So, one of the biggest questions I get asked in my private coaching practice is “Why am I still single? What am I doing wrong?”
Well, while there’s no easy answer to that, I’d love to share a question from the book I recommend to all my private coaching clients called Getting to I Do, that helps to shed some light on what could be happening for you. I’ll illustrate it with a story you can relate to.
Ann was a beautiful, well-educated, compassionate woman approaching her 40th birthday.
She was making over $300,000/year in her own business and she was seriously wondering if there was something wrong with her that she couldn’t seem to hang on to a man.
When I asked her what she was looking for she said, “Someone who isn’t intimidated by my success. Someone who lets me be me and doesn’t try to put me into some traditional housewife role. I am ready to settle down and I’m tired of dating men who only want to have sex with me. What am I doing wrong?”
“Well, let me ask you this,” I replied. Would you say that it’s more important to you that he respect your thoughts and opinions OR that he cherish your feelings above anything else? What is your first natural response after you quiet your mind and relax your body? I know that both are important to you and in a serious relationship, you will get both, but which one if it were satisfied FIRST, would you prefer? Take all the time you need but only give me one answer.”
She said the first one (that he respect her thoughts and opinions was priority.) And thoughts and opinions are MALE or directive energy.
Just to be clear: Both genders (men and women) have feminine and masculine energy that we flip flop between during the course of our days. That is totally natural. But in romantic partnerships, there is a predominant energy. A woman can be in her masculine at work and mostly feminine in love. A man can be in his masculine at both work and love. A woman can be in her feminine at work and masculine in love. And a man can be in his feminine at work and feminine in love. One energy is not better than the other. It just IS. Have I confused you yet? 🙂
The big Ah-HA
So… in my story with Ann above, in order to have a long-lasting partnership, she needed to find a male partner who wanted to carry predominantly FEMALE or receptive energy in their relationships to create that opposite tension needed for long-term sexual and emotional compatibility. Otherwise, she would always be attracting directed, alpha-type-men who may want to sleep with her, would respect her success as a businesswoman but not view her as a future life partner. She was hooked sexually (oxytocin is a bitch!) obsessing about them while they were off dating other women with little or no thought to her. It was simply a question of energetic mis-match for the long haul.
I’m busting this Myth
Society ingrains in us women that if you carry predominantly masculine energy in your love relationships that there is something “wrong” with you but that is so not true! There are plenty of fabulous men who are wonderful and compassionate partners who will value you as the directive energy in the relationship and take your lead without a dent to their masculinity. Conversely, if you find when you ask yourself that question that you desire to be the feminine/receptive energy in love relationships, then you’re going to have to learn how to leave your masculine at the office and let a man lead you. *(This is one of the toughest spiritual lessons to learn and one that I love helping my clients with, so if you have trouble with this too, scroll down as I have an invitation for you!)
The trap is thinking you can have both a masculine, directed alpha-male AND also lead with your masculine in love. It may work for you in your business but unless you are with a feminine-energy man in love, you’re either going to sleep with each other but he won’t want a commitment or you’ll fight and try to “top” each other. Neither is a recipe for lasting love!
So ask yourself: in LOVE relationships …….(not business, friendship or family…I want to be so clear on that!)
“Is it more important to me that my future soulmate/husband/partner respect my thoughts and opinions OR that they cherish my feelings above anything else?
If you said the first, you are naturally more DIRECTIVE in love and would best have your needs met if you carry the masculine role and look for a partner willing to lead with their feminine.
If you said the second, you are naturally more RECEPTIVE in love and would best have your needs met if you carry the feminine role and look for a partner willing to lead with their masculine.
Invitation: Which energy are you in love? Any insights or ideas you want to share on this concept of male/female energy? Please post a comment!
Psssssst….Would you like to learn exactly how to become a man MAGNET in love, drawing men to you like flies without compromising your values? or if you want to carry masculine energy in love, how to APPROACH amazing receptive men who love and respect you for your thoughts, opinions and ability to lead?
This is what I help my private coaching clients with in my full 3-month love immersion program and I’d love to help you!
Click here to schedule a complimentary Intro Call to learn more about this and if the program is right for you! Spaces are limited so if you’re done being single, grab one!
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