An easy script for getting your needs met (esp. with “difficult” people)

Let’s face it.

People can be ehem…difficult sometimes.

Communication can get challenging especially if you tend to be the one to stuff your feelings until it gets really really unbearable and then you explode.

I used to be that type and it just never really worked, so I had to find a new way!

Whether it’s in the workplace with a boss or client, or in the home with a family member, girlfriend or lover, it’s important to feel like you’re getting your needs met in a healthy way. 

This builds self-confidence, self-respect and also opens you up to take creative risks because you trust yourself.

I’d like to share a 4-step process that my clients have used to express themselves successfully even when speaking with some of the most power-driven, type-A intimidating types.

#1 Pinpoint the issue or challenge in a simple way. 

Use “us/we” vs. “you” 

Example: In friendships…

“I noticed that it’s been difficult to find a time to us to connect, even when we set a time.”

#2 State what you need with little to no emotion

(prep work: actually write down what your needs are and what you’d like to see change. This focuses your energy so you take the emotion out of it when you have the conversation).

NOTE: Go for what you really really want/need vs. the bare minimum you’d settle for or you think you can get. This is important! You are important! It’s about being clear and directive with yourself vs defensive and reactive.

“I’d really love for us to speak at least once a month uninterrupted, even if it’s just for 15 minutes and make our friendship a priority, even though life gets crazy.”

#3 Re-direct it back to them: 

Ask, “What do you think?” 

This takes the energy loop back full circle and helps the person feel included in the decision or solution which is always a good thing! Often times, they may have additional information or suggestions that come out once you state your needs and what you want to see. 

“What do you think about that?” 

#4 Last step: Listen, take in what they say and together you’ll most likely find a simple solution that makes it a win: win for both parties involved!

With practice, this becomes second-nature and you’ll be one step closer to getting what you want, without manipulation or weirdness!

This week’s Soul question: Have you ever had to communicate something you needed to a person who was challenging you? What did you do and what worked? Share with us in the comments below!

credit: peek-photography.nyc

ps: Want to become exceptional at communicating confidently in your relationships? Click here to book a private session where we will uncover your key blocks to communicating and I can help you put together the words that help you feel respected and loved!