The #1 dating buzz killer and how to avoid it

This one thing can mean the difference between a great date and a catastrophe.

It’s something very subtle and distinguishes you as “second date potential” or “first date horror story.”

Which would you rather be? (That was a silly question.)

It’s like black ice on the highway. This buzz killer sneaks up on you and when you are on it, it is ungrounding, confusing and well, super unpleasant and you can’t wait to get away from it.

So, what is the #1 dating buzz killer? 

Want to take a guess? (I’ll wait).

No, it’s not talking about old relationships (although that one ranks pretty high up there too) and it’s not just talking about work and your career (which also makes the top 5 list).

The #1 buzz killer is…..<drumroll please!> Negative self-talk!

You’ve probably been around those people who are charming, lovely and down-to-earth and then out of nowhere, they start complaining about themselves or deflecting compliments you give them with a negative comment or downplaying what you just said with false modesty. It doesn’t feel so great on the receiving end, does it?

So…plain and simple, STOP the negative self-talk and also recognize that a date is not an substitution for a therapy session or vent session with your girlfriends! If you had a bad day, it’s understandable but don’t take that energy into a date.

Instead, here are three things you can do before a date or important meeting if you find yourself about to spiral down the negative self-talk rabbit hole.

Step 1: Rant

Give yourself permission to be the victim in a safe space and rant out loud or on a piece of paper the unfiltered thoughts and feelings you are having. Or cry. Yell. Scream. Make faces. Give an imaginary person the finger. Just get the negative out. No one is going to be grading you or shaming you for being un P.C. 

Step 2: Re-lease

Using your breath, once you’ve completed your full-on rant, close your eyes, take a deep breath and as you exhale, visualize all that negativity leaving your body and being put into a basket being held by a beautiful Angel to release out.

Step 3: Re-frame

Now with that energy out of your space, set an intention on something that you appreciate about yourself. It could be something simple like, I am grateful for my eyes that are allowing me to see this. One thing. Notice how it easily shifts and if all else fails, smile like a silly Cheshire cat. It works every time! Now you are ready to come to the table with a positive, lighter (and more accurate) version of your True self…and honey, that’s DAMN attractive!

Action This Week: What is ONE thing you appreciate about your life right now? Share in the comments below? 

As an invitation, consider writing out one thing each day that you appreciate about you and notice how you feel and how your interactions with others go.

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