I LOVE this question and I have a true story from my own dating life that I’d like to share with you today.
But before I go there, my good friend, Love Coach, Kavita J. Patel has a FREE video series for those of you who are done being single and today, her video is all about the question: Should You Take Your Ex Back or Let Him Go?
If you’re not already enrolled in this free awesome training of hers, please click here. I promise it will be well worth your time! And my story below is the background for why I feel Kavita’s videos are so relevant if you’re going through something similar right now.
My Story About How I Got My Ex Back and Trusting Your Intuition: The Big Ben…
In my early 20’s, I was dating this amazing teacher named Ben who I met in the Teach for America corp. He was handsome, funny and super smart. I was instantly attracted to him and before long we were an item. We dated for about a year and a half when something in my belly told me something just wasn’t quite right. It had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. I was exploring my sexuality and I felt torn between being his serious girlfriend (he was on the verge of proposing, wanting me to live with him, talking about babies, the whole nine yards) and I kept having this gnawing desire to explore my options. I didn’t feel ready for that kind of commitment as I still had something unresolved within myself about who I was.
So, after a lot of tears and 3 AM soul wake-up calls, I broke it off with him. He was heart-broken but he understood and said, “I can’t meet all your needs and I don’t want to hold you back. I love you.” It was so painful and I felt horribly guilty. But we were still in the same teaching circles, so I saw him all the time and each time, it was like someone was driving a knife into my heart and I couldn’t breathe. He was my best friend; I was so devastated and I could barely get out of bed to go to the school to teach. Had I made the biggest mistake of my life?
After about three weeks, I couldn’t take it anymore. I called him and he answered. “Ben….it’s Diana.” He was quiet on the other end. “Is it too late?” I could feel him smile on the other end of the line and he said, “No! It’s not too late! I’m coming right over.” And I remember him opening up the door, tears streaming down my face and kissing him like we were in some rom-com where the music swells really big and they run the credits. “I missed you so much.” “Me too…” And we were like lovebirds again. All was well for about a month. Then, one evening, I woke up again at 3AM. Again that gnawing in my belly. A gentle but persistent voice said, “Diana, why did you really call him that night a month ago? What is this really about?” I wanted to drown it out so bad. But when I got quiet in that deafening silence, my intuition answered, “Because I felt so lonely without him and I wasn’t ready to honor my nudges about exploring. I was afraid if I didn’t call him, I would have lost the love of my life and I should want that life. I’m at the right age. He loves me. I love him. But if I don’t explore, I’ll hate myself and I’ll resent him.” There it was..my truth. Naked, inconvenient and oh-so-annoying!
We broke up again and this time it was for good. I did a lot of soul-searching during that time with myself and I made a lot of mistakes, but part of my recovery was going to a personal development workshop downtown where we had to call anyone we ever hurt on the 30 minute break. Ben’s name was at the top of my list. A year after that final devastating call, my intuition told me to call him. To make amends (mostly for myself feeling so guilty that I took us both through not one but TWO soul-shattering break-ups.) I picked up the phone to dial his number and to my surprise, he answered! He said, “I wasn’t going to answer, but I thought your timing was too crazy. Do you know where I am?” “No,” I replied, feeling this huge knot in my throat. He said, “I just bought an engagement ring. I’m proposing to my girlfriend. I’m so grateful you came into my life but you don’t need to apologize for anything. I will always love you but you and I, it’s just too much. It’s like Romeo and Juliet. It’s so intense and I don’t want us to DIE like they did in order to be who we really are in this world. Thank you.” Wow. Full circle. We set each other free and the last time I heard, he is still happily married and has a beautiful baby boy.
The Point of the Story:
- It can be really confusing to know whether you should try and get your ex back or let him/her go for good. It’s about honesty. (Kavita’s video today breaks down EXACTLY what you need to ask in order to know for sure!)
- Your intuition knows the truth. Stop saying you “don’t know.” You do know. Listen. What is it telling you? Listen!
- Everything is in perfect and Divine order. If you are meant to be back together, you will be. And if not, it’s okay. If you are coming from a space of OVERFLOW and AUTHENTICITY vs. NEEDINESS (like I was in the middle of my story!) you will always win. Even if it’s not with that person.
Have a comment? Share away Goddess!
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