How to deal with rejection

 “I chose and my world was shaken. So what? The choice may have been mistaken; the choosing was not.”-Stephen Sondheim

 What do you do when you profess love for someone and they just don’t feel the same way you do?

Or you have what you think was a fantastic date-you connected with this person, you felt attracted to them and sensed they thought you were hot too. And then you get the uncomfortable text or email a day later saying, “I don’t think we’re a good fit. You’re a great person, but I’m just not feeling it and I don’t want to lead you on. Sorry.” Or even more brutal, they tell you to your face, at the end of the date! I know-it happened to me.

Hiking Dude: From Diana’s Dating files 

If you’ve read my first e-book, you know I’m not a fan of hiking and have had my fair share of dating disasters. A few years ago, I went on this really great first date with a guy who was sexy, very intelligent and instantly drawn to me. He had gorgeous curly hair and a body I couldn’t stop fantasizing about. Turns out we had a lot in common and he even owned a chain of organic juice/smoothie stories in town and had a dog who also loved me (great sign!). After date two, he invites me to go hiking or for a brisk “walk.” I’m game because I really really liked him, so I went on the hike despite my reservations, panting the whole time but laughing and appreciating that he stopped and slowed down so we could talk. He kept asking me about what I did to work out and I mentioned dancing and occasional running. (He was quiet, which should have been my sign to ask more questions, but I didn’t).Everything seemed fine and I was looking forward to hanging out with him and his dog for lunch after the hike. Only after we got to his house, he said, “I just want to be honest Diana. This isn’t happening. There’s probably something wrong with me. Don’t want to lead you on. So, no lunch. How about a hug?”

<Awkward moment ensues and my female Ego is burning up and I want to cry or slap him or both>

Fighting all these instincts, I went in for the hug and then it got weirder. He pulled back and said, “So, this is what you do, right? Can you tell me if we’re a match or if I’m making the right decision to let you go now?”

Oh. My. Goddess. No, he did NOT just ask me that!

I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to kill him. Instead, I took a deep breath, smiled, looked deeply into his beautiful blue eyes and with all the courage I could muster, replied with, “Sure. For my professional rate of $150 an hour. But I don’t date clients, so I guess you’re shit out of luck. Take care!”

I drove off as fast as I could but once I got home, I cried like a little girl. Like an embarrassingly long time. Rejection, no matter what age we are or what the context, hurts like a bitch.

But it doesn’t have to completely shatter your world. It can actually be the best thing that happens to you. If you’ve been rejected outright before too, here’s the upside as I see it and what I share with my clients now:

3 Things to Keep in Mind After Being Rejected:

1. The person had the balls to tell you he wasn’t interested outright. A lot of people maybe never gave you that courtesy in the past!  It can be almost more painful to not know how they really feel and then start fantasizing about what could have happened…or worse, you start going all stalker and obsess about the version of the date in your head.*If you feel like you got rejected in the slow and painful way (like he just never calls you back), the faster you clear your own energy of the illusion of what could have been and let go, the easier it is to move on. If you need help with that, I’m your gal as it’s the #1 thing I help clients with. Learn more here.
2. You have more energy for the long haul. This painful, but direct rejection saves you valuable time and mental/emotional bandwidth for the one who is interested.
3. Anything that is truly meant to be in your space will be in your space. If it’s not, and if the “it” in question is a date, plain and simple, the Universe is setting it up for you to meet an even more aligned person. Sometimes it’s timing, sometimes we’re simply not energetically ready to handle what we say we want or the other person isn’t, etc. Trusting that nothing that is yours will be kept from you can be a comfort when you get hit with rejection. Or what I like to call “Spirit protection” experiences!

Now I want to hear from YOU.

Have you ever been rejected outright on a date or soon after?

How did you deal or what advice do you have for someone who is going through the feelings of rejection?

Post a comment! I can’t wait to hear from you!

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Diana Dorell, Your Intuitive Relationship Coach

Ps: Yes, I am still doing 1:1 intuitive readings but I am not sure how long I will be offering them. If you are interested and ready to get some laser clarity and answers, go here: www.dianadorell.com/intuitivereadings