Ever felt like you have to get your ‘ducks’ in a row and then you’ll be ready for love? A true story and 3 take-aways
Have you ever felt like you’re maybe just not “ready” for love or a soul mate partnership?
Ever felt like you had to get your ‘ducks in a row’ first and then you’ll feel more ready?
Have you ever secretly had thoughts like “Maybe I’m just not good enough or my life just isn’t good enough for a guy to stick around?”
OMG. So did I. I want to share a story with you from my personal dating files with the intention that it offers you some peace and insight into YOUR approach to dating.
Man, I’ve felt like that so many times in love. Like maybe I should figure out how to manage my money better and not overdraft 10,000 times and THEN a guy would see how special and fabulous I was. Or I thought that maybe I should lose 10 more lbs and THEN I’d go out with that guy my friend wanted to set me up with and wear that sexy dress with Spanx. I even thought that I shouldn’t date anyone or show real interest in anyone until I actually lived in my own place in the Bay Area (which is pricey!) to prove to a guy that I was ‘successful’ and capable of keeping a beautiful house.’ It’s embarrassing to share this with you, but that’s where my head was a few years ago!
But looking back at all my serious partnerships back then, I noticed an interesting pattern. During that chaotic time in my life (my early-late twenties), I met not one, but three amazing men that would turn into future boyfriends during periods of intense internal chaos and transition of all kinds. With one guy I met and dated seriously I had just broken up with someone and was in a man-hating stage, which apparently did not deter him from pursuing me. With another, I was super stressed about my teaching job and wanted to escape so I would eat and put on weight or starve myself and eat nothing. And with yet another long-term love during that crazy ass time, I was completely broke and trying to make it as a film and commercial actress in the city, feeling totally scattered and shaky with my inability to have my ‘shit’ figured out. Yet these amazing men showed up in my life.
This defied my ‘ducks-in-a-row- theory.’ Was the Universe giving me a free pass and it didn’t matter how self-destructive I was (I could go crazy!) because I was just the shit and men would flock to me regardless of what I did? Ummmm, no I don’t think that’s what my Soul lesson was! Looking back now, I see that each of those men popped into my life to re-affirm 3 things:
Tough Love Take-Aways
1) At our core, we are all deserving and worthy of love, affection and attention regardless of our temporary circumstances. Say it with me. I AM worthy of love, affection and attention no matter what is happening in my life right now.
2) You don’t (and probably won’t) have all your ducks in a row as much as you think you should. You can still find someone who finds you incredibly amazing and wants to date you anyway. Work towards getting your life in order with grace and patience!
3) And most importantly…Stay curious and look for hidden gems!
These men helped me see the areas in my life that I sincerely wanted to shift, mostly the negative thoughts bouncing around in my head that were living there rent-free! The difference was I shifted from what I thought I NEEDED to shift or change for THEM to asking myself, “What would help me feel most beautiful, joyful and proud of ME?”
Though obviously none of these three men were not to stay in life forever, they all were incredibly rich relationships that were birthed from not having my ducks anywhere near a row! And from my own growing self-love and self-respect with each evolution of those partnerships and the solo times in between, I learned how to better manage and respect my money (which is closely tied to how we value and show respect to ourselves), I eventually sought support for my eating disorder and destructive eating habits and began speaking in public schools to young boys and girls around how to love your body and I even uncovered a joy for Feng-Shui and color therapy (and hired a housecleaner!).
That’s my story. Now I’d love to hear from you!
Which one of the 3 take-aways resonates with you right now?
Have you ever struggled with feeling like you have to have it all figured out?
Share your comments below!
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Jeez all three hit home for years. Your coaching and spiritual inspirations gave me a new look at relationships! One thing You always reminded me to keep my heart open and Great Love will come to you. It has always been open and is open to this day! You have known me for quite sometime and some of the craziness that has gone on with my Earth-walk. Hats off to you my dear for keeping me straight on my path. Within my own self-love and self-respect. I have learned with your guidance how to better respect myself and the self of others. My ducks aren’t in a row, I do stay curious and look for those hidden gems and like you have always told me;” Thomas You are worthy of Love”. I Am! Thank you my dear friend and soul connection! I Am grateful for you!! Love and Blessings, Thomas Ps 🙂 Still Single!
I’m so glad that my messages resonate with you. Thank you for your kind words! Yes, it’s true Great Love will come to us when we keep our hearts open AND when we love ourselves enough to say no to people who aren’t able for whatever reason to open their hearts to love. Keep up the great work! Much Love, Diana
#2 Resonated with me. That is what I have been telling myself recently and I still catch myself now and then thinking, ‘I need to have/do this or that before…’ and have it all together. Lately a little voice inside is telling me that is not true.
Thank you for sharing this with us. Listen to that voice if it feels authentic! The mind will tell us we need to have it all together, but truthfully, when does everything come together at one time? Very rarely, so we may as well enjoy the ride! Love, Diana
I am feeling that way right now. Good to read about your experience. The only thing is I am surprised that these wonderful men came into your life when you were having all those feelings about yourself and our situation. Everything I have studied over the past years supports the theory that the universe will give you what you are putting out there. Help me to understand.
Thank you for your comment Goddess! Yes, I know it surprised me too with all the Law of Attraction stuff I know about now as well. What comes up for me is that in the Universe there is also the Law of Polarities, meaning that for every energy, there is an opposite to create balance. And while I was not consciously putting out a “I’m ready and wanting a relationship vibe” I may have unconsciously been putting out a “I need to get my life in order, but I need help to get out of this cycle Universe” one. And the Universe responded by sending me these wonderful men who loved me more than I was able to love myself at that time to show me that I did deserve better in my life than I was treating myself. Hope that helps! <3 Much Love, Diana