was fine with me, since I was going to be out of town too.
He let me know ahead of time that he probably wouldn’t have time to talk much, but that he’d text me to say hi everyday.
Well, that was all well and good…until what I call my NeedyNelly-Diana showed up.
It started bothering me that I just got a text here and a text there from him (even though he already told me this would be the case!).
They were sweet ones-I miss you, I love you, I had so much fun today with the convention but I miss you…
But in my head, I created a whole other backstory to those messages.
Have you ever done that?
Instead of framing it as “Wow, that’s awesome I heard from him. I love that he took the time out a very busy weekend to think about me” my mind translated it to:
“I’m just an afterthought. He’s just doing this out of obligation. He doesn’t care about me. I am not important. I am not special. I’m so mad at him! How could he do this to me?”
So I snipped back with passive aggressive responses about not being sure I “had time” to see him when we got back on Monday as we had planned…and on and on it went until it took on a life of its own.
The poor man was so confused. I just stewed.
Yea…not my finest moment, but that’s where my mind was at.
And I literally made myself sick and mentally/emotionally drained with these thoughts for the next few days!
Why do we do this to ourselves?!
I woke up with a crick in my neck and I couldn’t turn my head one way or the other without howling in pain (the neck represents flexibility…..that was a no-brainer to figure out!)
My chest and heart area was incredibly heavy and I found it hard to breathe deeply (heartache).
And my sleep patterns were way off, making me cranky and confused.
The solution was right in my hands, it’s always in our hands.
But I couldn’t see it : admit the truth….first to myself. Then to him.
Some of my truths:
:: It was bringing up some deep seated fears around not being important or seen. Those felt super uncomfortable…
:: I was feeling lonely and needy and envious of the convention and the time it took away from us being able to see each other.
:: I was having a hard time being at peace with just myself..
and the core of it all was…
I missed him.
And I couldn’t deal with the emotions it brought up within me…without making it all about him and why he was to blame for what I felt…
That was embarrassing.
You can be strong and vulnerable. That is the Goddess way. It’s not an either/or proposition. TWEET THAT!
After all, I pride myself on being an independent, strong woman who genuinely enjoys my own company.
I’m not used to “missing my man” after being apart for just a few days…maybe because I was just never with the right one before!
And even when we talked and he came over on Monday all mature and ready to “resolve what came up this weekend” (That pissed me off too! I was supposed to be the ‘together’ one!) I was still holding onto a lot of my internal walls.
And he called me on it.
With love, but he did.
I started to cry.
Once the ice melted, I shared with him exactly what I just shared with you above and all was well.
We smoothed out a lot of miscommunications.
We came up with a game plan of “out-of-town” etiquette that made sense and I even gave him permission to tell me that I was about to board “crazy needy Train” before it derailed us.
The best part? My breathing calmed. And my neck felt way better.
In short: 3 GEMS
- Tell the truth, even when it is embarrassing, weird or scary. The truth will set you (and your body free!)
- Your relationships will be stronger when you let yourself be vulnerable. It’s okay…really it is.
- You are fabulous…and not perfect. And that’s exactly what life is about. Navigating through the imperfections and loving yourself anyway….
Over to YOU: Which one of the 3 gems above sound like you this week? Post it in the comments below!
ps: Want to make 2016 your best year ever? I am taking on just a handful of private clients next year to help you bust out past your internal blocks + be a magnet for soul mate love and massive success!
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