The Paradox of Transformation:
5 Truths on Self Love and Self-Acceptance
I am writing this guest post from my bed at the Omni resort in gorgeous Tucson, Arizona. It’s 10pm, the rain is gently dropping on the roof like the sound of hands clapping in a small theater. I am breaking into the mini bar for cashews to crush a salt craving. Calories be damned. I am on a two-day VIP retreat with Goddess Diana to create a new vision for my business and reconcile my love life. Day 1 just ended.
We decided in the hot tub, after our chicken wings and tuna sliders, that I would write this for her – and you. There is nothing like a report from the soldiers on the front line in the quest for enlightenment.
Here are five spiritual truths I got after the first day that hopefully will help you in your own quest towards self-love and self-acceptance.
Truth #1 Transformational healing takes courage.
It’s a journey and a mindset that takes courageous work and support. It takes great effort and consistent commitment to integrate completely. We wonder if we’ll ever “heal” completely. Sounds like another job. But here’s what I’ve found.
Truth #2: There is no place to go. You’ve already arrived. There is no great single aha moment that will always occur to let you know that you have transformed once and for all. There is no profound change that will suddenly take over your psyche and you will never feel worthless or bad or ugly again.
So you may ask, then what is enlightenment and transformation? How does it happen?
Here’s my take: it is simply the moment-by-moment practice of a profound and real self-acceptance of those ugly places and feelings and a deep, abiding self-love for your humanness. From this deep place comes wise choice and effective action.
Truth #3 Your authentic transformation starts from the act of simply accepting.
The Buddha found enlightenment while sitting under the Bodhi tree. Sitting and noticing his inner world. It happened in a flash. Enlightenment and transformation come to us in a moment, and that is a moment of stillness when we accept our situations and ourselves completely – meet ourselves where we are and with love and compassion for where we are – care deeply for ourselves. It happens when we bring clear, kind vision to our current situations, habits, actions or inactions and accept the truth of the moment.
The paradox of being human is that we believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with us, and to heal and transform our lives, we have to change everything about ourselves.
I woke up this morning in a start full of fear, my mind racing about work and being away, some large business payments due this week, my son’s doctor appointment, my taxes, a perceived betrayal by a business partner, blah blah blah. I lit a candle, sat cross legged on my bed and began to name all the feelings rushing through my mind and filling my body: fear, anxiety, resentment, stupidity, untrustworthiness, shame. Breathing into them, I allowed myself to feel them deeply, feel my cells reacting, the heat on my skin, the knot in my stomach, whatever arose. I met these with compassion with an open heart for my struggles, my decisions, my humanity. I acknowledged the truth of my current situations, the choices I made to get here in this moment without judgment and chose to love myself with all my heart in this moment, with great compassion for my suffering, deeply connecting with my humanity. I had to do this three times.
I know that millions of people on our planet woke up with many of those same feelings of fear, shame, guilt or thoughts of lack or failure as a mother, father, husband, partner, wife, employee, boss, some perceived failure in being a good human being. It is the human condition. No one is free from this.
Nelson Mandela changed the fate of a nation through acceptance and love. Gandhi set his country free through a radical acceptance and non-action. The simple practice of acceptance and presencing love and deep compassion for ourselves can change your world. It brings a consciousness to the moment where all decisions are made, and it’s in our choices where our lives and mind are changed.
Truth #4: You are imperfect. We all are.
Acknowledge that to be human is to be flawed and know this. Accept it. Feel it deeply. Love yourself and make different choices with this knowledge.
Transformation happens in the moment. That moment is our Bodhi tree.
And now for the big Truth #5…..The boundary of what you can accept is the boundary to your freedom.
Whatever you want is waiting for you on the other side.
The question is…Will you accept it? Will you accept you?
I’d love to write more, but my eyes are closing and the fluffy bed is calling my name.
From my heart to yours,
Deb. Or as Diana calls me…Goddess Deb.
This week’s Soul Question: Which of the 5 Truths speaks to you today? Why? Share with us by leaving a comment!
Ps: Curious about private VIP days with Diana? These are extremely limited and exclusive spots that are meant to radically shift your energy.
Next step: Click here to email Diana ( with the subject line: VIP day) and we will schedule a 15 minute complimentary consult for you to learn more about the program!