3 Steps to Stop Feeling Like a ‘Fraud’ in Your Life
So, today’s post comes from a comment one of my favorite clients shared with me and I have a feeling that you may vibe with it (or know someone who would).
She is a very successful consultant and she is dedicated to helping her clients bring order and organization back to their business. But despite all her success (she practically has a waiting list because she’s so awesome at what she does!), there was a nagging feeling she couldn’t shake.
Q: “Diana, how do I deal with this feeling of guilt for helping my clients organize their business when I don’t have my own shit together?”
(Translation: How do I stop feeling like a fraud?)
This is a BIG and very common feeling that I hear running rampant, especially with super freakin talented (and successful!) service-providers and it’s time to address this.
I’m super passionate about this, so I’m going to offer insights in two parts over two weeks.
Today, you get Part One.
A: (Part 1) How to Deal with Feeling Like You’re a Fraud in your Business (Or your Love Life)
Step 1: Recognize the Pattern
In my experience, this “fraud voice” usually comes up when you are about to make a BIG change, leap or transition that you KNOW is right
(it’s actually been a long time coming) but there’s fear because there are no guarantees that it’s all actually going to work out.) You just FEEL it. (And the thought of NOT doing it feels like you’d be selling out on yourself/out of integrity.)
Ex: Raising your rates, Having the “Talk” with your significant other or finally starting your own spiritually-based business.
Is this you?
Step 2. CALMLY acknowledge the voice
If so, after taking a few deep breaths, state ALOUD: “I recognize that I am currently experiencing fear around __________(insert your BIG leap here). I see you. I feel you. And I acknowledge that you are here to protect me. Thank you for sharing.”All that voice really is is the Ego and it stems from the belief that you are somehow separate from another or the world. You aren’t. That’s an illusion. But for the love of Goddess, acknowledge the voice or it’s just going to be like a 4 year old and get louder and more annoying until you give it attention 🙂
Step 3: Go back to your WHY (Vision)
What was the reason you got into your business in the first place? What drew you to want to be close to that person? Write it down. Dance it out. Sing about it. Heck, I even had one client RECORD her own voice for what her WHY was and she plays it every morning on her fancy i-phone!
When we re-visit our WHY (or vision), our bigger intention, all of a sudden, the subconscious remembers, “Oh yea, it’s not about Me (Ego). It’s about being in service and using my gifts to the fullest extent of my potential.” (or your own version of that!)
Take Action Time:
I want to hear from you:
1. What helps YOU tame that “fraud” voice? Post a comment on here!
2. Try out the 3 steps if you’re serious about shifting your energy for the REST OF THE WEEK and post your findings of this experiment by posting a comment here!
3. Need help? Consider this first.
Sometimes (more often than not), the “voice” is not actually ours. It could be the voice of our well-intentioned parents, old lovers, even lineage or past life patterns that are running the show and squashing your capacity to move beyond certain income levels, loving partnerships or optimum health that you know you deserve. The good news? You have the power to release it. Completely. Like. For. Good.
Part of my WHY is to help you feel powerful in all your relationships, to help you make the kind of money you know you could be making in your business (without it leaking out the other end!) and to help you feel like you have as much energy as you had when you were little so you can go live out your dream. But it takes courage. It takes effort. And if it’s a pattern that’s been ingrained in your subconscious for a long time, you need help. (otherwise you would have already seen the kind of results you wanted, right?) Now is the time. And if you’re feeling the call from within, I’m here for you, but you must take action.
ps: Did you like today’s post?
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Great post. I feel like a fraud too sometimes and this helps to keep that feeling in place.
Only I don’t just feel it before a big step, but also after a while. All over sudden I think I am just faking it and somebody will discover who I really am and what my capabilities really are.
I’ve read some other articles about this impostor feeling and I like your take on this.
Looking forward the next post about this.
Thanks for sharing this Margareth! It can sometimes be a programmed feeling that our subconscious just replays when we get stressed or sometimes when things are going really really well! I look forward to hearing how the steps help you during the week. Much Love, Diana Dorell
Scott-this is AWESOME. I love the idea of a letter to Fear. It makes it all creative and not so scary anymore. You rock sir. Hugs, Diana Dorell
I like the post. I like the idea about recording my purpose/intent and playing it back to myself daily. I had this experience this morning when I was thinking to myself and to the angels about healing my back spine with energy rather than going back to the chiropractor and paying out all the money it costs – over long period of time – $ I can’t afford to spend … when I can possibly and simply heal myself with energy (I am hoping) and it costing me no $ in the end. Then I thought how can even think about asking people to pay me for healing, when I am thinking/feeling the way I feel about all the money I am/will spend on another type of healer (chiropractor) who can help me… I heard this voice in me say, ‘incongruent’ and yes, I felt like a ‘fraud’ (didn’t have the word for it until I saw it here). Relieved to know I am not the only one. Through some self talk I thought ‘I can teach people to heal themself – yet, I would be asking them for a fee ($) in return – but then they would have the tools and not have to put a lot of money out over a lengthy period of time … I also thought about the ‘exchange of energy – giving and recieving’…there is a possibility I would not have to charge for the one on one healing I would do – I could charge a fee for others services like readings, programs/courses, seminars…hhhhh – I am sorting it out. After reading your post I came to the conclusion I have come to before – ‘My purpose in life I have always known is about healing and to teaching – I feel that in the careers I have had the healing and teaching is not as effective as it would/could/can be in my own business of healing and teaching, as my time and energy would be fully focused on healing/teaching and not distracted by other environments incongruent to my abilities and purpose. Yes, I can heal to some degree where I am – but I am not liberated in the environment to fulfill what I am fully capable of and fully have to offer others in teaching them healing / manifesting/ creating /living spiritually – using energy. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER RIGHT NOW. THANKS DIANA. (The ego fear about money just went away).
Awesome Susan! Yes, it is powerful to get clarity around where the fear is actually stemming from and especially when it comes to money and healing services, it is a HOT button for a LOT. Stay tuned for more info to come on dealing with this “do I charge” for healing services area as it affects many. Bravo for you and your breakthrough! Keep us posted. <3
Since I talk to myself all the time anyway, step #2 is a great idea. It’s funny that I can talk to my students that way but can’t do it for myself. I will definitely try this as I get deeper into my latest venture. Thanks, Diana!
Yes! Keep us posted Nancy! It’s often so much harder to act on our own advice but that’s where the sparkles are. Much Love, Diana Dorell