Is it a fantasy or the one that got away?

 Have you ever had a relationship in the back of your head that just won’t go away no matter what you do?


 A good friend of mine shared this situation with me over breakfast. It has to do with wondering if you are falling in love with a fantasy. She wanted to get resolution with herself around unresolved, intense feelings she was having.


What she shared (yes she knows I’m sharing with you. She actually inspired today’s blog post since I was feeling blocked on what to write about!)


“There’s this guy from my past who I have always felt this intense connection with that I can’t explain. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced with anyone else and every time I see an email or text from him, I get this intense rush of heat, almost like I’m having hot flashes all up and down my body. It’s different than butterflies or just that physical attraction thing.


We had texted and talked on the phone when I was out of my divorce a few years ago and I started feeling like maybe he was my true love, with one small exception: he was still married. I was unhappy in my marriage and would often fantasize about this other guy. One day I told him, “I can’t do this anymore. Call me if you ever get a divorce.” And then I hung up. I thought I was over it. I thought I had let it go.


I’m now in a new relationship and out of the blue, I get a text from this guy that says, “I would like to connect. Oh, and I’m getting a divorce.” I don’t know what to do. Part of me says, “Even if you did have the same crazy rush you’ve always had when you see him name pop up, you want very different things out of life and it would never work. But I feel like it’s this constant in the back of my head. How do I get closure with this guy? What do I do with this intense physical feeling and emotional feeling like maybe he’s my true love? Should I do anything? Is it just a fantasy? It’s been going on for over 5 years in my head. Help!”



What I shared with her:


We’ll look at this from a few angles.


1. First, it feels karmic.

The physical sensation and the inexplicable connection you are describing sounds like a past life karmic connection, so that may help you understand why it seems to have this weird hold on you. You aren’t crazy for feeling that. That’s the first thing. Stop judging yourself for that feeling if you are at all. If you want to learn about karmic connections, check out this past video I made all about it:



2.  It feels like you’re holding onto a fantasy that served an unmet need.


You also mentioned that you started building this emotional relationship with him before you were completely healed from your divorce and there was something missing in that marriage that this interaction satisfied in you.  It’s easy to build up an illusion of true love when you have the emotional connection without the day to day interactions or real-life challenges and nuances of a completely committed relationship. The other person becomes ‘perfect’ and an ideal that is based on fantasy and drama of what ‘could be’ rather than what IS.


3. Do the Opposite

One thing I always share with my clients is, “If you want a different result, you have to do something different.” So if you are super clear that connecting with him would help you get closure and move forward, then do the opposite of what you normally do. If you always texted with each other, then call him on the phone. If you have the impulse to see him in person but that causes anxiety, technology is fabulous. FaceTime or Skype him. Just be very clear that your intention is to get closure and ask any questions you have unresolved vs simply indulging in continuing the saga! You can do this!



Have you ever gone through something similar with feeling like you can’t get someone out of your head?



Here’s Your Soul Love Advice:

Go Deep With Yourself

My invitation is to get still and ask your intuition, “What need did my interactions with him/this person fulfill?” Get really totally real with yourself, even if it’s embarrassing. Journal about it. Talk it out with a friend. Let it be all over the place until you get to the core need.


Maybe it was feeling safe to be totally emotionally vulnerable without being judged. Maybe it was to feel special and adored. Name it. Claim it. And once you do that, you can see where you need to satisfy that need within yourself. It always comes back to us. No one can fulfill our needs for us. For example, if it satisifed the need to feel special and adored, what activity or action would help you experience feeling special? Maybe when you ask your intuition, you get the word, “Get up a half hour earlier for my morning run.” Listen. Then make note of it. As you take responsibility for meeting that unmet need yourself, you’ll take the pressure off of yourself and you’ll give less energetic weight to this fantasy guy for meeting that need for you. You are fabulous and you deserve to feel free!


This Week’s Question:

Have you ever had a friend who had a fantasy that was keeping a hold on them? Have you ever felt like it was hard to let someone go even though you know you should? What helped you move forward? Share your experience if you feel guided! You never know who may need to hear just what you have to say!



Want to Go Deeper?

In Kona calling in Pele, Goddess of Passion!

In Kona calling in Pele, Goddess of Passion!

One of my healing specialities is helping you truly let go of an old karmic relationship or pattern at the cellular, subconscious-level so you can feel light, like a weight is off your heart and totally free to create a new relationship and new situations that light you up again! Click here to check out the different ways we can work together here:


Much Love and Peace to you!







2 replies
  1. Rachel
    Rachel says:

    Thank You Diana:) Such a great light bulb went on after reading this. I love the idea of doing opposites…I NEVER have face to face discussions with “him” so this is a great idea. We have a soul level connection but where is it written that that means on going low grade pain and distraction? Thanks…I’m also gonna play with the non-judgement thing.


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