your april message…this one hit me over the head!

Happy Tuesday and welcome to a brand-new month!

April is all about welcoming love, fresh starts and embracing your power from a loving, clear space.

Ahhhh…..

Let’s dive right in, shall we?

Part of being able to welcoming in more love and starting fresh is listening to the messages coming from your intuition. But…

You know how sometimes you wish you didn’t hear an intuitive message?

Or have you ever gotten one that you know hits home…but you really really wish it didn’t?

If you’re into oracle card decks at all like me, you may have even had the experience of asking a question and pulling cards around it only to be like…um, no…I don’t want that card. Let me shuffle again…only to have the same darn card come up again! And again!

So you go for a walk or put on a show to try to distract yourself from the message you just received, only it’s still in the back of your brain like this annoying little tapping you can’t quite drown out.

Until you face the music and listen to what’s coming up past the discomfort of the delivery.

It’s those times when you wish you weren’t so intuitive, you wish you could just go back to being unconscious and blissfully ignorant to a Soul Truth that rocks your whole belief system or your world view. Yes, I’m being dramatic, but hey, depends on the message right?

So here’s one that I heard a few years ago that I didn’t listen to for a long. Ass. time.

And if I had listened to it it would have saved me so much time. Energy. Yes even money.

Can I share the story with you with the intent that it supports you in your own journey to love and self-love?

Once upon a time…

I was in a series of relationship after relationship, all ending around the same 1 year mark.

It was usually around that time, that I would start to seriously give my power away unconsciously and the belief that I uncovered after a lot of work and money was this:

If you are powerful, a man won’t love you. If you don’t need him to take care of you in every single way, a man will leave.

O.M.G!

It was so so deeply ingrained in my cells that inevitably around that time when the relationship would deepen, it’s like I became this shrinked version of myself.

I would start to sabotage any success in my business or career.

I emotionally ate and gained weight.

I stopped doing the activities that I loved like dancing and singing. In short, I became like Cinderella, but BEFORE she met the Prince.

Putting the man and his needs above my own. Overgiving from a place of fear that if I really let my power pop out, he wouldn’t be able to handle it…and I’d be left alone.

I treated my body poorly and engaged in sex when I didn’t really feel like it…or over-did it to compensate for the fact that it was the only area I felt I had some control over my life.

And the weird part was that the more I did these things…the more success would show up in the man’s life so he thought things were going awesome! He was literally getting all of my energy! And there was nothing left for me because I gave it all away.

As my friend Heather would say, “No bueno, girl!”

And I remember the moment the tough love intuition hit me.

I had just gone to San Diego to visit a man I was in a “complicated” relationship with (all on my dime of course, and on all of his terms…).

And I remember leaving his apartment after a passionate but emotionally confusing weekend when a very loud (but kind) voice said..

“It’s time to give up the Cinderella story. You never needed to be rescued. And this man or any man will never be able to love you the way you deserve if you keep giving your power away.”

W-h-o-a!

That one stopped me in my tracks. I started to cry immediately (which of course he didn’t even notice).

It took me three more weeks of ignoring that message until I finally had the courage to end the relationship and do the work I needed to do on myself to reclaim my energy and my power. I was on the road to recovery…and it felt damn good.

Here are 3 truths I realized. Take if you need.

Truth 1:: To receive true love at the Highest Level, you must love yourself and treat your body, mind and money with the utmost kindness, respect and grace.

Truth 2::  It is safe for you to be a powerful person. You can be in your power and be kind. Never confuse being in your power with being “mean, selfish, overbearing or unloving.” People may not like you in your power. That’s ok. Let them stand aside. They weren’t really authentic friends, partners, etc if they can only be around you when you shrink.

Truth 3:: There is a difference than being in a co-dependent relationship and in an inter-dependent one. The first comes from a total giving away of your power and choices and will diminish you. The second says, “You are powerful and capable and worthy of love. I am powerful and capable and worthy of love.”

Which one of the 3 Truths resonate with you the most this week?

Leave a comment and share with us! There is power in community.

And before you dash, let me ask you this:

Are you ready to feel more powerful and receive true love?

Are you ready to move out of co-dependency, set healthy boundaries and feel amazing and happy?

My good friend and founder of Hair Chair Confessions, Karen Stevenson is hosting a free series to help you have more self-love and self-respect and I am honored to be one of her featured speakers along with my dear friend Marcy Neumann and other relationship experts on self love and codependency.

Want to join us?! We are going to make this heavy topic FUN and I’d love, love, love to have you be a part of it with me!

Sign up here

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Have a blessed week!

Love,

Diana

And remember…everything awesome happens on the other side of letting go of your Cinderella story…at least the rescuing part 😉

the #1 trait you must nurture to have the world at your feet…

The number one trait you need to nurture in yourself if you want to attract love into your life is self-confidence.

Self-confident people are sexy.

They give off an energy that is magnetic and reassuring to be around.

An energy that says, “I know who I am and I’m totally present with you.*

Can I share a story with you?

*Kathy had everything going for her.

She was at the top of her class, she looked like a model and she cared deeply about her friends and family.

Men (and women!) would be so attracted to her at first, pulled in by her gorgeous looks and unassuming nature. But not long after, she kept coming to me complaining that she had no friends and that none of the men wanted to go out on more than one date with her (unless it was to sleep with them!)

“What the heck, Diana?!”

Kathy and I had been friends for about two years, so I felt very comfortable shooting straight from the hip with her and giving my two cents, especially because she asked for it.

“Kathy, I love you, but you need to believe in yourself more. You worry way too much about what other people think and that insecurity and lack of belief in yourself is literally repelling people from wanting to be around you. You are more than just your looks. You are beautiful inside and out, you’re one of the most witty people I know, but it doesn’t matter how much I tell you this. You have to believe it for yourself or it’s going to be a very very rough life and girl…you deserve to have it all!”

Her jaw dropped open slightly.

Gulp.

Had I gone too far? What had I even said?!

This was years before I became a professional intuitive counselor/coach, even before I was on the spiritual path at all, but it was like the words just fell out of my mouth. I now know it was probably Spirit channeling through me the words she needed to hear at that exact moment.

She was quiet for a long time and then looked up at me and said, “Thank you. You’re right. I have been pretty down on myself. I need to stop that. My mother was always telling me that I wasn’t good enough…I always felt like I had to be the best. I always put the pressure on myself and it makes me question everything. I have to change.”

It’s amazing how everything changes with awareness.

Now it didn’t happen overnight and I’m sure she got extra support beyond what I as her friend could provide, but after that conversation, I noticed that she would catch herself before she went into another tirade of self-questioning about a certain guy, assignment, etc.

She slowly but surely began to develop her own sense of self and confidence, apart from the identity and persona she felt she had to be for everyone else.

The first step is awareness of a Truth and commitment to make a change. There is power in the commitments we make to our sacred selves.

And we have that power within us always.

There is a happy ending to this story. A few years ago, I had the pleasure of attending Kathy’s wedding and she is married to a wonderful man who adores her and all her quirks just as she is.

She’s still on the shy side, but she now walks tall and takes up space when she’s in the room with that beautiful smile. It is so cool to see that transformation in her and to see in front of my eyes what is possible when a woman decides to own her inner confidence and true beauty.

The good news is that inner confidence can be cultivated.

Here is one of my favorite confidence-building exercises. I call it the “Look at Me List.”

At the end of each day, reflect and write down one thing that you are proud of. This could be something very mundane like, “I’m proud that I didn’t skip breakfast today. I had so much energy!” to something more intangible like, “I’m proud that I spoke up for myself at work instead of slinking away and taking on additional work.” If you are stuck, you can also ask yourself, ‘What is one thing I appreciate about myself today?”

The more you do this, the more your logical, skeptical mind gets convinced that you really are a confident person.

Over to you: Do you struggle with self confidence? Do you know you have a lot of love to offer but you feel held back by insecurities or something else you can’t pinpoint?

If so, go here to get on my calendar and book a complimentary 15-minute Love Assessment consult! I’d love to help you identify the core block(s) that could be getting in your way towards attracting the love and life that you want.

NOTE: You are under no obligation to purchase services or programs by booking this call. If you are interested in learning more about those, you will have a chance to get all your questions answered at the end of the call.

*name has been changed to protect privacy

i was in prison

I remember gazing up at a sterile white wall.

I was in one of those flimsy hospital gowns and my heart was beating so fast.

I remember taking a heavy, labored breath and tears streamed down my face. That was the moment.

The moment I realized that I had been in prison.

Not actual prison, but a prison of my mind.

I was in the ER in Oakland and had no idea how I ended up there.

All I remembered was feeling dizzy and worried about one of the 10,000 things I had on my plate that day.

I had five jobs I was juggling, a relationship that was quickly unraveling and I honestly had to remind myself to eat my schedule was that crazy.

I call it pre-Angel awakening era.

The prison I was in is what many of us can fall into.

It is the prison of believing that your worth is only as good as what you “produce” or “do.”

I didn’t feel worthy of slowing down. Or taking a real mental or physical break. If I wasn’t doing something for someone, who was I?

Have you ever been in that place?

When you are there, your body talks to you, but you rarely listen.

And because everything in your life is connected, it wasn’t a shocker that I ended up in the ER where all they could say was I was “in a high state of stress” and in my relationship at the time, I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough, so I overgave and was guided primarily by my insecurities…never a recipe for a loving, healthy partnership.

So, my body woke me up to the Truth of the lie I’d been buying into.

And a voice whispered…”you are enough, Diana..just as you are. There’s nothing you need to do to prove that to anyone. It’s ok to be still a bit.”

Everything that came after that day at the ER was part of what I now see as a spiritual awakening…a commitment to be more conscious and gentle with myself. To know that I am a work in progress and that perfection is an illusion.

What freed me from the prison is one word that packs a punch.

That word is permission.

And if you are desiring more love in your life and it has felt MIA, consider that it could be a great time to give yourself permission…..

Permission to release from that internal prison now….

When we judge ourselves and our worth based on our productivity, we are at the mercy of an invisible slave master.

You can’t be fully in the moment because your thoughts are one step ahead wondering and analyzing what you should or could do more of.

And newsflash: If you aren’t fully in the moment, it’s going to be way harder to hear the subtle messages from your intuition or to take the steps that would allow you to attract love into your life.

So….

The Permission Challenge: Will you take this journey with me this week?

So starting right now I’m giving myself permission to not bang out 11 tips to xyz from my head and I trade it in for real, raw and potent Truth from my Soul. ps: That is your Soul Love nugget for this week too.

Where do you need to give yourself permission?

And

Are you willing to give yourself permission?

All sorts of cool shit happens when we give ourselves permission…it feels like this secret guilty pleasure, but really, giving yourself permission is about letting of self-judgement.

And when we do that, we also find that people tend to judge us less or said another way, we feel more generally accepted because well…we accept ourselves.

So, I made a “I give you permission” list for myself.

Here are three things on it.

:: I give myself permission to respond to messages only after checking in to see that I’ve nourished myself first (hydrated, fed myself, am calm, etc). I release internal pressure to respond right away…ahhh!

:: I give myself permission to say no when I get a request that will “just take a few minutes of my time.” My time is a non-renewable resource, so instead of doing the polite…maybe a little later, I’m just going for the Truth: thanks, but no thanks. No explanation needed.

:: I give myself permission to have daily space-out time in nature, even if that means me staring out my window at a tree. A screensaver of a tree doesn’t cut it.

Now over to you.

Q: What is one thing you will give yourself permission for this week?

Hit reply and tell me!

I get a lot of email so while I can’t promise a response, I do promise to read it.

Ps: Are you getting the nudge that you would like more personalized support on how to tame your monkey mind and let go of all the crap that’s been holding you back from having a great life and relationship? Click here to schedule a consult with me + let’s talk. I want to hear your goals and also see if I’m the best person to partner with you at this time. No obligation, but if you are feeling that consistent knowing that something’s gotta change, I’d love to support you.

 

do you struggle with overwhelm? i’m spilling my top secret strategy! shhhh…

Have you ever felt like your life is running you instead of you running your life?

Emphasis on the word ‘running.’

You know, the days where you’re running late to yet another appointment.

With a To-Do List miles long that seems to be winning.

And when you DO have 5 minutes to actually glance at it, the thought of tackling it or focusing feels too exhausting.

And then you start to beat yourself up.

And feel overwhelmed, frustrated and like hiding under the covers and turning off your cell ringer.

And did I mention it’s only 12noon?

It’s hard to feel happy, adored and free if you are caught up in what I call being a regular visitor on the the playing catch-up, indecision island experience.

And it’s even harder to hear your own intuition or recognize its signals when you are scattered.

If this sounds like you, do yourself a favor and watch this short (less than 5 minute) video. (made especially for YOU!)

I hear you and I’ve been there. It sucks. It’s exhausting and it’s soul-sucking. But the great news?

It’s temporary. You just need to learn how to re-focus when life takes over!

This week’s LOVE video is designed to help you do just that!

Here’s what you’re going to learn in this video:

  • How to stop treading water (and wasting time) on “to-do’s” that suck your energy
  • My Top Secret-no-more, Unconventional 3 minute strategy to knowing exactly where to focus first (it involves calling in a Goddess!)
  • How to stop feeling distracted when life around you gets CRAAZZZYYY

 

 

This week’s Soul Love Q: What is your favorite tip to combat overwhelm and lack of focus? Share with us in the comments below!

Want to work with me for FREE? Sign up for Soul Mate: A 5-day e-course to attract love and feel happy, adored and free!

are you tired of settling for crumbs? i’ve got you covered!

Do you know that you deserve better in a relationship?

Do you wonder why other people seem to thrive and get all this attention and adoration from a partner (or the world at large) when you seem to give and give and get crumbs back?

Do you feel frustrated, annoyed or just plain dumbfounded at how to break the cycle?

I’d love to share a story with you about this with the intent that it helps you see what could be running the show and how you can begin to break it for good.

I was speaking with a woman recently who we will call *Samantha. Samantha is beautiful, smart and has one of the most generous, loving hearts of anyone I know.

She’s super tuned into the spiritual world and being of service.

She had her own business and was in a relationship with a guy she really loved but when we peered behind the curtain of small talk, some uncomfortable Truths came out:

-She was working all the time and barely making ends meet. She was wondering if she should just go back to her old job even though she really hated it.

-She hadn’t had sex with her partner in a loooong time and admitted that she often felt irritated or too exhausted to bring it up. They weren’t connecting and she didn’t feel special or adored. He was treating her more like a roommate than a cherished lover.

I asked her some more powerful questions and more came out..

-She wasn’t making money in her business because she felt terrible asking for the sale. She low-balled her rates so much that she’d end up paying herself less than minimum wage with all the hours she put in. But she was terrified her clients would go elsewhere if she charged what she really wanted to and was assuming they couldn’t afford it.

-In her relationship, she admitted the work stuff was getting in the way of her energy levels and desire for intimacy. Her whole body felt contracted and tight and she felt uncomfortable asking her partner for help (even if it was just to let her vent and to hold her while she shared what was happening). She didn’t want to bother him or be too much trouble and besides, she should be able to deal with this on her own, right? She was a grown woman after all.

“I feel like I’m failing even though I am working so hard. He’s not seeing my Goddess side because even I have know idea where she went!!! I work all the freakin time it’s like she’s numbed out!”

Whoa.

Now we were onto something.

Soul Truths:

When the shell finally cracked, Samantha realized that she had been allowing herself to settle for crumbs. She was almost proud of it that she could do things on her own and that she could survive on so little affection and resources. (This shocked her but that ah-ha came straight from her!) It was almost as if she had a program running inside her that said, “The harder life is, the more you’ll feel proud of yourself. And the less you ask for, the more spiritual you are.”

In short…in her old mindset,.settling for crumbs=getting more spiritual gold stars.

Her eyes got really really wide as she took in what she just uncovered.

After the initial shock wore off, she blurted out:

“OMG! No wonder I’m not letting him in. No wonder I’m barely making enough money to support myself! I’m so done being on that rollercoaster. That was fun in my 20’s but not anymore! I’m so so done! Done done!”

And we had a really good laugh!

And from that point of vulnerable Truth, the actual healing work could finally begin.

The Golden Take-Away Tip:

The key was in identifying what mindset, self image, stories and fears were running the old program. And from there, it was about getting clear on what self-image she intended to project to the world and most importantly to herself. And coming into energetic alignment with that new image. That’s what it takes to break the pattern of settling for crumbs. In any area of your life and especially relationships.

This is the core of the Soul healing work I help my VIP and private clients with.

Now, it wasn’t an overnight change, but last time I heard from her, she had raised her rates to reflect the awesome service she provides (which was ‘terrifying and liberating’), had opened up to her partner which was very healing for them both and actually ended in an amicable ending as he was not really in a place to be in a committed partnership (again, truth telling leads to more truth telling!) and she’s started dancing and dating again, clear on how she wants to be treated and also never settling for emotional or financial crumbs again.

“My Goddess is running the show again and it’s so much fun!” she told me.

She’s creating a life based on honoring herself and there’s no bigger high.

This week’s Soul question: “Have you ever settled for crumbs? What helped you to break free and create something different for yourself?” Share with us in the comments below!

Want to get more, for FREE?

Sign up for Soul Mate: A 5-day e-course to attract love, and feel happy, adored and free!

It’s FREE and I’ll share more exercises to help you anchor into what it’s going to take to attract great love into your life!