Mindset tip to get your needs met…and show up like the superstar you are.

Have you ever felt like your needs aren’t being met?


Do you have trouble communicating how you really feel to another person?


Do insecurities and fears hold you back in relationship?


I recently experienced this.


We had spent more than 24 hours together straight and well…somewhere in the middle of the afternoon, my inner introvert was really needing space.


But I didn’t know how to say that because I was so afraid of having it come off the wrong way.


Maybe he wouldn’t like me.


Or maybe I was just being bitchy and weird.


So instead of being a grown ass adult and communicating what I needed to, I proceeded to get on my phone, find a spa and book this elaborate 90-minute massage so I could get.away.


Now, I’m a big advocate for massage but I didn’t need to do that-I could have just said, “I really love spending time with you and I also will be needing my space to be alone periodically or I’m going to become really bitchy and resentful and you won’t know why.”


But I was scared. So I got the massage, some much needed personal time and he went to the bookstore to wait for me until I was out.


Mindset tip: When faced with a relationship issue or situation, ask yourself, “How would the SuperWoman/SuperMan, most aligned and healthy version of myself handle this?” 


This question taps into your creative mind and instead of focusing on problems, your subconscious starts going to work for you, cranking out responses, offering up solutions and possibilities you may not have even seen or considered.


Some of them might be cracked out but others may be right on point and give you the extra boost you need to stop freaking out and just act from a grounded headspace.


And while I was in my car driving home, I asked this very question to myself.


‘How would the super amazing, healthy, aligned version of myself handle this?”


Nothing came at first.


Then a little defensive voice that said, “You got a massage. Why are you complaining?” (temporary solution)


And then, after a few more minutes of really dropping in here’s what came:


She would call him.


She would know that by sharing it with him he would love her even more.


She would have a conversation that would give her permission to have her needs met again and again without passive aggressiveness, manipulation or coercion.


She would say straight up with so much love, “When I was in the kitchen and I told you that if you needed space it was okay to tell me, I was really speaking to myself. I needed space away to be with me and regroup but I was scared and so I didn’t say anything. I love spending time with you but if we spend the whole day together, please know that there will be times when I need to step away and be quiet for a good hour. It’s nothing personal. It’s just what I need to come back in without going crazy.”




That’s what I proceeded to do.


And the conversation went way better than the one in my head.


He actually said, “That is amazing because I need that introvert time too!”


And it led to an even deeper discussion about avoiding assumptions and just being direct with each other.


A small breakthrough and while I’m by no means perfect at this process, I do know it gets easier the more you can pause and ask.


When you step into that space of possibility and ask that question of your Super Self, it turns out even better than you could imagine.


Because you dial into a higher frequency version of yourself than the scared, insecure part of you that is afraid she’s not enough/won’t be heard/seen, etc.


Q: What is a situation you’re facing right now in your life that feels challenging? Would you be willing to ask yourself what your Super You version would say/do/handle it? Share with me in the comments!


Is having an uncomfortable conversation part of the next step? Click here to check out my 4-step process to have an uncomfortable convo with anyone!

2 replies
  1. Dorel Vanegas
    Dorel Vanegas says:

    This is perhaps one of the most common elements of uncertainty and doubt in any relationship. We want to feel that the other person wants to spend time together and just because they ask for space is not necessarily a reflection of you or “us”. It simply means that I am an individual and I enjoy having some “me” time and by honoring and respecting that in a relationship, the mere acceptance of it for oneself as well as for the other person strengthens the bond between the partnership. Speaking one’s truth should never make one feel insecure or fearful but rather it reinforces the caring and love and respect for each other. In doing so, the relationship can thrive and grow for being honest with yourself and with your partner is the foundation of a long term relationship. Think of it as a mirror that has two sides and we must be willing to reevaluate ourselves to gain greater insight into what love is all about, Thank you for sharing.


Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *