“‘I’ve been searching for ways to heal myself, and I’ve found that kindness is the best way.”-Lady Gaga
Today’s Q+A from the community is around oopsies.
Or what I call mea culpas.
Q: Diana, I said something I totally regret to someone I care about. I got caught up in the moment and I can’t take back what I said because it was via text. I feel terrible and I don’t know what to do.
A: I love this question! Because it’s not really about just this situation, is it? It’s about how to manage the emotions within you that come up after you let something out that is less than aligned or in flow.
Here are 4 steps to be kind to yourself after a mea culpa:
- Feel the feels.
You can’t pretend anger isn’t there. Or embarrassment. Or whatever other emotion prompted the mea culpa. Let yourself feel it and it doesn’t own you. It moves through you. My favorite methods? Journaling, writing it on a post-it and putting it in my Worry Box. And dancing it out with Pandora, my Goddess music sidekick. We’ve worked a lot of shi_ out over the years.
- Talk to your small self.
The small self is the one inside you that is afraid, that lashes out, that worries too much about what others think of her. She often just wants to be heard and seen. So, find a comfy seat, grab a hot beverage and ask her (out loud or on paper): “What do you want me to know? What do you need to express? I promise I will just listen to you.” And then shut up and listen. Let it flow out of you. Wisdom comes when there’s space to be heard without judgement.
- Thank her. Thank all involved.
If you subscribe to the belief that the Universe is 1000% on your side and that everything that happens to you is meant to aid in your spiritual and personal growth, then after you’ve gone through the first two steps, you can move to gratitude. Authentic gratitude, not that love and light crap masqueraded in rage 🙂
One of my favorite prayers to say once I’ve cleared the first three steps: (it’s yours if you want it)
“I now forgive myself for any hurt I may have inflicted in this situation, intentional or unintentional. I now turn this over to you 100%. If there are any actions I can take to bring peace and balance to this situation, make it abundantly, unmistakably clear. And if not, give me the courage to be still and trust that you are handling this. Thank you! And so it is!”