how to stop accepting crumbs in a relationship
Nothing annoys me more and makes me want to do some scary Kali-Ma drumming rage dance than hearing woman after woman call me + say some version of this:
I’m okay accepting crumbs….it’s not that bad.
Oh. my. Goddess. Nooooooo!
This madness must stop and especially the day before National Self-Love Day and 2 days before the V-day, I’m not going to sugar coat it.
You will never create the type of amazing, lasting, nourishing relationship you say you want if you keep accepting crumbs.
It’s like walking by this gorgeous cake with your name on it and deliberately walking two blocks out of your way to pick up the crusty, nasty CRUMBS that some other goddess left behind as she was eating her gorgeous cake.
Why do we do this?
A few specific examples of how this shows up in real-life:
- saying yes to booty calls with your ex (who you’re supposedly ‘over’)
- getting stood up on a date and letting the guy reschedule?! (after you text him to find out wtf happened).
- calling your friend because you really need a friendly ear after a shitty day at work..and then letting her steer the conversation to herself for the entire call and keeping quiet about it.
No. no. no.
If this is pissing you off too, I’m doing my job.
If you are ready to retire your crumb-accepting crappy broken tiara once and for all, here are 3 behaviors you’re going to need to stop.
Stop the following-
1. Stop thinking you won’t get anything else if you reject this crappy, unacceptable option.
I call this the something-is-better-than-nothing mentality. Yes, it takes courage to walk away when you don’t have a guarantee that something else will immediately rush in to take its place. But it’s a discipline and requires a lot of self-trust and trust in more than enough.
2. Stop believing that it’s “greedy” to want more than the bare minimum and that wanting more makes you a bad person.
This usually comes from childhood and what was modeled to us around being a “good” girl. Wanting more than the minimum can feel scary but you’re going to have to shift this if you want to be treated like the Queen you are.
3. Stop letting other people dictate your standards.
Often times, it’s easier to just not have any standards, but leaves you constantly at the mercy of what other people decide. And it’s hard to attract a quality relationship when your standards are non-existent or unclear. So get some girlfriend and take ownership of this!
The more you can stop these three behaviors, the sooner you’ll be on your way to not even notice the yucky crumbs and claim the whole damn cake.
ps: It’s likely that the pattern of accepting crumbs isn’t one that just started. And it can be easier to navigate and break when you have a partner beside you who has been through the ropes. If you’re ready to turbo-charge your results this year, private coaching can help you get there! Click here to explore coaching and book a complimentary love-assessment call with Diana.
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