are you ready to stop ‘effort-ing’ so much?

Awhile back I was listening to the fabulous Kyle Cease riff on this idea of less effort, time and other gems.

But what struck me the most was when he shared how as a society we have gotten so addicted to filling our minds and our schedules with meaningless activities.

Basically ‘fillers’ so we don’t have to be still and actually listen to the whispers of our heart.

Oh snap! Guilty…

Cue endless brain-cell killing episodes of Love is Blind on Netflix…

Taking it a step further, I invite you to consider this-where do you mindlessly fill your time and schedule with these “fillers?”

When it comes to relationships, a big complaint I hear from both men and women is…

 “I’m not getting what I need from them (partner/lover, etc). How can I get them to give me more and pay more attention to me?”

A: Sure, naturally I want to share with you….shift your focus away from what you’re not receiving and focus on what you are, but even deeper than that…

<drumroll please>

Be a safe space to receive…

This is from Kyle Cease-I can’t take credit for it but it’s brilliant.

The more you grasp and cling to a particular thing, anything really, the faster it goes away.

Because you’re not a safe place to come to when you’re grasping and needy.

Instead, be a safe space to receive…some ways to be that?

  • Practice exceptional self-care. 

You can’t expect someone to give you what you aren’t willing to give yourself.

  • Be ruthless around how you use your time.

Go back to the fillers question-how could eliminating just one of your fillers free up blank space in your head, your heart, your day? 

Time is the only thing you can never get back, so if you’re busy filling it with crap so you don’t have to be still, there is no space to receive anything…

  • Discipline yourself to wait for an answer when it’s time vs. going after immediate anxiety-provoked gratification.

If you have a question, let it linger. Meditate on it. Let it go. Trust that when you’re meant to know, you will!

Q: Which one of these “receiver” tips will you implement this week? Share with me in the comments!

ps: Want to slow your roll? Check out my popular guided meditations in the store! 

on dating multiple people-good idea or not?

Have you ever had friends or even a coach tell you to date more than one person at the same time?

If you tend to be someone who is a one-person-kinda-goddess, this dating tip can feel weird or off-putting.

But when you understand the right way to do it, it can actually help you increase your chances of attracting a quality relationship. 

Without feeling icky or inauthentic, which is key!

Watch here or prefer to read? Scroll down!

1. Stay objective

Dating multiple people at once helps you get to know whether or not you have compatible values, relationship goals and how you feel about yourself when you are with them…without getting so emotionally attached to one before you know who they actually are!

Now, notice I said dating multiple people, not sleeping with multiple people.

In this sense, dating meaning going out, having conversations and getting to know each other.

2. Commit for the right reasons

Putting all your energy into one person or sleeping with someone too early before you know where they stand in relation to what you truly want can muddy the waters and make you attach prematurely and for the wrong reasons.

Getting to know multiple people can help you sift through what you truly want and make sure you are moving towards a shared goal together. And if it’s not right, it’s easier to move on! 

3. Honesty is key.

Until you have an exclusive arrangement (which is a conversation you both have with each other), you are not obligated to share that you are seeing other people. Particularly if you are not being physically intimate with anyone.

However, if you want to disclose that, that is totally up to you. If asked, and you want to say something, you could say, “I’m getting to know a few people right now and when exclusivity is discussed with anyone, of course that will change things.”

The more you can follow these 3 principles, the more you can increase your chances of picking the right person to move forward with!

Q: Which principle spoke to you the most? Share by leaving a comment here and make sure you grab your free gift: 7 Goddess Secrets to Up Your Confidence Now! www.dianadorell.com

Are you ready to feel safe to express yourself?
Join Awaken: 21 Days To Embrace Your Inner Goddess!
www.dianadorell.com/awaken2020

Your June Goddess Guidance Oracle message is inside!

Happy June!

Wohooo! We made it to June!

What can you expect for the month?

Check out this month’s Goddess Guidance Oracle message video, where I pull a card for each week of the month AND give you some key dates to watch out for (this June has several you’ll want to mark down!)

Go here to check it out below.

ps: I am so thrilled to see all of you signed up for this month’s Awaken: 21 Days to Embrace Your Inner Goddess! If you would like to join us, regular registration is still open, so go here to secure your spot! We kick off June 14!

a reframe if you hate confrontation…(love tip)

Do you tend to shy away from confrontation or sharing how you feel?

I was speaking with a client about this awhile back.

For privacy sake, we’ll call her Jasmine.

All her life, Jasmine had learned that it wasn’t safe to be seen or to have a voice.

It was very much an old-school mentality of children should be “seen, not heard.”

So, naturally when she got into a relationship, anytime her needs were not be met (or she knew deep down she had to voice them and have a confrontation), this inexplicable terror would come up.

A fear of abandonment. (What if they leave me after I say this?)

A fear of being yelled at (or iced out). (What if they go silent or yell at me?)

A fear of upsetting or angering them.  (What if I let them down or make them mad?)

This was all coming from a childhood core belief that it wasn’t safe to express or even have a voice.

And a secondary belief that she didn’t matter and her opinions and feelings weren’t important.

Once she identified that, some energy released but that fear of confrontation was still very strong.

I offered her this reframe on “confrontation” that helped her put things in perspective and feel safer to have the dialogue she wanted to have with her boyfriend.

Consider this:

What if instead of viewing it as a confrontation, it was an opportunity to feel your power and connect?
Words have a frequency and even reframing confrontation to opportunity sends out a different vibe!
In one, we are expecting it to be one-sided, ie: “I’ll be saying what I need to and the other person will be the recipient of my verbal hurl and venting.”

It breeds separation.

Me vs. you.

None of which can foster an open dialogue and connection.

But an opportunity to feel your power and connect with yourself and another?

It’s a win:win.

When we share from a place of grounded connectedness, even when what you have to say is uncomfortable or painful, it is more likely to be received and heard.

Then it becomes a conversation vs a one-sided confrontation.

It takes practice and a willingness to express yourself in an imperfect, but honest way.

And it’s a good first step in fostering a new belief that it is indeed safe (and encouraged) to share your voice with the person you care about.

Jasmine got clear on what she wanted to say and will be having a conversation with her guy this weekend.

Win:win.

Are you ready to feel safe to express yourself?
Join Awaken: 21 Days To Embrace Your Inner Goddess!
Early bird rate ends May 31.
www.dianadorell.com/awaken2020

Q: Have you ever struggled with confrontation? What helped you to be more at ease with expressing yourself?

Share below and if you would like to read empowering stories from my own dating files as well as friends and clients, check out my bestselling book, The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again!

3 simple daily practices to clear mental clutter

Have you ever had one of those days where you can’t seem to get anything done because you’re obsessing about something that happened…or someone?

Maybe it was a conversation, lack of communication, miscommunication or just plain ghosting!

It can be really difficult to get past the mental and emotional clutter but there is good news!

It’s not impossible.

By engaging in three very simple daily practices, you can begin to clear out the clutter, increase mental clarity and be more in balance with your emotions.

*Funny note: ironically, today’s tips were actually inspired by a dog that I sat for awhile ago.

His name is Andre.

I dubbed him Andre the Giant even though he is a tiny chihuahua.

Here are the 3 practices to incorporate daily into your life..


#1 Play with Purpose

At any given moment, he would go into a spastic “Happy Dance” where he’d wiggle his little body, bury his nose in the blanket and roll over with a satisfied grunt. Then he’d proceed to run around my entire home with his stuffed baby elephant until he was complete. It was pretty amazing to watch and I couldn’t help but get in the game and play with him. I got so much done after that!

YOU: In all your relationships, could you commit to making some time each day to just play without agenda or purpose? 

Example: Do a video conferencing wine night with all your girlfriends who live out of state, tell a silly joke  or story and ask your partner to share one too, tickle your lover, etc! When we can play, we up the fun factor and the energy you give off is attractive, open and expansive.


2. Kiss and Make Up

Andre chewed a corner off my current favorite hardcover book and I was livid.  Fuming. And with tail between his legs, he knew Auntie Diana was not happy.

So I did what a lot of us adults do when we’re mad in relationships.

I ignored him and pretended like everything was fine. (A truly passive aggressive, confusing combination to the other party in our lives!)

And inside I felt like I was going to burst. 

His ears perked up and he promptly climbed into my lap and started kissing my arm. When that didn’t work, he started kissing my knee.

And when I still wasn’t looking at him, he went for it and started kissing my big toe, which made me burst out in laughter! I said, “Andre, I am very mad at you right now. Never touch my books again, especially if they are on the floor. But I love you and thank you for the kisses.” 

Message received. All my books are intact to my knowledge and the kisses keep coming.

YOU:  Instead of holding your emotion in, how would it feel to let it out in a creative way for a change? Could you communicate clearly what it is you’re feeling, without trying to “make it right” or avoid personal responsibility?

A good formula that works

  • State your feeling in the moment, not the past  (I feel…right now).
  • State what you want to see change (be specific and don’t blame).
  • End with an authentic compliment (I love you, I appreciate you for ___, etc).

3.    Embrace the power of stillness and space (aka do nothing) everyday.

Andre has no problem sleeping all day and bouncing from fuzzy blanket to stuffed pillow with stretch breaks in between.

It was actually amazing to me and sometimes as I was working in my home office, I literally would forget he was there because he was sleeping like a cat, quiet as a mouse, content to do nothing at all.

No apologies. No sneaking around like he was being “productive.”

Just full-out lazing about. It was really quite admirable and I found myself feeling envious, so I did a little experiment.

Instead of darting to my computer right when my eyes opened, I took a bubble bath.

And just sat there in the tub. Closed my eyes. Listened to Pandora and just splashed about without any cares.

For like 30 whole minutes (I have to start small right?). Then I made some fresh juice for myself and petted Andre, who was happy to see me adopting his pampering, guilt-free attitude!

All this happened before 11am. After that, the shit I was obsessing about the night before stopped and I got a day’s worth of stuff done in literally 3 hours

But that wasn’t all.

I heard from the guy that I’d be obsessing about that I thought had dropped off the face of the earth.

Turns out, there was nothing to be concerned about. I just crafted a crazy story in my head.

And I realized, wow. There really is something to this “do nothing/relax” time!

YOU: What “stillness” activities sound like fun for you to incorporate into your day? Doing these activities consistently, even if just for 10 minutes could potentially save you hours of time and increase your mental clarity, focus and intuition!

Over to you:

Q: 
Which one of the 3 practices above will you embody this week? List your choice below!
ps: Do you struggle with managing your emotions? Are you ready to break free from old patterns in relationships that are keeping you stuck? Private coaching can help! Go here to book a consult call + check out other ways I can be of service to you right now.