I remember going to a speed-dating event and feeling so excited to leave with a booked date with this literally tall, dark, and handsome man who had this brooding energy about him. He was super hot, and my whole body lit up like a Christmas tree when he got close.

Never mind that he didn’t really have much to say to me, rarely asked me questions about myself, randomly rescheduled dates because of one thing or another, usually something with his kids that he shared custody of with his ex… and he always wanted me to come over to his house…

At the same time, I was also dating another guy who was also very nice-looking, well groomed, and well…a little boring.

I couldn’t pinpoint why. He was interesting, he kept asking me out, was doing all the right things, but I kept mustering the courage to drop him hoping Mr. Tall, Dark, And Handsome would get his shiZ together and prioritize me/go exclusive, but my logical brain was so all over the place.

What the heck was going on?

What I realize now, looking back, was that I was addicted to chaos and was confusing the adrenaline rush of “would Mr. Tall, Dark, And Handsome” show me attention today with true compatibility, not just heat and raw chemistry.

I was addicted to the chase and the thrill of being chosen, even if all I was getting were crumbs.

Meanwhile, that trauma/adrenaline-rush crazed pattern in me was rejecting a man who I actually had chemistry and compatibility with…because he was treating me well and communicating in a healthy, predictable manner. The horror!

Here are some takeaways I had from that experience.

• How we are in one area tends to be how we are in all areas. If I got really honest with myself, I saw the pattern spilling into other parts of my life. Waiting until the absolute last minute to finish a piece on a deadline. Packing 1 hour before my flight. All in the thrill of saying I could do it.
• I needed a new standard and a new reframe on “predictable.” Just for kicks, I started actually taking more time than I thought I needed. Deeply listening to Mr. Steady Eddy instead of judging him. Slowing down to eat my food and other things. It was weird. I noticed when I felt really uncomfortable having space to actually hear my own heart and thoughts…but the more I reframed “predictable” as “peace,” the less appeal Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome and his unpredictable, adrenaline-rush ways had.
• Awareness was the first step. I didn’t change the pattern overnight, and it took a few more weeks to unravel myself from the situationship with Mr. TDH, but I did. I started enjoying my time with Mr. Boring, and while we both agreed it wasn’t a match for the long term, it was a big step in the right direction towards eventually meeting my now hubby. We start where we are, always. With love, grace and self-compassion.

Have you ever found yourself in a similar predicament?

What helped you to unravel the pattern? Would love to hear your thoughts. If you feel moved, and saw this from my weekly love note, hit reply to that email and share!

ps: Ready to stop settling and change your love energy? Aligned Love is underway, but there’s still time to get the Day 1 recording and even Day 2 if you cannot make it live.